🔞💭 syko
@syko.ruins.party
adult (20s) MDNI pls
vent diary (sometimes nsfw)
dni: ists, phobes, antis, blocked
*PLS RESPECT DNI + BLOCKS*
vent diary (sometimes nsfw)
dni: ists, phobes, antis, blocked
*PLS RESPECT DNI + BLOCKS*
^ I was once that person, and I can tell you personally, it doesn’t make you any better than the person that is simply just confused and lost and looking for some sort of community. you’re just an asshole if you do that to people.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
^ I was once that person, and I can tell you personally, it doesn’t make you any better than the person that is simply just confused and lost and looking for some sort of community. you’re just an asshole if you do that to people.
I just don’t want to be a bother to anyone. so if you see this and think “wow this person is full of it” or “yet another f@ker”, please just block me and forget I exist.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
I just don’t want to be a bother to anyone. so if you see this and think “wow this person is full of it” or “yet another f@ker”, please just block me and forget I exist.
I had a thread before for them, but deleted everything during an episode, so I may or may not remake that. I’m not sure. I don’t want to come off as disrespectful to anyone and I know how ppl feel about others being public about it / discussing it when they don’t know for sure if they have it or not
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
I had a thread before for them, but deleted everything during an episode, so I may or may not remake that. I’m not sure. I don’t want to come off as disrespectful to anyone and I know how ppl feel about others being public about it / discussing it when they don’t know for sure if they have it or not
Serah also bullies me. be it for good or bad. she mimics our abusers, in a way it feels like she thinks it’s the only way to get me to listen. she’s tried to get me to quit nicotine, tried to get me out of shitty relationships, but she’s always been so mean about it that i’ve avoided her.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
Serah also bullies me. be it for good or bad. she mimics our abusers, in a way it feels like she thinks it’s the only way to get me to listen. she’s tried to get me to quit nicotine, tried to get me out of shitty relationships, but she’s always been so mean about it that i’ve avoided her.
Serah has tried many times, I could feel it. but I don’t think she ever has. there’s been multiple times where it’s felt like “co-fronting”, like she’s there but I’m in control, or visa versa. especially during episodes. she’s the one that snaps and says mean things that I don’t recall later.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
Serah has tried many times, I could feel it. but I don’t think she ever has. there’s been multiple times where it’s felt like “co-fronting”, like she’s there but I’m in control, or visa versa. especially during episodes. she’s the one that snaps and says mean things that I don’t recall later.
Chris has only really taken over in moments of sexual attraction towards women and feminine men, or when a friend is in need of protection, or when the “numb” era of an episode comes in. he just kinda exists and is there. doesn’t look like he does much, but I think he carries most of the weight.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
Chris has only really taken over in moments of sexual attraction towards women and feminine men, or when a friend is in need of protection, or when the “numb” era of an episode comes in. he just kinda exists and is there. doesn’t look like he does much, but I think he carries most of the weight.
with voluntary regression, I know it’s me. I know I’m actually in my 20s with a job and responsibilities, I’m just taking a breather.
with involuntary regression, it’s me, but it’s not. it’s me when I was little. little girl me. and she’s still a girl. not me. that’s Buggie. a sweet girl, really.
with involuntary regression, it’s me, but it’s not. it’s me when I was little. little girl me. and she’s still a girl. not me. that’s Buggie. a sweet girl, really.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
with voluntary regression, I know it’s me. I know I’m actually in my 20s with a job and responsibilities, I’m just taking a breather.
with involuntary regression, it’s me, but it’s not. it’s me when I was little. little girl me. and she’s still a girl. not me. that’s Buggie. a sweet girl, really.
with involuntary regression, it’s me, but it’s not. it’s me when I was little. little girl me. and she’s still a girl. not me. that’s Buggie. a sweet girl, really.
as far as I’m aware none of them have ever like… physically fronted though? at least not to the point that I could tell or had any amnesia from it. it’s more just like.. if they have fronted, they more just become me. like they’re playing me in my body rather than just being themselves.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
as far as I’m aware none of them have ever like… physically fronted though? at least not to the point that I could tell or had any amnesia from it. it’s more just like.. if they have fronted, they more just become me. like they’re playing me in my body rather than just being themselves.
