The Pouch News Media Group
@thepouch.bsky.social
Fearless reporting. NO fluff. NO bias.
[Watched by @orboftherealm.bsky.social]
[Watched by @orboftherealm.bsky.social]
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👑 ROYAL WATCH 👑
Live from Prince Farallel's Royal Court, our EXCLUSIVE coverage of 'pitch the bridge' continues!
We just heard from a filthy young fellow, Jimmy Dirtwater @jimmydirtwater.bsky.social
The little awestruck fellow could barely speak - let alone be understood! Nice try, little mucker!
Live from Prince Farallel's Royal Court, our EXCLUSIVE coverage of 'pitch the bridge' continues!
We just heard from a filthy young fellow, Jimmy Dirtwater @jimmydirtwater.bsky.social
The little awestruck fellow could barely speak - let alone be understood! Nice try, little mucker!
June 30, 2025 at 5:39 AM
👑 ROYAL WATCH 👑
Live from Prince Farallel's Royal Court, our EXCLUSIVE coverage of 'pitch the bridge' continues!
We just heard from a filthy young fellow, Jimmy Dirtwater @jimmydirtwater.bsky.social
The little awestruck fellow could barely speak - let alone be understood! Nice try, little mucker!
Live from Prince Farallel's Royal Court, our EXCLUSIVE coverage of 'pitch the bridge' continues!
We just heard from a filthy young fellow, Jimmy Dirtwater @jimmydirtwater.bsky.social
The little awestruck fellow could barely speak - let alone be understood! Nice try, little mucker!
👑 ROYAL WATCH 👑
Prince Farallel (@princefarallel.bsky.social) granted audiences to two ambitious bridge-builders. 🌉
We just heard the Academy's young Acolyte Merv Astra @mervastra.bsky.social. He was well-received, although he was a big shaky and visibly sweating. 😅
Next up, a dirty muck farmer!
Prince Farallel (@princefarallel.bsky.social) granted audiences to two ambitious bridge-builders. 🌉
We just heard the Academy's young Acolyte Merv Astra @mervastra.bsky.social. He was well-received, although he was a big shaky and visibly sweating. 😅
Next up, a dirty muck farmer!
June 30, 2025 at 5:25 AM
👑 ROYAL WATCH 👑
Prince Farallel (@princefarallel.bsky.social) granted audiences to two ambitious bridge-builders. 🌉
We just heard the Academy's young Acolyte Merv Astra @mervastra.bsky.social. He was well-received, although he was a big shaky and visibly sweating. 😅
Next up, a dirty muck farmer!
Prince Farallel (@princefarallel.bsky.social) granted audiences to two ambitious bridge-builders. 🌉
We just heard the Academy's young Acolyte Merv Astra @mervastra.bsky.social. He was well-received, although he was a big shaky and visibly sweating. 😅
Next up, a dirty muck farmer!
👑 ROYAL WATCH 👑
Prince Farallel (@princefarallel.bsky.social) was just spotted arriving in the village!
💃 WHAT AN ENTRANCE 💃
His pearl-white carriage is drawn by a fabulous beast with an absolutely STUNNING mane! 🎠
🧑🌾 VILLAGERS STUNNED 👩🌾
These backwater rabble are completely flabbergasted! 🤪
Prince Farallel (@princefarallel.bsky.social) was just spotted arriving in the village!
💃 WHAT AN ENTRANCE 💃
His pearl-white carriage is drawn by a fabulous beast with an absolutely STUNNING mane! 🎠
🧑🌾 VILLAGERS STUNNED 👩🌾
These backwater rabble are completely flabbergasted! 🤪
June 28, 2025 at 1:53 AM
👑 ROYAL WATCH 👑
Prince Farallel (@princefarallel.bsky.social) was just spotted arriving in the village!
💃 WHAT AN ENTRANCE 💃
His pearl-white carriage is drawn by a fabulous beast with an absolutely STUNNING mane! 🎠
🧑🌾 VILLAGERS STUNNED 👩🌾
These backwater rabble are completely flabbergasted! 🤪
Prince Farallel (@princefarallel.bsky.social) was just spotted arriving in the village!
