@tommyspearscomedy.bsky.social
Comedian, writer, actor and wit. Wordplay and swordplay are only a letter apart!
I need to buy some red spray paint so I can correct the grammar and spelling in our building’s graffiti.
March 13, 2025 at 7:22 PM
I need to buy some red spray paint so I can correct the grammar and spelling in our building’s graffiti.
Last night I saw a well-dressed man and I thought to myself “oh cool, he’s wearing a short-sleeved blazer” and I swear to god half an hour went by before I realized “that’s a shirt, you’re just describing what a shirt is.”
March 12, 2025 at 6:57 PM
Last night I saw a well-dressed man and I thought to myself “oh cool, he’s wearing a short-sleeved blazer” and I swear to god half an hour went by before I realized “that’s a shirt, you’re just describing what a shirt is.”
I love Los Angeles in the rain because it feels like a film noir detective could start doing jaded voiceover any second.
March 11, 2025 at 5:34 PM
I love Los Angeles in the rain because it feels like a film noir detective could start doing jaded voiceover any second.
At this point the absolute safest retirement plan is winning on a game show.
March 5, 2025 at 9:17 PM
At this point the absolute safest retirement plan is winning on a game show.
Reposted
(1/3) It needs repeating: in 1994, Ukraine was persuaded to give up its nuclear weapons to Russia in return for the US, the UK, and Russia guaranteeing Ukraine’s sovereignty, security, and territorial integrity.
March 4, 2025 at 5:57 PM
(1/3) It needs repeating: in 1994, Ukraine was persuaded to give up its nuclear weapons to Russia in return for the US, the UK, and Russia guaranteeing Ukraine’s sovereignty, security, and territorial integrity.
Reposted
Wait is this app named for the Irving Berlin song??
February 27, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Wait is this app named for the Irving Berlin song??
Remember like a year ago when congress confirmed aliens were real? What happened with that, anyway?
February 26, 2025 at 7:29 PM
Remember like a year ago when congress confirmed aliens were real? What happened with that, anyway?
I told my friend he looks like a young Cary Grant and the woman sitting in front of us turned around to look, so yeah, I guess you could say I’m an influencer.
February 20, 2025 at 6:43 PM
I told my friend he looks like a young Cary Grant and the woman sitting in front of us turned around to look, so yeah, I guess you could say I’m an influencer.
Why doesn’t the word “leopard” rhyme with the word “leotard?” What happened to my country?
February 18, 2025 at 7:18 PM
Why doesn’t the word “leopard” rhyme with the word “leotard?” What happened to my country?
Bury me in a diner.
February 13, 2025 at 8:51 PM
Bury me in a diner.
Can’t wait for the next episode of Billionaires ca. Humanity!!
February 12, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Can’t wait for the next episode of Billionaires ca. Humanity!!
I keep seeing my friends in LA posting about a mechanical bull—where is this country/western bar and can I spit tobacco right on the floor??
February 11, 2025 at 9:30 PM
I keep seeing my friends in LA posting about a mechanical bull—where is this country/western bar and can I spit tobacco right on the floor??
If I could have any job in the world, it would be Snack Guy to the Revolution.
February 6, 2025 at 8:32 PM
If I could have any job in the world, it would be Snack Guy to the Revolution.
Vanilla Ice should sue these racists for ruining the phrase “ice, ice baby”
January 30, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Vanilla Ice should sue these racists for ruining the phrase “ice, ice baby”
It’s so crazy that groceries aren’t cheaper. It’s almost like some moron tried to get rid of a ton of food production laborers…but who would be that stupid?
January 29, 2025 at 10:34 PM
It’s so crazy that groceries aren’t cheaper. It’s almost like some moron tried to get rid of a ton of food production laborers…but who would be that stupid?
I gotta say, as a grant writer working for nonprofits, y’all are about to learn how much you actually rely on grants and how much they touch your lives. So have fun with that.
January 28, 2025 at 10:17 PM
I gotta say, as a grant writer working for nonprofits, y’all are about to learn how much you actually rely on grants and how much they touch your lives. So have fun with that.
It’s funny—I was told that time would only be moving forward this year.
January 28, 2025 at 12:18 AM
It’s funny—I was told that time would only be moving forward this year.
Reposted
Once again, Musk overtly spreads the Great Replacement conspiracy theory.
The fact that there is not an outcry at every single one of these tweets shows how easily this conspiracy theory has been normalized. A big part of that is that Musk just spreads it constantly, so people/media just give up.
The fact that there is not an outcry at every single one of these tweets shows how easily this conspiracy theory has been normalized. A big part of that is that Musk just spreads it constantly, so people/media just give up.
January 27, 2025 at 4:20 AM
Once again, Musk overtly spreads the Great Replacement conspiracy theory.
The fact that there is not an outcry at every single one of these tweets shows how easily this conspiracy theory has been normalized. A big part of that is that Musk just spreads it constantly, so people/media just give up.
The fact that there is not an outcry at every single one of these tweets shows how easily this conspiracy theory has been normalized. A big part of that is that Musk just spreads it constantly, so people/media just give up.
Reposted
So many have not learned them at all.
January 22, 2025 at 6:01 PM
So many have not learned them at all.
I can’t be sure, but I’m starting to think that heir to an apartheid emerald mine might be a racist.
January 22, 2025 at 7:17 PM
I can’t be sure, but I’m starting to think that heir to an apartheid emerald mine might be a racist.
TIL that you can’t approach horses from behind or they’ll spook, and I immediately asked, out loud, “wait, did horses invent missionary?” and I don’t think I’m getting a second interview at that zoo.
January 21, 2025 at 10:43 PM
TIL that you can’t approach horses from behind or they’ll spook, and I immediately asked, out loud, “wait, did horses invent missionary?” and I don’t think I’m getting a second interview at that zoo.