^ if anyone is reading this far.. (and thank you if so bc it means a lot to be seen on this)
if you ever see me referring to Serah, Chris, or Bug(Buggie), this is what I’m referring to. they exist to me. and therefore, at least here, I will allow them to exist and be discussed.
if you ever see me referring to Serah, Chris, or Bug(Buggie), this is what I’m referring to. they exist to me. and therefore, at least here, I will allow them to exist and be discussed.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
^ if anyone is reading this far.. (and thank you if so bc it means a lot to be seen on this)
if you ever see me referring to Serah, Chris, or Bug(Buggie), this is what I’m referring to. they exist to me. and therefore, at least here, I will allow them to exist and be discussed.
if you ever see me referring to Serah, Chris, or Bug(Buggie), this is what I’m referring to. they exist to me. and therefore, at least here, I will allow them to exist and be discussed.
because if they don’t exist, who the fuck has been bullying me in my own head this whole time? who’s been crying every time we have an inner-fight? who’s comforting the crying one when that happens ? because it isn’t me, I’m usually too busy having my own breakdown in those moments.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
because if they don’t exist, who the fuck has been bullying me in my own head this whole time? who’s been crying every time we have an inner-fight? who’s comforting the crying one when that happens ? because it isn’t me, I’m usually too busy having my own breakdown in those moments.
I just want answers, really. something to tell myself when I start overwhelming myself with questions I don’t have proper knowledge myself to answer.
even if I am endogenic and I did this to myself, I think just getting the confirmation that they do in fact exist would ease my mind a bit.
even if I am endogenic and I did this to myself, I think just getting the confirmation that they do in fact exist would ease my mind a bit.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
I just want answers, really. something to tell myself when I start overwhelming myself with questions I don’t have proper knowledge myself to answer.
even if I am endogenic and I did this to myself, I think just getting the confirmation that they do in fact exist would ease my mind a bit.
even if I am endogenic and I did this to myself, I think just getting the confirmation that they do in fact exist would ease my mind a bit.
^ (WITHOUT it being labeled or fitting the criteria of a DD.)
I wouldn’t mind if it came to be that I am a system, if anything I feel it would bring me relief. but due to personal experiences, likely no one important in my irl environment would take me seriously.
I wouldn’t mind if it came to be that I am a system, if anything I feel it would bring me relief. but due to personal experiences, likely no one important in my irl environment would take me seriously.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
^ (WITHOUT it being labeled or fitting the criteria of a DD.)
I wouldn’t mind if it came to be that I am a system, if anything I feel it would bring me relief. but due to personal experiences, likely no one important in my irl environment would take me seriously.
I wouldn’t mind if it came to be that I am a system, if anything I feel it would bring me relief. but due to personal experiences, likely no one important in my irl environment would take me seriously.
I’m convinced that one day they will release new studies/info that confirms that Borderlines, Narcissists, Schizoaffectives, and others who live with PDs can, in fact—depending on the makeup of their trauma and causes leading to development— have traumagenic altered states of consciousness
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
I’m convinced that one day they will release new studies/info that confirms that Borderlines, Narcissists, Schizoaffectives, and others who live with PDs can, in fact—depending on the makeup of their trauma and causes leading to development— have traumagenic altered states of consciousness
i’ve age regressed AND pet regressed since I can remember, and I feel heavily that my DD symptoms play a part in that. but i’ve always been confused, because there’s so many variations of criteria, and I feel like I meet none of them.
I obsess over overlapping studies between PDs and DDs bc of this
I obsess over overlapping studies between PDs and DDs bc of this
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
i’ve age regressed AND pet regressed since I can remember, and I feel heavily that my DD symptoms play a part in that. but i’ve always been confused, because there’s so many variations of criteria, and I feel like I meet none of them.