💃 WHAT AN ENTRANCE 💃
His pearl-white carriage is drawn by a fabulous beast with an absolutely STUNNING mane! 🎠
🧑🌾 VILLAGERS STUNNED 👩🌾
These backwater rabble are completely flabbergasted! 🤪
BREAKING: We have received word that King Farallel has responded to an anonymous request to address the bridge situation in the village.
His Grace has decreed that we prepare to host his son, Prince Farallel, and his royal entourage!
His Grace has decreed that we prepare to host his son, Prince Farallel, and his royal entourage!
June 19, 2025 at 3:17 PM
BREAKING: We have received word that King Farallel has responded to an anonymous request to address the bridge situation in the village.
His Grace has decreed that we prepare to host his son, Prince Farallel, and his royal entourage!
His Grace has decreed that we prepare to host his son, Prince Farallel, and his royal entourage!
Last night, an anonymous informant sat down with Ax Moorman to expose the High Council of Wizards’ bungled bridge repairs.
Since then, calls for the resignation of @thebluewizard.bsky.social have echoed across the Realm!
Since then, calls for the resignation of @thebluewizard.bsky.social have echoed across the Realm!
June 15, 2025 at 6:49 AM
Last night, an anonymous informant sat down with Ax Moorman to expose the High Council of Wizards’ bungled bridge repairs.
Since then, calls for the resignation of @thebluewizard.bsky.social have echoed across the Realm!
Since then, calls for the resignation of @thebluewizard.bsky.social have echoed across the Realm!
BREAKING: Sources say the High Council is botching the repair of the village bridges with inconsistent messages and vague timelines! More details on our Fishdee News Hour with Ax Moorman!
June 12, 2025 at 5:33 PM
BREAKING: Sources say the High Council is botching the repair of the village bridges with inconsistent messages and vague timelines! More details on our Fishdee News Hour with Ax Moorman!
With @silusa.bsky.social and her serpents driven into exile, life has nearly returned to normal - except for the washed-out bridges.
What will the disgraced Council and HoC @thebluewizard.bsky.social do to fix our critical infrastructure?
Tune in for our in-depth 👀 on the Last Light Moonday news.
What will the disgraced Council and HoC @thebluewizard.bsky.social do to fix our critical infrastructure?
Tune in for our in-depth 👀 on the Last Light Moonday news.
May 19, 2025 at 5:34 PM
With @silusa.bsky.social and her serpents driven into exile, life has nearly returned to normal - except for the washed-out bridges.
What will the disgraced Council and HoC @thebluewizard.bsky.social do to fix our critical infrastructure?
Tune in for our in-depth 👀 on the Last Light Moonday news.
What will the disgraced Council and HoC @thebluewizard.bsky.social do to fix our critical infrastructure?
Tune in for our in-depth 👀 on the Last Light Moonday news.
🚨 NEWS UPDATE 🚨
We can confirm that Silusa the Sorceress is sworn in as Interim Head of the High Council of Wizards.
Sources say her first official act was to imprison a Royal Academy student for illicit use of magic. Her second act we to re-legalize magic.
1/2
We can confirm that Silusa the Sorceress is sworn in as Interim Head of the High Council of Wizards.
Sources say her first official act was to imprison a Royal Academy student for illicit use of magic. Her second act we to re-legalize magic.
1/2
January 28, 2025 at 6:09 AM
🚨 NEWS UPDATE 🚨
We can confirm that Silusa the Sorceress is sworn in as Interim Head of the High Council of Wizards.
Sources say her first official act was to imprison a Royal Academy student for illicit use of magic. Her second act we to re-legalize magic.
1/2
We can confirm that Silusa the Sorceress is sworn in as Interim Head of the High Council of Wizards.
Sources say her first official act was to imprison a Royal Academy student for illicit use of magic. Her second act we to re-legalize magic.
1/2
Ax Moorman here. Reporting from outside the Sacred Hall.
We received a tip that tonight there has been an emergency High Council of Wizards meeting called. Council members have been arriving, from far and wide.
All have declined to comment but there have been murmuring and hushed conversations.
We received a tip that tonight there has been an emergency High Council of Wizards meeting called. Council members have been arriving, from far and wide.
