Lasagna would be banger if it weren't for the godawful texture of ricotta cheese.

Like, yeah, let's ruin a multi-layered delight of gooey cheese, ground meat, tomato sauce, and pasta with the flavourless sandlike texture of purposfully-spoiled milk.

Sometimes having ADHD is remembering you can just, like, buy 4 whole gallons of apple juice and an entire cake.

Confusing and infuriating my french Canadian wife by using British slang for baby items; pram, dummy, jim-jams, nappy, etc. Like some sort of MI6 sleeper agent who's activation code was having a newborn.

Hey? Guys? Boys? Fellow men?

It's 20-fucking-26. A nurse should not be praising me as being an exceptional father for caring for my newborn child while my postpartum wife sleeps for a few hours! OKAY?!

The most satisfying part of taking time off from any office job is turning on your out of office message.

The most depressing part of coming back is finding your inbox full of multiple follow-ups and "gentle reminders" anyways.

Geneva suggestions 2026

Yo finally being a dad fucking rocks btw.

Having my newborn grip my fingertip with his entire tiny hand and squeeze it while he falls asleep is the cutest thing ever.

I can't wait to teach him how to smile.

Okay, fine, I was wrong about the being presbyopic sucking thing. I had a stummy ache and needed like 3 more weeks for my eye to heal.

You win this time, opthalmic surgeons.

Opthalmic surgeons are gonna have a bad fuckin' time in like 20 years when Millenials start getting cataracts and cases of refractive surprise skyrocket because using a smartphone at arms-length fucking blows chunks.

Being presbyopic is fucking awful. I literally miss being -12/-15 OS/OD.

Star Fox reminds me that, had I not gotten married before I realized I'm bisexual, I would fall for the most toxic, emotionally unavailable men imaginable if they either showed me a hint of vulnerability or had an unwavering aura of self-confidence.

It's a canon event in Star Fox lore that some banker makes the astronomically ballsy move to approve an 80-year low-interest loan to a mercenary in his late-30's so he can commission a bespoke carrier ship.

My spouse asked me who my favorite Transformer is. Then sighed and called me basic when I replied it's Optimus Prime. I was sipping on a PSL, too.

I could see the begrudging acceptance in her eyes of having married someone with the pop culture takes of a lukewarm bowl of porridge.