The Scrolletariat
@thescrolletariat.bsky.social
News for the over-scrolled and under-informed
Read more at scrolletariat.com
“All I saw was a wall, but Google Maps has literally opened a new door for me" #googlemaps #satire
Man Crashes Through Apartment Wall Using Google’s Optimised Route To Toilet — and how he spends his newly acquired free time - scrolletariat.com
“All I saw was a wall, but Google Maps has literally opened a new door for me.”
scrolletariat.com
November 14, 2025 at 12:44 PM
“All I saw was a wall, but Google Maps has literally opened a new door for me" #googlemaps #satire
Keir Starmer reflected on their special relationship. “Trump’s golden jet stream is as warm and relaxing as summer rain. Please sir, can I have some more?” scrolletariat.com/trump-declar...
September 20, 2025 at 2:55 PM
Keir Starmer reflected on their special relationship. “Trump’s golden jet stream is as warm and relaxing as summer rain. Please sir, can I have some more?” scrolletariat.com/trump-declar...
"The iPacifier boasts an elegant 360° rotational screen that activates social media feeds in response to a baby’s natural sucking reflex." #iphone scrolletariat.com/apple-launch...
September 10, 2025 at 2:06 PM
"The iPacifier boasts an elegant 360° rotational screen that activates social media feeds in response to a baby’s natural sucking reflex." #iphone scrolletariat.com/apple-launch...
"The award celebrates the inordinate impact of one brainless man on the world."
Trump Receives Prestigious First Head Of State Without Brain Award - scrolletariat.com
“He’s been going remarkably well for a President with rotting flesh between his ears”
scrolletariat.com
September 2, 2025 at 7:21 PM
"The award celebrates the inordinate impact of one brainless man on the world."
Global Doctor Shortage Linked To Boom In Medical Podcasts
Global Doctor Shortage Linked To Boom In Medical Podcasts - scrolletariat.com
To maintain public health, the WHO is now prescribing individuals 15 minutes of motivational podcasts daily, alongside whatever subscription supplement the doctor is spruiking
scrolletariat.com
August 26, 2025 at 7:52 AM
Global Doctor Shortage Linked To Boom In Medical Podcasts
Strava refused to comment on the specific cases, whilst noting that 100% of living athletes have achieved substantial performance gains.
Strava's motivational drones encourage athletes to go extra mile - scrolletariat.com
'The company has effectively bottled motivation.'
scrolletariat.com
August 22, 2025 at 1:13 PM
Strava refused to comment on the specific cases, whilst noting that 100% of living athletes have achieved substantial performance gains.
The graphic footage, resembling a Mum walking in on her teenager’s bedroom without knocking, aims to raise consumer awareness about choosing ethically sourced, free range gimps. #satire
Free The Gimps: PETA Confuses BDSM Party for Factory Farm - scrolletariat.com
"It’s absolutely obscene that a full-grown man would be subjected to this treatment. However, we do appreciate that the cage occupants wore an abundance of rubber and latex over animal-based outfits."
scrolletariat.com
July 7, 2025 at 3:58 PM
The graphic footage, resembling a Mum walking in on her teenager’s bedroom without knocking, aims to raise consumer awareness about choosing ethically sourced, free range gimps. #satire
Oxford study: Last to load dishwasher superior—betas urged to embrace feedback #satire
Oxford study: Last to load dishwasher superior—betas urged to embrace feedback - scrolletariat.com
The study suggests that if more people used the Alpha stacking method for dishwashers, the climate crisis would be solved and global household tensions would subside—it all hinges on following the Alp...
scrolletariat.com
July 3, 2025 at 11:44 AM
Oxford study: Last to load dishwasher superior—betas urged to embrace feedback #satire
Trump’s $1.99 Peace Platform Blows Up Online—Also Iran
Trump’s $1.99 Peace Platform Blows Up Online—Also Iran - scrolletariat.com
"This initiative is a true masterstroke. President Trump has combined two elements that unite all Americans—blowing things up and monthly billing."
scrolletariat.com
June 25, 2025 at 9:20 AM
Trump’s $1.99 Peace Platform Blows Up Online—Also Iran
The future depends on what you scroll today
-Ghandi
-Ghandi
June 23, 2025 at 1:27 PM
The future depends on what you scroll today
-Ghandi
-Ghandi
Introducing the iPacifier, because it's never too early to scroll. #AppleEvent
Apple Launches iPacifier™—The World’s First Smart-Dummy - scrolletariat.com
The iPacifier boasts an elegant 360° rotational screen that activates social media feeds in response to a baby’s natural sucking reflex.
scrolletariat.com
June 17, 2025 at 8:31 AM
Introducing the iPacifier, because it's never too early to scroll. #AppleEvent
“Without scrolling, life would be a mistake.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
– Friedrich Nietzsche
June 11, 2025 at 4:50 PM
“Without scrolling, life would be a mistake.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
– Friedrich Nietzsche
Once commonly sighted circling bloated bureaucracies with his swarm of vulturlings, in recent weeks #Musk has been spotted crestfallen, sucking on used needles outside DC injection clinics muttering to himself about the virtues of upcycling.
