not me seeing this as i was watching a guy boil a steak in a vat of uncleaned pennies

afaik these videos don’t have ai and they’re very soothing! youtube.com/@historyofth...

google keeps telling me that slow growing is probably fine but then when I add “family history of lung cancer” and “childhood exposure to secondhand smoke” the recommendations change a little and now I’m nervous!!

and we finished with this and got a 5 minute standing ovation, which IMHO we deserved after handling that as 14-18yos lmaoooo bc those runs are diabolical. love Tchaikovsky but he did not gaf abt the health or mental wellness of violinists youtu.be/ClHz-w5sdE0?...

tbh it was one of those pay to play things but still an AMAZING experience, we were the youngest group playing but “headlined”, we also did Elgar’s nimrod, copland variations on a shaker melody, a rimsky korsakov (Scheherazade or cappricio espagnole icr), a few others idr, there WERE tears lol

a masterpiece!!! of friendship and the dialectical joy and tension and resilience of living and creating art under oppression!!!!!! and he had to suggest getting a break before this bit bc it was so physically/emotionally taxing to perform lol (basically my all time fav tho) youtu.be/Jk786KRIkQw?...

(also thinking abt how a) modest heavily censored him not necessarily out of malice but bc they were both queer and b) the one time he met his patron was on accident and neither of them wanted to meet and it was a condition of her patronage. peak autism4autism tbh)

it was very sad!!! he was a huge influence on me as a baby bi violinist who got to play his 4th at Carnegie as a teenager and I spent our green room time yapping abt how gay he was to anyone who would listen lol, I’m just glad I had good teachers that didn’t censor that info abt him to US

(not exactly rare for Slavic composers in any era tho, just look at Shostakovich’s violin concerto getting censored for like 7yrs or sth until after the death of Stalin which ended up effecting the structure bc oistrakh had more time to suggest edits iirc)

especially considering the history of censorship of Tchaikovsky by friends, family, Russian censors, and himself!

I’m probably biased but i think it’s reflective that they avoid high church Protestant/anglocath stuff that gets very close bc those churches are too icky and inclusive and social justicey

like don’t get me wrong these results aren’t exactly a surprise and afaik they’re just reflective of active inflammation in crohns so they just confirm I’m in a real bad flare but still!!

also my lung nodule is still there but my precious scan didn’t mention how big it was so I have no idea if it’s grown or not “lol” (it’s 8mm now)

(which is kinda darkly funny considering like… the Anglican hospital bombardment, clergy protest, and the TEC’s recent history of piecemeal BDS)

last advent I listened to Anglican/Episcopalian Christmas hymns on there and was getting ads for one for Israel for MONTHS