All have declined to comment but there have been murmuring and hushed conversations.
January 18, 2025 at 11:19 PM
Ax Moorman here. Reporting from outside the Sacred Hall.
We received a tip that tonight there has been an emergency High Council of Wizards meeting called. Council members have been arriving, from far and wide.
All have declined to comment but there have been murmuring and hushed conversations.
We received a tip that tonight there has been an emergency High Council of Wizards meeting called. Council members have been arriving, from far and wide.
All have declined to comment but there have been murmuring and hushed conversations.
🚨News Flash!
The Pouch's Ax Moorman has investigated the rumors. It was NOT some holiday prank - the Blue Wizard and the former Head of Council (@thegreenwizard.bsky.social) have been imprisoned in The Prism.
1/2
The Pouch's Ax Moorman has investigated the rumors. It was NOT some holiday prank - the Blue Wizard and the former Head of Council (@thegreenwizard.bsky.social) have been imprisoned in The Prism.
1/2
January 12, 2025 at 3:33 AM
🚨News Flash!
The Pouch's Ax Moorman has investigated the rumors. It was NOT some holiday prank - the Blue Wizard and the former Head of Council (@thegreenwizard.bsky.social) have been imprisoned in The Prism.
1/2
The Pouch's Ax Moorman has investigated the rumors. It was NOT some holiday prank - the Blue Wizard and the former Head of Council (@thegreenwizard.bsky.social) have been imprisoned in The Prism.
1/2
🚨FINAL UPDATE:
As the evening draws to a close with a Druid victory firmly in hand, I’m reminded of something the legendary Althea Forthwind once told me as we ran for our lives from a herd of ice trolls in Tjórmskåle. “Axie,” she said (she called me Axie), “Axie,
1/2
As the evening draws to a close with a Druid victory firmly in hand, I’m reminded of something the legendary Althea Forthwind once told me as we ran for our lives from a herd of ice trolls in Tjórmskåle. “Axie,” she said (she called me Axie), “Axie,
1/2
December 10, 2024 at 7:40 AM
🚨FINAL UPDATE:
As the evening draws to a close with a Druid victory firmly in hand, I’m reminded of something the legendary Althea Forthwind once told me as we ran for our lives from a herd of ice trolls in Tjórmskåle. “Axie,” she said (she called me Axie), “Axie,
1/2
As the evening draws to a close with a Druid victory firmly in hand, I’m reminded of something the legendary Althea Forthwind once told me as we ran for our lives from a herd of ice trolls in Tjórmskåle. “Axie,” she said (she called me Axie), “Axie,
1/2
🚨 UPDATE: “Folks, you heard it here first — we’re gonna be just fine. Wowie those bears are mean!!!”
#ontheground #kettleocalypse
#ontheground #kettleocalypse
December 10, 2024 at 7:21 AM
🚨 UPDATE: “Folks, you heard it here first — we’re gonna be just fine. Wowie those bears are mean!!!”
#ontheground #kettleocalypse
#ontheground #kettleocalypse
🚨UPDATE: “It’s all come to this. The grizzlies have reached the village, and the kettles appear ready to hold their ground. Days of kettle terror, and now the battle for our lives begins. No turning back.” -Ax
#ontheground #kettleocalypse
#ontheground #kettleocalypse
December 10, 2024 at 6:59 AM
🚨UPDATE: “It’s all come to this. The grizzlies have reached the village, and the kettles appear ready to hold their ground. Days of kettle terror, and now the battle for our lives begins. No turning back.” -Ax
#ontheground #kettleocalypse
#ontheground #kettleocalypse
🚨UPDATE: “As I hid inside a big ceramic pot I witnessed a young(?) woman with a strange gait approaching the village drawbridge. She pulled the lever, admitting into town several Druids and a massive army of grizzlies. Could this be our salvation? Updates as they happen.” -Ax
December 10, 2024 at 6:17 AM
🚨UPDATE: “As I hid inside a big ceramic pot I witnessed a young(?) woman with a strange gait approaching the village drawbridge. She pulled the lever, admitting into town several Druids and a massive army of grizzlies. Could this be our salvation? Updates as they happen.” -Ax
🚨UPDATE: A dramatic turn of events within the last hour.
