Patrick Hipp
@thehipp.bsky.social
Midlife crisis actor, reverend doctor, charming barman, writer, musician. Not about to quit my night job. (he/him/mom)
It's hard to overstate how much the lead-poisoned Boomers are trying to take down all life on Earth as they feel the Reaper inching ever closer to their throats.
January 7, 2026 at 6:45 AM
It's hard to overstate how much the lead-poisoned Boomers are trying to take down all life on Earth as they feel the Reaper inching ever closer to their throats.
🎶 If you feel like loving me,
if you got the notion 🎶
🎶 I suck at that emotion 🎶
🎶Said, if you feel like giving me
a lifetime of devotion 🎶
🎶 I suck at that emotion 🎶
if you got the notion 🎶
🎶 I suck at that emotion 🎶
🎶Said, if you feel like giving me
a lifetime of devotion 🎶
🎶 I suck at that emotion 🎶
January 7, 2026 at 4:12 AM
🎶 If you feel like loving me,
if you got the notion 🎶
🎶 I suck at that emotion 🎶
🎶Said, if you feel like giving me
a lifetime of devotion 🎶
🎶 I suck at that emotion 🎶
if you got the notion 🎶
🎶 I suck at that emotion 🎶
🎶Said, if you feel like giving me
a lifetime of devotion 🎶
🎶 I suck at that emotion 🎶
*Cobra Commander voice*
🎶 AT THE COBRA 🎶
🎶 COBRA CABANA 🎶
🎶 AT THE COBRA 🎶
🎶 COBRA CABANA 🎶
January 7, 2026 at 3:48 AM
*Cobra Commander voice*
🎶 AT THE COBRA 🎶
🎶 COBRA CABANA 🎶
🎶 AT THE COBRA 🎶
🎶 COBRA CABANA 🎶
Please make sure my obituary hits the fact that animals loved me
January 5, 2026 at 2:36 AM
Please make sure my obituary hits the fact that animals loved me
Everyone in the room should have repeated what Winona said with every stroke of the axe. You didn't just fuck with the wrong nuclear family, you fucked with the wrong found family.
January 3, 2026 at 8:25 AM
Everyone in the room should have repeated what Winona said with every stroke of the axe. You didn't just fuck with the wrong nuclear family, you fucked with the wrong found family.
I know it means the annihilation of my mother's generation, but Earth will know no peace until the last of the Boomers are dead.
January 3, 2026 at 7:37 AM
I know it means the annihilation of my mother's generation, but Earth will know no peace until the last of the Boomers are dead.
Me: What we need is a rent credit for every consecutive year you pay NYC income taxes. $50 a year, has to be at market rate, no electric car tax credit price fuckery.
Regular: We'll see if Zohran can Zort it out.
Regular: We'll see if Zohran can Zort it out.
January 3, 2026 at 5:18 AM
Me: What we need is a rent credit for every consecutive year you pay NYC income taxes. $50 a year, has to be at market rate, no electric car tax credit price fuckery.
Regular: We'll see if Zohran can Zort it out.
Regular: We'll see if Zohran can Zort it out.
Taking the sudden shift in my TikTok algorithm to almost exclusively Richard Harris and Peter O'Toole telling tales out of school and riding it straight through 2026.
December 31, 2025 at 5:50 AM
Taking the sudden shift in my TikTok algorithm to almost exclusively Richard Harris and Peter O'Toole telling tales out of school and riding it straight through 2026.
Once again I have solved a complex problem by being the world's most unfailingly C+ student.
December 30, 2025 at 4:20 AM
Once again I have solved a complex problem by being the world's most unfailingly C+ student.
When I die, you're all going to be visited by the Ghost Of Christmas Pat. It largely will involve my specter singing, "It Feels Like Christmas" at you just when you've gotten the song out of your head.
December 27, 2025 at 5:20 AM
When I die, you're all going to be visited by the Ghost Of Christmas Pat. It largely will involve my specter singing, "It Feels Like Christmas" at you just when you've gotten the song out of your head.
ACAB includes the boys in the NYPD choir still singing "Galway Bay."
December 25, 2025 at 4:59 PM
ACAB includes the boys in the NYPD choir still singing "Galway Bay."
My friend just called Dylan McDermott and Dermot Mulroney "the its/it's of actors." Merry Christmas, everyone!
December 25, 2025 at 2:45 AM
My friend just called Dylan McDermott and Dermot Mulroney "the its/it's of actors." Merry Christmas, everyone!
Steve Rogers will return in a Pampers commercial
December 23, 2025 at 4:09 PM
Steve Rogers will return in a Pampers commercial
It's crazy that all of this is happening simply because Trump's children suck so badly that he's not content being a grandpa rambling at his grandchildren from a comfy armchair.
December 19, 2025 at 5:27 PM
It's crazy that all of this is happening simply because Trump's children suck so badly that he's not content being a grandpa rambling at his grandchildren from a comfy armchair.
Glad to announce my new initiative in New York City: Fuck Your Parking Space, in which we take the streets back from cars and create a walkable, breathable city.
December 18, 2025 at 9:36 AM
Glad to announce my new initiative in New York City: Fuck Your Parking Space, in which we take the streets back from cars and create a walkable, breathable city.
Kash Patel persistently looks like he's been shown a card trick for the first time
December 18, 2025 at 8:24 AM
Kash Patel persistently looks like he's been shown a card trick for the first time
Ah yes, the traditional presidential Dumpster Fireside Chat
December 18, 2025 at 2:15 AM
Ah yes, the traditional presidential Dumpster Fireside Chat
Counterargument: this dude isn't worth the air he breathes
The world’s richest person just hit another major milestone thanks to the soaring valuation of his rocket maker SpaceX.
Full story: www.forbes.com/sites/mattdu... (Photo: Kevin Winter via Getty Images)
Full story: www.forbes.com/sites/mattdu... (Photo: Kevin Winter via Getty Images)
December 17, 2025 at 3:36 AM
Counterargument: this dude isn't worth the air he breathes
Rob Reiner was such a deft part of the fabric of our cinematic lives for 40 years that it will take forever for people to come to terms with his impact.
December 15, 2025 at 8:40 AM
Rob Reiner was such a deft part of the fabric of our cinematic lives for 40 years that it will take forever for people to come to terms with his impact.
It's crazy that we let Napoleon dictate what defines the mentality of short men. If I somehow ended up in his place at Waterloo, I would've gotten out of my army even having to fight by making jokes. This dude actually fought people. Real tall guy shit.
December 14, 2025 at 2:30 AM
It's crazy that we let Napoleon dictate what defines the mentality of short men. If I somehow ended up in his place at Waterloo, I would've gotten out of my army even having to fight by making jokes. This dude actually fought people. Real tall guy shit.
My stage name is Dan Paulo
December 13, 2025 at 3:18 AM
My stage name is Dan Paulo
In hindsight, Shaggy should've said it was Diddy.
December 12, 2025 at 7:22 AM
In hindsight, Shaggy should've said it was Diddy.
🎶 CUT MY KNIVES INTO PIECES 🎶
🎶 NOW I HAVE SEVERAL KNIVES 🎶
🎶 NOW I HAVE SEVERAL KNIVES 🎶
December 10, 2025 at 4:31 AM
🎶 CUT MY KNIVES INTO PIECES 🎶
🎶 NOW I HAVE SEVERAL KNIVES 🎶
🎶 NOW I HAVE SEVERAL KNIVES 🎶