Musk resigns from DOGE—“I can’t find a more efficient way to gut the health system” - scrolletariat.com
Once commonly sighted circling bloated bureaucracies with his swarm of vulturlings, in recent weeks Musk has been spotted crestfallen, sucking on used needles outside DC injection clinics muttering to...
scrolletariat.com
June 2, 2025 at 4:56 AM
Once commonly sighted circling bloated bureaucracies with his swarm of vulturlings, in recent weeks #Musk has been spotted crestfallen, sucking on used needles outside DC injection clinics muttering to himself about the virtues of upcycling.
Reposted by The Scrolletariat
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May 28, 2025 at 4:30 PM
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Love this piece: "It just really comes as a shock that such accomplished intellectuals, who’ve spent their entire careers pushing the upper bounds of human achievement, could be judgy about a machine that runs the entirety of human imagination through a shredder and glues together what comes out."
A Company Reminder for Everyone to Talk Nicely About the Giant Plagiarism Machine
Hey team. It’s your CEO. I know your time is valuable, so I’ll cut right to the chase: It’s come to my attention that some of you have been bad-mou...
www.mcsweeneys.net
May 27, 2025 at 3:24 PM
Love this piece: "It just really comes as a shock that such accomplished intellectuals, who’ve spent their entire careers pushing the upper bounds of human achievement, could be judgy about a machine that runs the entirety of human imagination through a shredder and glues together what comes out."
Toddler Abs are in!
You’re perfect. It’s your Tellytubby of a toddler that is tanking your Mumfluencer channel - scrolletariat.com
Toddler Abs Are In: How the Algorithm and Targeted Supplements Are Helping Your 3-Year-Old Shape Up This Summer
scrolletariat.com
May 19, 2025 at 1:36 PM
Toddler Abs are in!
#Ye launched his new line of T-shirts during the #SuperBowl as part of his ambitious Kickstarter campaign. Kanye has partnered with Silicon Valley’s finest to build the world’s first time-machine, with the sole aim of taking the rapper back to the Nuremberg rallies of 1934. tinyurl.com/29h3vk92
February 13, 2025 at 8:16 AM
#Ye launched his new line of T-shirts during the #SuperBowl as part of his ambitious Kickstarter campaign. Kanye has partnered with Silicon Valley’s finest to build the world’s first time-machine, with the sole aim of taking the rapper back to the Nuremberg rallies of 1934. tinyurl.com/29h3vk92
"It appears as Trump ramps up rhetoric about acquiring Greenland, another giant ice sheet jumps into the ocean. It’s the largest act of glacial suicide I have witnessed.” tinyurl.com/33k96dux
February 11, 2025 at 9:47 AM
"It appears as Trump ramps up rhetoric about acquiring Greenland, another giant ice sheet jumps into the ocean. It’s the largest act of glacial suicide I have witnessed.” tinyurl.com/33k96dux
Under the leadership of the world’s richest man #ElonMusk, #USAID has halted its operations across the world. DOGE will instead fund crypto wallets using PauperCoin for people living below the poverty line. tinyurl.com/paupercoin
February 7, 2025 at 10:47 AM
Under the leadership of the world’s richest man #ElonMusk, #USAID has halted its operations across the world. DOGE will instead fund crypto wallets using PauperCoin for people living below the poverty line. tinyurl.com/paupercoin
During Donald Trump’s Oscar worthy presidential inauguration, #ElonMusk silently unveiled an upgrade to Tesla’s Cybertruck. The new hand gesture, referred to as the Robot Roman, will solve the age-old problem of losing your car keys. tinyurl.com/scrolletaria...
January 30, 2025 at 6:24 PM
During Donald Trump’s Oscar worthy presidential inauguration, #ElonMusk silently unveiled an upgrade to Tesla’s Cybertruck. The new hand gesture, referred to as the Robot Roman, will solve the age-old problem of losing your car keys. tinyurl.com/scrolletaria...
What does the world’s strongest man and the wealthiest person alive have in common? According to #DeepSeek, North Korea’s Supreme Leader, Kim Jong Un holds claim to both titles. tinyurl.com/scrolletariat
January 30, 2025 at 5:17 PM
What does the world’s strongest man and the wealthiest person alive have in common? According to #DeepSeek, North Korea’s Supreme Leader, Kim Jong Un holds claim to both titles. tinyurl.com/scrolletariat