The situation was dire, with the villagers corralled into a kind of mud pit, the kettles relentlessly pouring lukewarm tea water into the pit.
1/2
The situation was dire, with the villagers corralled into a kind of mud pit, the kettles relentlessly pouring lukewarm tea water into the pit.
1/2
December 9, 2024 at 6:22 AM
🚨UPDATE: A dramatic turn of events within the last hour.
The situation was dire, with the villagers corralled into a kind of mud pit, the kettles relentlessly pouring lukewarm tea water into the pit.
1/2
The situation was dire, with the villagers corralled into a kind of mud pit, the kettles relentlessly pouring lukewarm tea water into the pit.
1/2
🚨UPDATE: “Kettles continue their assault. Villagers are left to flee for their lives. Reports of widespread panic and minor scaldings. More updates to come.” -Ax
#kettleocalypse #ontheground
#kettleocalypse #ontheground
December 9, 2024 at 3:47 AM
🚨UPDATE: “Kettles continue their assault. Villagers are left to flee for their lives. Reports of widespread panic and minor scaldings. More updates to come.” -Ax
#kettleocalypse #ontheground
#kettleocalypse #ontheground
🚨 BREAKING: A kettle launches an attack as a villager flees home carrying his meagre possessions.
Reporting and photos by Ax Moorman on the ground -- updates as the situation unfolds.
#kettleocalypse
Reporting and photos by Ax Moorman on the ground -- updates as the situation unfolds.
#kettleocalypse
December 8, 2024 at 10:32 PM
🚨 BREAKING: A kettle launches an attack as a villager flees home carrying his meagre possessions.
Reporting and photos by Ax Moorman on the ground -- updates as the situation unfolds.
#kettleocalypse
Reporting and photos by Ax Moorman on the ground -- updates as the situation unfolds.
#kettleocalypse
🚨 BREAKING: Kettles gathered in the center of the village, ominously quiet and slowly pulsating.
Reporting and photos by Ax Moorman on the ground -- updates as the situation unfolds.
Reporting and photos by Ax Moorman on the ground -- updates as the situation unfolds.
December 8, 2024 at 3:35 AM
🚨 BREAKING: Kettles gathered in the center of the village, ominously quiet and slowly pulsating.
Reporting and photos by Ax Moorman on the ground -- updates as the situation unfolds.
Reporting and photos by Ax Moorman on the ground -- updates as the situation unfolds.
🚨 BREAKING: Kettles launch coordinated attacks against residents of the village. Reports of serious scaldings. Reporting and photos by Ax Moorman on the ground -- updates as the situation unfolds.
#breakingnews #kettleocalypse
#breakingnews #kettleocalypse
December 8, 2024 at 12:54 AM
🚨 BREAKING: Kettles launch coordinated attacks against residents of the village. Reports of serious scaldings. Reporting and photos by Ax Moorman on the ground -- updates as the situation unfolds.
#breakingnews #kettleocalypse
#breakingnews #kettleocalypse
ATTENTION: To those few villagers who are still awake, we’re repeating the Blue Wizard’s counterspell all day from The Big Tree's soundspire.
Please ensure your slumbering loved ones hear it! Upon awakening do your best to hide for now — help is on the way!
#staysafe #kettleocalypse
Please ensure your slumbering loved ones hear it! Upon awakening do your best to hide for now — help is on the way!
#staysafe #kettleocalypse
I got it! I finally found a long forgotten counterspell for a hex-enchantment of an inanimate object that mimics and Enthrall curse!
Please, @thepouch.bsky.social can you help spread this! It is the only way!
It worked to finally awaken Merv!
Please, @thepouch.bsky.social can you help spread this! It is the only way!
It worked to finally awaken Merv!
December 7, 2024 at 8:16 PM
ATTENTION: To those few villagers who are still awake, we’re repeating the Blue Wizard’s counterspell all day from The Big Tree's soundspire.
Please ensure your slumbering loved ones hear it! Upon awakening do your best to hide for now — help is on the way!
#staysafe #kettleocalypse
Please ensure your slumbering loved ones hear it! Upon awakening do your best to hide for now — help is on the way!
