The time value of money does mean that loving your family is a huge waste. Additionally, your retirement fund is getting fucked because you aren’t currently fishing coins out of the children’s hospital fountain and putting that into derivatives. What are you waiting for?!

The surface of the earth will melt to glass because of the right wing gooners compelled to generate Sydney Sweeney deep fakes with Grok - The Book of Revelation 18:8

I auditioned for the CIA as a spy with imposter syndrome.

Senator, I’d like to put a plug in for you. Or should I say, 4000 plugs. I now support you skipping those town halls. Too big a risk of infection.

Manosphere? Too curvaceous and feminine of a shape. My digital marketing firm startup is doing some work on a rebrand to Cocktagon.

If Ja Morrant had any guts, he’d start celebrating threes by doing an fpv combat drone gesture that strikes at the heart of the enemy’s infrastructure.

Started calling boobs Swollen Nymph Nodes.

Plot my boners if you want to experience generational-savant-level genius, Nate Silver.

We have chicken salad sandwiches. Which I love. Is a sloppy Joe a beef salad sandwhich?

My Severance theories would blow your mind. After listening to me explain the Gateway Tapes, binaural beats, the resonant frequency of the ionosphere, and synchronizing theta and alpha brain waves. Recommending several podcasts episodes, blog articles, and YouTube video essays. You’d want to die.

Can’t wait for the first government mandated All-Hands Meeting. They will send out the invite and reschedule 3 times. YMCA as the welcome music. Call all citizens “family”. Give an award to the top performing executioner for embodying the “patriotism” value. Then announce no bonuses (tax refunds).

Nosferatu (2024)

Having a BRAT Christmas. 🎄🚽 Bumpin’ dat

I VOTED

Starting a petition. Change the word embezzlement to bedazzlement. White collar crime will not stand if retirees are getting caught in a bedazzlement schemes.

Making chicken stock is about as Wiccan as cooking gets. Combine the dried skin of a marshy root with the charred bones of a winged creature with eons of lineage that survived hell on earth.

My wife gave me a Paul Hollywood handshake after sex. I called my family after to tell them I had won star baker that week.

LA is my kinda jam.