they're a liiittle bit competitive w each other bc of it but still get along bc they're friendly people and yqy likes anyone who can love and appreciate xiao jiu. Plus sj has two hands/three holes u know

*i* would like to read it

as a well-meaning "i know what's best for you" even though at heart i think it's actually intended as "nothing i've gained or achieved ever really meant anything or made me as happy as when you still trusted and loved me, i'd still walk into hell for you even if you hate me"

but shen jiu's "protect qi-ge" instinct comes across as more, like... "i'm making a conscious decision to repay you for your kindness to me, even though I know you don't love me back, because you still didn't have to do that and no-one else ever did. now our debts are squared" and yqy's comes across

then again, there is always something a little bit selfish about being self-sacrificing, and both yqy and sj are very self-sacrificing. i don't think they'd stop trying to save the other person at the expense of themselves if they DID know, because it's almost instinct to them to want to protect e/o

it's like. both sj and yqy are the type who would slash open their own throat to save the other without a second's hesitation but because of how deeply, awfully traumatised they both are and how they react to it in different ways, it doesn't even occur to them that the other person doesn't want that

shen jiu has absolutely every reason to be hurt, to lash out when yqy makes advances towards closeness again, and to withdraw and withhold from him, based on what he thinks he knows. but the real tragedy is that what he thinks he knows isn't accurate... you know?

if you haven't really thought about his background and personality and the reasons he may have for thinking he's doing what is best for sj, he Can seem kind of like sj's wishywashy, borderline abusive, gaslighting/DARVO-ing boyfriend. but i truly think he's just impacted by his own trauma

I think this would be nice too, and probably the best for him, but I'd like that to be an option he chooses for himself rather than because the sqq name/identity was taken from him... alas, that's not where the plot goes :'(

in my mind this au Does end with the extermination of luo bingge by yqy, but yqy exerts all his life force doing so and sy has to bodily hold sj back from throwing himself into the nearest deepest chasm when they find yqy's body. i'm not sure what happens after that... atticwifing for sj's own good?

excuses, which makes sy so confused bc sj is such a contradiction of a person... he's both guilty AND misunderstood, very prideful but also doesn't care at all what happens to him or what people think, quite self-serving but the only thing he seems to care about is the survival of yqy?

somehow, sy discovers through extended time with sj that several things he came to believe about him (the nyy & lqg things for example) were lies, and he wonders just how much more he was led to believe is false... sj fully and willingly admits to his abuse of lbh though, and doesn't offer any

including the cost to his own dignity and his own body, bc while sy is assisting him with his heats bc he doesn't want to watch this tortured prisoner suffer or die, sj is like "yeah yeah of course you'd say that, ok whatever partake of this thing between my legs as much as you need to"

sj was at the "just let me fucking die" stage but he decides after hearing yqy is looking for him to use sy's weird and uncharacteristic for a demon white knighting to keep himself alive long enough to persuade yqy to go back and forget all about him for good. he still wants yqy to live at any cost

means sy also has to help him through heats while they're holed up trying to hide from bingge's armies). yqy is also tearing the jianghu apart trying to find sj because he arrived at the water prison and the trap didn't even trigger: lbh was too busy looking for the demon who stole his favourite toy

au having been transmigrated into the body of a random artificer/healer in demon lord luo bingge's court who, against his own biases, decides "ok this is fucked up I HAVE to get him out of here no matter what he did" and rescues/kidnaps sj and goes into hiding with him (sj having a succubus pussy