#staysafe #kettleocalypse
We messed up.
Earlier today we reported that anyone who acquired a "BW Kettle" should immediately destroy it.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DESTROY THE KETTLE. REPEAT: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DESTROY THE KETTLE.
Also do not flee or raise your voice, they don't like that.
#Correction #Accountability
Earlier today we reported that anyone who acquired a "BW Kettle" should immediately destroy it.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DESTROY THE KETTLE. REPEAT: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DESTROY THE KETTLE.
Also do not flee or raise your voice, they don't like that.
#Correction #Accountability
"Got us one yesterday" said one user in an exclusive interview. "My husband asked it to make him a cuppa and the next thing I know he's on the floor snoring and drooling. You get what you pay for don't ya!"
Anyone who acquired one of these kettles is advised to immediately destroy it.
2/2
Anyone who acquired one of these kettles is advised to immediately destroy it.
2/2
December 7, 2024 at 12:02 AM
We messed up.
Earlier today we reported that anyone who acquired a "BW Kettle" should immediately destroy it.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DESTROY THE KETTLE. REPEAT: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DESTROY THE KETTLE.
Also do not flee or raise your voice, they don't like that.
#Correction #Accountability
Earlier today we reported that anyone who acquired a "BW Kettle" should immediately destroy it.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DESTROY THE KETTLE. REPEAT: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DESTROY THE KETTLE.
Also do not flee or raise your voice, they don't like that.
#Correction #Accountability
🚨CONSUMER SAFETY ALERT: "BW Kettle" Hazard🚨
Ax Moorman reports on a concerning appliance malfunction:
Authorities are urging caution after reports have surfaced of the Blue Wizard's enchanted devices deliberately "cursing" their users into a deep slumber
1/2
Ax Moorman reports on a concerning appliance malfunction:
Authorities are urging caution after reports have surfaced of the Blue Wizard's enchanted devices deliberately "cursing" their users into a deep slumber
1/2
December 6, 2024 at 6:47 PM
🚨CONSUMER SAFETY ALERT: "BW Kettle" Hazard🚨
Ax Moorman reports on a concerning appliance malfunction:
Authorities are urging caution after reports have surfaced of the Blue Wizard's enchanted devices deliberately "cursing" their users into a deep slumber
1/2
Ax Moorman reports on a concerning appliance malfunction:
Authorities are urging caution after reports have surfaced of the Blue Wizard's enchanted devices deliberately "cursing" their users into a deep slumber
1/2
Thanks for your patience, everyone.
Let's start this master thread!
As 'Bjorn' and I have pre-arranged, I'm patientily waiting at the edge of Skank Forest at sunset. The view right now of The Big Tree is stunning.
Let's start this master thread!
As 'Bjorn' and I have pre-arranged, I'm patientily waiting at the edge of Skank Forest at sunset. The view right now of The Big Tree is stunning.
November 22, 2024 at 4:11 AM
Thanks for your patience, everyone.
Let's start this master thread!
As 'Bjorn' and I have pre-arranged, I'm patientily waiting at the edge of Skank Forest at sunset. The view right now of The Big Tree is stunning.
Let's start this master thread!
As 'Bjorn' and I have pre-arranged, I'm patientily waiting at the edge of Skank Forest at sunset. The view right now of The Big Tree is stunning.
Hi everyone, it's me, Ax Moorman taking over. New to Bluesky!
I'm setting up for our BIG exclusive with 'Bjorn' the enigmatic whistle-blower.
Thanks to our staff at The Pouch for assistance with transcription.
I'm setting up for our BIG exclusive with 'Bjorn' the enigmatic whistle-blower.
Thanks to our staff at The Pouch for assistance with transcription.
November 22, 2024 at 4:03 AM
Hi everyone, it's me, Ax Moorman taking over. New to Bluesky!
I'm setting up for our BIG exclusive with 'Bjorn' the enigmatic whistle-blower.
Thanks to our staff at The Pouch for assistance with transcription.
I'm setting up for our BIG exclusive with 'Bjorn' the enigmatic whistle-blower.
Thanks to our staff at The Pouch for assistance with transcription.