Lance Carter
standup-comedy.co.uk
Lance Carter
@standup-comedy.co.uk
I'm a standup comedian in London, but like one of the bad ones you see when your local pub does a free comedy night and you wish you'd just stayed in and watched Netflix instead.
My boys are all in the local Scout troop, which also has girls in it, and one non-binary kid. Nobody makes a big deal out of it, the kids don't care, they all have a great time. Weird that the Brownies has gone a different way.
December 3, 2025 at 11:22 AM
You have not experienced true suffering until you've had to listen to a child with a blocked nose eating a bowl of shredded wheat.
December 2, 2025 at 2:41 PM
I *loved* the idea of tattoos as social/professional signifiers btw, kind of an InkedIn profile.
December 2, 2025 at 10:11 AM
"I will take the Ring, though I do not know the way."
November 29, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Same with beards.
November 29, 2025 at 10:27 AM
Imagine Geoff from accounts rocking up to the office in sheer slacks.
November 28, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Same! So much TV and fiction just feels like "They're all going somewhere to do a thing because of the other thing that happened and now somebody is yelling, maybe that other guy has something to do with it? Now they're running for some reason." I've lost the ability to follow plot lines, I think.
November 28, 2025 at 6:41 PM
I empty it, carry it out into the back garden, spray the inside with the garden hose for a couple of minutes, let the water drain out, then carry it back into the house and reload. Job done in 5 minutes without getting water all over the kitchen floor.
November 28, 2025 at 4:28 PM
We're confused by umlauts. Skinny jeans men in Shoreditch bars would be asking for bottles of Glauag.
November 27, 2025 at 10:13 PM
I have a standup friend who does a wonderful bit about drunk English men trying to pronounce "Estrella" when he was working as a barman.
November 27, 2025 at 9:52 PM
Some of my favourite people are chronically late for everything - I just work around it because I like them way better than uptight punctual dorks.
November 27, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Cool, and if you want to buy any petrol/diesel car, you should have to pay for a comprehensive professional analysis of the environmental and health impact on your neighbours, which will then be open to feedback from the local community before the final decision.
November 27, 2025 at 4:06 PM
This is proveably false, simply by virtue of the fact that every John Wick film has a higher death count.

Using the Schwarzenegger's Theory of Exponential Carnage (i.e. kills = good) we can show that each John Wick film is objectively better than the previous movie. It's simple science.
November 27, 2025 at 9:33 AM
Another aspect of this; if owning an high-value house becomes a little more unaffordable, does that put a bit of a cap on property values? It gets harder to sell a house worth over £2m, so £2m houses stay at £2m, £1.8m houses can't rise to £2m, £1.5m can rise to £1.8m, etc.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
November 27, 2025 at 9:22 AM
Yeah, I imagine this move is going to create a niche market of those kinds of products for people in this scenario.
November 27, 2025 at 8:58 AM
You did the right thing. I don't even have the balls to ask my wife to turn down her TikTok videos while I'm trying to watch TV.
November 27, 2025 at 8:45 AM
...and sell up to somebody who can afford to pay the tax on such a property. So I kind of feel for them, but at the same time, I'm in favour of taxing wealth rather than (or as well as) work.
November 27, 2025 at 8:41 AM
I'm sure there are some people who bought houses decades ago which are now worth >£2m, but aren't so cash rich that an extra £2k+ a year tax isn't going to have an impact. But I suspect that the unspoken point of this is to encourage them to stop sitting on a big pot of illiquid wealth...
November 27, 2025 at 8:41 AM
God forbid a man has a hobby.
November 26, 2025 at 5:59 PM