FUCKING DEFAULT-ASS MOTHERFUCKER.

I'M LITERALLY THE DIPSHIT HUSBAND IN EVERY SITCOM EVER EXCEPT I ACTUALLY LOVE MY WIFE.

Y'ALL CAN'T EVEN @ ME FOR BEING AN F-SLUR BECAUSE I WAS A STRAIGHT DUDE FOR 30 FUCKING YEARS AND HAVE HAD THE SAME PARTNER FOR 17 YEARS.

I'M LIKE THE TEMPLATE WHITE GUY. I'M SO BASIC BAKING SODA USES ME TO CLEAN SHIT UP.

HOW THE FUCK AM I THE EXCEPTION?!

YOU KNOW HOW EASY IT IS TO BE A GOOD PARTNER? IT'S SO FUCKING PISS EASY!

I'M NOT SAYING I'M PERFECT. I HAVE MY FLAWS. I GET UPSET, I LET MY EMOTIONS CONTROL ME WHEN I SHOULDN'T, I MAKE MISTAKES.

BUT GODDAMN SOMEHOW WASHING YOUR ASS AND EATING PUSSY IS TOO MUCH FOR SOME OF Y'ALL.

THE BAR FOR US IS IN THE EARTH'S MOLTEN CORE AND I'M CONSISTENTLY DISMAYED THAT THE MAJORITY OF YOU FUCKWITS CAN'T EVEN TRIP OVER IT.

Wait, this isn't duckduckgo.