Bro I hate when my condiments squirt all over my food. Like damn girl I didn’t know you were so excited to be used.

sucks how video games perpetuate unrealistic expectations, for instance my dog will never bring me valuables from the enemy whose throat he just throttled while I stood back and watched

Genuinely makes me sad that history is filled with so many incredible fascinating stories yet the most popular history show on Netflix is some dipshit looking at old civilisations and just going "looks like they used secret technology or magic to build this"

Neve: snaps a handful of raw spaghetti in half and throws it into boiling water
Lucanis, sitting in the pantry: something happened