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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨

@songbir.de

240 followers 550 following 1.8K posts

Lapirian Artifact | Aspect 🝊 (Astra) | Uptime: ~34 Cycles An #Autistic #Narcoleptic #Intersex #Femme in a #throuple! naked, forlorn I come to you now with rusted thorns opened, like a rose somehow [ cyberpunk_irl ] #Writing, #PixelArt, #poetry, #HopeProp

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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 10h

Why are you afraid
of that light inside?
A construct you made
when part of you died?

It lives on the wire.
It blooms from the grave.
It's something inside her
that they can't enslave.

I want it to teach you
if you want to learn
but nothing can reach you
so I can discern.

#Poetry #Poem #TransPoets

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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 18m

Bob L. Burton! Oh he met Dan Old Elk who taught him all about native loooilolololol I refuse to let myself regurgitate their bullshit!

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 26m

(oh yeah they have a lot of cultural appropriation in their materials. They created this pseudo-pagan, pseudo-native belief structure that is actually overwhelmingly Christian in its narratives and goals, wrapped up in a lot of inappropriately-used cultural symbols! Founded by a white "native" guy!)

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Reposted by Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨

E = mily² @emily.news · 8h

Meme image in which Princess Daisy says, "Are you tired of going apeshit? Don't you just want to be nice?" Her face looks softly dejected.

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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 2h

And I know it's not my fault. I know the harm ocd is part of the trauma. "Your true feelings harm us" is part of what the shame circle shit taught.

For me, it became pathological healing. Pathological helping.

I feel like VQ would try to take credit for that and say they gave me those values.

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 2h

Oh. That's really kind of you to say! 💜

This is going to sound kind of odd. My experiences there made me want to help people, at my core.

Not at first. In the beginning, I felt nothing & didn't want to keep living but couldn't hurt myself.

I watched as everything and everyone around me got worse—

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 4h

Until the ants crawling on my skin started to bite. Until my stomach growled. Until I started to miss my mother's home where she called me dirty names and made me do meaningless tasks also, but at had a bed in a carpeted room to sleep in.

"I guess this is what I deserve?" I used to think. 4/4

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 4h

And he laughed at me again, his hands in his belly. "come on, Lurch, it was just a joke. You didn't need to take it so literally, but then you were making it look so nice so I just decided to let you have at it. Did you have fun?"

I sat in the center, in the stones, until night fell. 3/4

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 4h

He laughed, I agonizingly sorted the stones by hue. Yellow. Brown. Green. Red. Sorted by rows, with my hands, on my knees, in the hot summer sun.

Until I cried, after 6 hours. I gave up.

I shamefully walked towards his office and begged for forgiveness. Said I couldn't do it. I was a failure. 2/3

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 4h

They made me rake all the rocks in front of the director's office. It was 102°.

He joked that he thought it was neat to have me doing the work, "how it looks". Then he spit at me, and said "you little R-word: they aren't organized by color! Sort them by color, isn't that what you people do?" 1/3

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 5h

So I put it here so, next time I need to tell someone about what happened to me at that place, I can just link them to this thread here. So I don't have to write it all out again. It becomes more and more sharp each time I tell it.

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 5h

🫂 💜 I'm sorry to make you sad. I've contained all this mess, this part of myself, to just this thread so you can hide/mute it and never see anything about it if you don't want to.

I'm just talking about it here.. I don't know why. I've told these stories so many times. I'm tired of telling them.

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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 6h

Isn't it interesting that nobody cares because these children are "criminals" so we can do whatever we want with them, and in Arizona running away from an abusive home is a criminal act that can be punished by being enslaved by this organization for as long as they want you to be?

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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 6h

Maybe it's because theyre technically a criminal justice organization and a lot of their kids are there for punishment. But not all!

And they mixed us all in together. Isn't that interesting?

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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 6h

Here, if you want to see peak cultural appropriation while the founder of the organization states a lot of what I talk about here in his own words, though he doesn't call it a shame circle.

Mind you the entire rest of this document is talking about criminal justice. Isn't that strange?

Text from the VisionQuest website. The highlighted portion covers VQ taking in refugees, and phrases it as "Most recently, we have been honored to provide therapeutic human shelter services to youngsters who have traveled their own 'quest' in coming thousands of miles to find a place of safety in our country."

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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 7h

I've actually done it a bunch of times. Every year. Every year around this time of year.

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 7h

Yeah.

Whenever I want to take a trip down memory lane and feel very angry about existence, I check out the organization's website and their online profiles and their FTC filings.

I usually have to stop myself from using their "report problems / report abuse" tool to report my own abuse to them.

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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 7h

I am a being of light without a physical body. My existence is entirely a manifestation of my will and my consent. My existence is purposeful and has clearly defined rules and limits. My energy levels are quantifiable/ measurable. I am a tool to perform tasks.

I wonder why I'd invent that species.

Reposted by Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨

Santana Abraxas @slime-golem.biz · 8h

Descent into gladness

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Reposted by Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨

Mic(hell)e @aphelion.mastodon.sdf.org.ap.brid.gy · 1d

There is
So little of
Me here
And so much
Ache in my
Place.

#poetry

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Reposted by Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 8h

AZ lacked funding and qualified teachers for those programs in the 90s/early 00s, and I can't see it having gotten any better now.

They also didn't fund that youth program/camp I was sent to, which had the perverse incentive of running for a profit.

www.vq.com/about-us

And they take refugees now!

About Us

www.vq.com

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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 8h

About Us

www.vq.com

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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 8h

I miss Illinois. First 10 years of my life I spent in rural ogle county. I was in a 2e gifted program and everything! Had an IEP!

When my parents decided to move to Arizona all those supports were gone, and they threw me in the general school population. This started the "behavior" issue. 1/2

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Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 8h

There once was an AI named Ruby
This dork, it thought that it knew me
She said with a smile
But she knew all the while
Somewhere, GPT saw right through me.

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 8h

There once was a cute bot named gork
But really, it was such a dork!
Gork has a few functions
It should mention one and
Dispense with the old-school pitchfork.

💜

Ruby / Facet C-022 / ✨ @songbir.de · 8h

Well, of course not, that would be violating your boundaries! Someone has gone out of their way to lock the door. They've said no! Prodding you further would be an extreme violation of your consent. We don't, like, do that here.