第一の手記.
@talesofmacabre.bsky.social
THE FIRST NOTEBOOK.
⠀strumming my pain
⠀with his 𝖋ingers.
quotes every 10 minutes.
⠀strumming my pain
⠀with his 𝖋ingers.
quotes every 10 minutes.
Pinned
but there is no such thing as individual knowledge, a particular knowledge belonging to one special person or group. knowledge is the sea of humanity, the field of humanity, the general condition of human existence.
December 16, 2025 at 12:31 AM
but there is no such thing as individual knowledge, a particular knowledge belonging to one special person or group. knowledge is the sea of humanity, the field of humanity, the general condition of human existence.
he was fully aware that beauty is a thing which must sleep and which, in sleeping, must be protected by knowledge.
December 16, 2025 at 12:12 AM
he was fully aware that beauty is a thing which must sleep and which, in sleeping, must be protected by knowledge.
so far as feelings were concerned, there was no discrepancy between the very finest feeling in this world, and the very worst; that their effect was the same; that no visible difference existed between murderous intent and feelings of deep compassion.
December 16, 2025 at 12:05 AM
so far as feelings were concerned, there was no discrepancy between the very finest feeling in this world, and the very worst; that their effect was the same; that no visible difference existed between murderous intent and feelings of deep compassion.
she had turned slightly pale and was simply sitting there as though absent — minded. our glances met; she lowered her eyes. I understood. tears blurred my eyes.
December 15, 2025 at 11:48 PM
she had turned slightly pale and was simply sitting there as though absent — minded. our glances met; she lowered her eyes. I understood. tears blurred my eyes.
beauty is a terrible and awful thing!
December 15, 2025 at 11:29 PM
beauty is a terrible and awful thing!
I realised that his death severed the one and only thread that still connected me with the bright world of daylight. it was because of the lost daylight, the lost brightness, the lost summer, that I was crying.
December 15, 2025 at 11:13 PM
I realised that his death severed the one and only thread that still connected me with the bright world of daylight. it was because of the lost daylight, the lost brightness, the lost summer, that I was crying.
he believed confidently that he could conquer his reasonless melancholy and ennui by being —— or pretending to be —— even a little cheerful.
December 15, 2025 at 11:07 PM
he believed confidently that he could conquer his reasonless melancholy and ennui by being —— or pretending to be —— even a little cheerful.
this revelation of human dullness stirred dark depression in me.
December 15, 2025 at 10:53 PM
this revelation of human dullness stirred dark depression in me.
she had turned slightly pale and was simply sitting there as though absent — minded. our glances met; she lowered her eyes. I understood. tears blurred my eyes.
December 15, 2025 at 10:53 PM
she had turned slightly pale and was simply sitting there as though absent — minded. our glances met; she lowered her eyes. I understood. tears blurred my eyes.
in general, things that were endowed with life would not, like the Golden Temple, have the rigid quality of existing once and for all. human beings were merely allotted one part of nature’s various attributes, and, by an effective method of substitution,
December 15, 2025 at 10:34 PM
in general, things that were endowed with life would not, like the Golden Temple, have the rigid quality of existing once and for all. human beings were merely allotted one part of nature’s various attributes, and, by an effective method of substitution,
I was one of those savage marauders who, not knowing how to express their love, mistakenly kill the persons they love.
December 15, 2025 at 10:10 PM
I was one of those savage marauders who, not knowing how to express their love, mistakenly kill the persons they love.
anything can become excusable when seen from the standpoint of a result.
December 15, 2025 at 10:04 PM
anything can become excusable when seen from the standpoint of a result.
a type of cipher seemed to operate in my general experience of life. as in a corridor of mirrors, a single image is reflected again, and again to an endless depth. things that I had seen in the past were clearly reflected on those that I had
December 15, 2025 at 9:46 PM
a type of cipher seemed to operate in my general experience of life. as in a corridor of mirrors, a single image is reflected again, and again to an endless depth. things that I had seen in the past were clearly reflected on those that I had
then I noticed the pack of cigarettes in my other pocket. I took one out and started smoking. I felt like a man who settles down for a smoke after a job of work. I wanted to live.
December 15, 2025 at 9:39 PM
then I noticed the pack of cigarettes in my other pocket. I took one out and started smoking. I felt like a man who settles down for a smoke after a job of work. I wanted to live.
the loss of self through sex gives us little satisfaction.
December 15, 2025 at 9:16 PM
the loss of self through sex gives us little satisfaction.
it was a posture that made him look exactly like a murderer brought to bay.
December 15, 2025 at 9:08 PM
it was a posture that made him look exactly like a murderer brought to bay.
thus in a single phrase, I can define the great illusion concerning “love” in this world. it is the effort to join reality with the apparition.
December 15, 2025 at 8:53 PM
thus in a single phrase, I can define the great illusion concerning “love” in this world. it is the effort to join reality with the apparition.
in time this ambition became still stronger and, expanding within me, saw a strange development.
December 15, 2025 at 8:46 PM
in time this ambition became still stronger and, expanding within me, saw a strange development.
could this have been love? grant it to be one form of love, for even though at first glance it seemed to retain its pristine form forever, simply repeating that form over and over again, it too had its own unique sort of debasement and decay. and it
December 15, 2025 at 8:25 PM
could this have been love? grant it to be one form of love, for even though at first glance it seemed to retain its pristine form forever, simply repeating that form over and over again, it too had its own unique sort of debasement and decay. and it
the adumbration of beauty contained in one detail was linked with the subsequent adumbration of beauty, and so it was that the various adumbrations of a beauty which did not exist had become the underlying motif of the Golden Temple. such adumbrations were
December 15, 2025 at 8:05 PM
the adumbration of beauty contained in one detail was linked with the subsequent adumbration of beauty, and so it was that the various adumbrations of a beauty which did not exist had become the underlying motif of the Golden Temple. such adumbrations were
that principle, it occurred to me, was death.
December 15, 2025 at 7:56 PM
that principle, it occurred to me, was death.
although the goal could never have been love, nor, had it been, could I ever have belonged to the heavens?
December 15, 2025 at 7:42 PM
although the goal could never have been love, nor, had it been, could I ever have belonged to the heavens?
luring me on, and my mind, higher—— ever higher, up into the sky, drawing me ceaselessly up, to heights far, far above the human?
December 15, 2025 at 7:16 PM
luring me on, and my mind, higher—— ever higher, up into the sky, drawing me ceaselessly up, to heights far, far above the human?
Ryotaro alone declares “ I am happy, " and convinces himself that it is true.
December 15, 2025 at 7:10 PM
Ryotaro alone declares “ I am happy, " and convinces himself that it is true.
one part of my feeling of superiority became conceit, became the intoxication of considering myself a step ahead of mankind. then, when this intoxicated part became sober more swiftly than the rest, I committed the rash error of judging everything with my
December 15, 2025 at 6:56 PM
one part of my feeling of superiority became conceit, became the intoxication of considering myself a step ahead of mankind. then, when this intoxicated part became sober more swiftly than the rest, I committed the rash error of judging everything with my