Woke up to the cat licking the wall next to my head.
Anyone else?

My morning commute is always so interesting. Today, I passed a lone alpaca in a field of cows, followed by a burning building.

What a day.

The amount of time that my optometrist had a one-sided conversation with me about her husband's inability to pull out was 14.5 minutes too long.

Instead of new glasses I left with lots of new/unnecessary information and disappointment.

*mother, reading to my 3 mo old*:

"Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon; the blue dog laughed to see such sport, and the plate ran away with the spoon.....the fucking whore"

Been watching a lot of Micky Mouse Clubhouse with my boy lately.

Can someone please chime in -- why is Pluto a pet and Goofy is anthropomorphic, but they're both dogs? How does that work? One got sentience but has the IQ of a brick wall, the other is bork bork sniff wawoo

There's a first for everything I suppose; like today, after clipping her claws, Juice retaliated by biting me on the butt. Straight up teeth to cheek.

I think it's important to remember, with everything extremely fucked up and dumb right now, that at the root of it, fuck fuck fucking fucking fuck.

Taking suggestions for Wheels On The Bus lyrics - seems to be the only way to calm my little man down, so I need more passengers to sing about.

If you need some inspo, we've added:
- R2 (D2) on the bus goes Beep Beep Boop
- Snoop Dogg on the bus goes Puff Puff Pass

#newmom

Fridays are for the #SquirtleSquad

Singing nonsense to my 3 mo old and it just occurred to me: you can do the woodchuck ditty to any other 2-syllabled animal and keep them entertained for hours

Ex:

- How much vark could an aardvark vark if an aardvark could vark aard?
- How much tah could a cheetah tah if a cheetah could chee tah

Questions I never thought I'd ask another human person:

- Did you just poop on me

I think I lost a lot of my brain functionality this last year to the placenta, which didn't end up functioning properly anyway 🫠

A lot has happened over the last 5 years. On an unrelated note, I have some stupid thoughts that I'd like to share while I have an audience of zero, that have been causing me additional moments of my free time and mental freedom.

First thought: Montana is just "montaña" without the tilde.