TheTonyCrawford
@thetonycrawford.bsky.social
Standby for random dissociation.
Happy new year to everyone except the alpha males with Punisher stickers on their Dodge Challengers who aren’t pitching a fit about the Epstein files. Frank Castle wouldn’t put up with that.
January 1, 2026 at 7:47 PM
Happy new year to everyone except the alpha males with Punisher stickers on their Dodge Challengers who aren’t pitching a fit about the Epstein files. Frank Castle wouldn’t put up with that.
Shampoo for your real friends.
Real poo for your sham friends.
Real poo for your sham friends.
December 19, 2025 at 5:16 PM
Shampoo for your real friends.
Real poo for your sham friends.
Real poo for your sham friends.
This can’t be real. Isn’t Malk a joke product from The Simpsons?
December 12, 2025 at 5:26 PM
This can’t be real. Isn’t Malk a joke product from The Simpsons?
Time to throw away my full length mirror. Just learned I have the body of Will Ferrell without the hilariousness.
December 6, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Time to throw away my full length mirror. Just learned I have the body of Will Ferrell without the hilariousness.
Trying to blend in with the Canadians today. First I waited for the light to turn green before I crossed the street, then I held the door for someone and apologized for it.
November 30, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Trying to blend in with the Canadians today. First I waited for the light to turn green before I crossed the street, then I held the door for someone and apologized for it.
Dear US government:
Please do not defund education.
I just watched someone stopped in their tracks two gates from the dead end of a terminal asking someone on the phone if they knew which way they needed to go to get out.
Please do not defund education.
I just watched someone stopped in their tracks two gates from the dead end of a terminal asking someone on the phone if they knew which way they needed to go to get out.
November 29, 2025 at 1:50 PM
Dear US government:
Please do not defund education.
I just watched someone stopped in their tracks two gates from the dead end of a terminal asking someone on the phone if they knew which way they needed to go to get out.
Please do not defund education.
I just watched someone stopped in their tracks two gates from the dead end of a terminal asking someone on the phone if they knew which way they needed to go to get out.
Thanksgiving eve is like the Met gala for the townies.
November 26, 2025 at 10:22 PM
Thanksgiving eve is like the Met gala for the townies.
Fun times at the local bar tonight. I’ve never met someone IN PERSON who very honestly believes [only certain] hurricanes are man-made in order to establish a 15-minute city, which I just now have learned some “information outlets” will tell you a 15-minute city is a place they don’t let you leave.
November 18, 2025 at 5:06 AM
Fun times at the local bar tonight. I’ve never met someone IN PERSON who very honestly believes [only certain] hurricanes are man-made in order to establish a 15-minute city, which I just now have learned some “information outlets” will tell you a 15-minute city is a place they don’t let you leave.
Ah, welcome to that time of year when we don’t throw away our Amazon boxes because we can reuse them to “send something to the kids.”
November 17, 2025 at 2:16 AM
Ah, welcome to that time of year when we don’t throw away our Amazon boxes because we can reuse them to “send something to the kids.”
Go after Epstein’s pedo-files.
November 12, 2025 at 11:23 PM
Go after Epstein’s pedo-files.
What a conflicting day for a progressive person with empathy.
September 11, 2025 at 12:22 AM
What a conflicting day for a progressive person with empathy.
September 5, 2025 at 4:33 AM
This administration ABSOLUTELY would hide his death for a couple of weeks and have a body double play the role; But plot twist, that guy’s actually really nice, does some good things, and accidentally saves the country. Yes, thats the plot to the 1993 film ‘Dave,’ but also…. #whereistrump
August 31, 2025 at 10:16 AM
This administration ABSOLUTELY would hide his death for a couple of weeks and have a body double play the role; But plot twist, that guy’s actually really nice, does some good things, and accidentally saves the country. Yes, thats the plot to the 1993 film ‘Dave,’ but also…. #whereistrump
Maybe feels a little too on the nose to find a discarded constitution for sale at the neighborhood Salvation Army.
August 28, 2025 at 11:12 PM
Maybe feels a little too on the nose to find a discarded constitution for sale at the neighborhood Salvation Army.
Is there a name for the introverts who end up in management positions and then after facilitating a meeting, before you send off the follow up emails, you have to go in the other room and give yourself a little snaky snack?
August 21, 2025 at 4:03 PM
Is there a name for the introverts who end up in management positions and then after facilitating a meeting, before you send off the follow up emails, you have to go in the other room and give yourself a little snaky snack?
My sister and her kids came to visit this past weekend. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a vasectomy to catch.
August 12, 2025 at 3:30 PM
My sister and her kids came to visit this past weekend. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a vasectomy to catch.
I don’t deal with aggressive quips from people I don’t know for less than $75 an hour.
July 8, 2025 at 10:44 PM
I don’t deal with aggressive quips from people I don’t know for less than $75 an hour.
I’m really loving this new leaf on our monstera plant. It’s so good it’s been distracting me from the absolute dystopia we’ve been marinating in lately.
June 27, 2025 at 4:01 PM
I’m really loving this new leaf on our monstera plant. It’s so good it’s been distracting me from the absolute dystopia we’ve been marinating in lately.
Alright. Elon says trump wouldn’t have won the election without him. Elon, just tell us how you did it. Just say it.
June 5, 2025 at 9:11 PM
Alright. Elon says trump wouldn’t have won the election without him. Elon, just tell us how you did it. Just say it.
A classic airport breakfast at 9:54a, brought to you by “our breakfast menu ended at 9:30.”
#CLTairport
#CLTairport
June 3, 2025 at 3:07 PM
A classic airport breakfast at 9:54a, brought to you by “our breakfast menu ended at 9:30.”
#CLTairport
#CLTairport
People without depression and anxiety are wild. My wife still can’t fathom how I can just sigh for no specific reason.
May 27, 2025 at 4:59 PM
People without depression and anxiety are wild. My wife still can’t fathom how I can just sigh for no specific reason.
I probably just thought way too hard about what socks I was going to wear, knowing I would later be going into the power tools section at Lowe’s.
May 19, 2025 at 7:23 PM
I probably just thought way too hard about what socks I was going to wear, knowing I would later be going into the power tools section at Lowe’s.
May 9, 2025 at 3:01 AM
I can’t wait for The Phoenician Scheme to come out and see what kind of national security threats Wes Anderson has been up to.
May 5, 2025 at 9:30 PM
I can’t wait for The Phoenician Scheme to come out and see what kind of national security threats Wes Anderson has been up to.