I obsess over overlapping studies between PDs and DDs bc of this
I obsess over overlapping studies between PDs and DDs bc of this
when I tried to come to others, though, I was told my BPD was just mimicking him.
also had my first psychosis ep during that time, which surely didn’t help. I couldn’t tell between “they’re real and we’re having an actual conversation” vs “I’m literally just talking to myself and lying to myself”
also had my first psychosis ep during that time, which surely didn’t help. I couldn’t tell between “they’re real and we’re having an actual conversation” vs “I’m literally just talking to myself and lying to myself”
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
when I tried to come to others, though, I was told my BPD was just mimicking him.
also had my first psychosis ep during that time, which surely didn’t help. I couldn’t tell between “they’re real and we’re having an actual conversation” vs “I’m literally just talking to myself and lying to myself”
also had my first psychosis ep during that time, which surely didn’t help. I couldn’t tell between “they’re real and we’re having an actual conversation” vs “I’m literally just talking to myself and lying to myself”
someone practicing these symptoms, whether legit or otherwise. (I had told him time and time again that if he was endo I wouldn’t judge or view him any differently, and to just tell me. but he just told me it was all a lie when we split)
so whatever I had prior was amplified by that era of my life
so whatever I had prior was amplified by that era of my life
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
someone practicing these symptoms, whether legit or otherwise. (I had told him time and time again that if he was endo I wouldn’t judge or view him any differently, and to just tell me. but he just told me it was all a lie when we split)
so whatever I had prior was amplified by that era of my life
so whatever I had prior was amplified by that era of my life
when I attempted to come to him as a peer who also allegedly went through the same symptoms, he was very upset, told me I was copying him, told me I was making it up because I felt left out. but I had these voices long before I ever met him. they were just amplified, I think, because I was around—
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
when I attempted to come to him as a peer who also allegedly went through the same symptoms, he was very upset, told me I was copying him, told me I was making it up because I felt left out. but I had these voices long before I ever met him. they were just amplified, I think, because I was around—
in 2021 I started dating a system, at least I thought. it turned out he was consciously lying (not endogenic, but just actually blatantly lying specifically to use against others / for selfish benefit) and in 2023, we split.
during that time, I started noticing what felt like my own symptoms of a DD
during that time, I started noticing what felt like my own symptoms of a DD
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
in 2021 I started dating a system, at least I thought. it turned out he was consciously lying (not endogenic, but just actually blatantly lying specifically to use against others / for selfish benefit) and in 2023, we split.
during that time, I started noticing what felt like my own symptoms of a DD
during that time, I started noticing what felt like my own symptoms of a DD
context: i’ve had voices in my head since I can remember. I knew what dissociation was from a very young age. I would tell my parents that there were people in my head “from california” asking for my help. I always had very personified “imaginary friends” growing up, but they were coming from me.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
context: i’ve had voices in my head since I can remember. I knew what dissociation was from a very young age. I would tell my parents that there were people in my head “from california” asking for my help. I always had very personified “imaginary friends” growing up, but they were coming from me.
I’m reminded of the trauma I experienced with my ex, who was consciously pretending with malicious intent, simply to manipulate, cheat, or use me, and I revert to the mindset of “I’m just exaggerating like he did”
but if it was nothing, if I was making it all up, would I be so worried for this long?
but if it was nothing, if I was making it all up, would I be so worried for this long?
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
I’m reminded of the trauma I experienced with my ex, who was consciously pretending with malicious intent, simply to manipulate, cheat, or use me, and I revert to the mindset of “I’m just exaggerating like he did”
but if it was nothing, if I was making it all up, would I be so worried for this long?
but if it was nothing, if I was making it all up, would I be so worried for this long?
what if I just let them exist as is and stop trying so hard to figure out if it fits one criteria or another. maybe I should just leave them be. but I obsess too much over whether they’re real or not.
January 15, 2026 at 4:10 PM
what if I just let them exist as is and stop trying so hard to figure out if it fits one criteria or another. maybe I should just leave them be. but I obsess too much over whether they’re real or not.
fuck my typos while I’m trying to be edgy and meaningful smh
January 15, 2026 at 4:26 AM
fuck my typos while I’m trying to be edgy and meaningful smh