Janel Comeau 🍁
@verybadllama.bsky.social
21K followers 380 following 1K posts
Writer, comedian, illustrator, blogger and international woman of mystery. Sworn enemy of the Swedish Yule Goat. Writer of jokes in The Beaverton and Cracked. 🇨🇦
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verybadllama.bsky.social
boiling the oceans so a robot can check and see that you like Green Day and then recommend you a Green Day album that does not exist
verybadllama.bsky.social
this is what my brain pictures when you tell me that you’re generating AI content
The Tubby Custard machine
verybadllama.bsky.social
writing a 2025 version of "We Didn't Start the Fire" that is just four minutes of indistinguishable frustrated yelling that ends with an evacuation alert for an actual wildfire
verybadllama.bsky.social
genuinely hard to believe that the lyrics “and I scream at the top of my lungs, what’s going on?” were written in 1993. What’s going on is that you can buy a house for $4 and a button, get on that.
Reposted by Janel Comeau 🍁
verybadllama.bsky.social
the thing about that “first they came for” poem is that we’re already at least 2-3 lines deep and it’s not a very long poem
verybadllama.bsky.social
every day I wake up and read a headline that sounds like something a concussed writer for The Simpsons would come up with while trying to make an intentionally stupid joke about George Orwell
verybadllama.bsky.social
when they said there'd be bread and circuses, they should have specified that the bread would cost 200% more than it did four years ago and the circuses are only available on your least favourite streaming network for $19.99/month
verybadllama.bsky.social
went down a research rabbithole because I was curious how viruses get their names, and I don't know what I was expecting "papillomavirus" to mean, but it was not "nipple tumour virus", I can tell you that much
verybadllama.bsky.social
no one:

some Disney exec in 1995: obviously children won’t understand the theme of architectural preservation in the original Hunchback of Notre Dame. so write a song about the corruption of religious power and sexual resentment disguised as piety. I’ll book the chamber choir.
verybadllama.bsky.social
are you filling up Howl’s Moving Castle
verybadllama.bsky.social
when I was a kid my mom would make me give my little brother a turn on Crash Bandicoot and I would have to sit there and watch him run off the map and waste all my extra lives and that's sort of how it feels to watch the news right now
verybadllama.bsky.social
daily Chinese news headline: Scientists grow the world’s first functional human spine replacement from a single drop of blood

daily American news headline: White House declares that sunburns are caused by bees
verybadllama.bsky.social
just saw a French-language ad for the existence of Philadelphia, just in case anyone was wondering how desperate American businesses are for Canadian tourists to come back
verybadllama.bsky.social
POV: you just ate a piece of cheese and your dog can smell it on your fingers
verybadllama.bsky.social
Release the Earhart list! (of probable locations where Amelia Earhart’s plane crashed in the Pacific after running out of fuel, I guess, because there’s actually very little mystery about what happened to her)
verybadllama.bsky.social
[standing in line to watch Green Day perform 45 minutes of musical criticism of the Bush administration] gosh I hope there are no politics at this rock festival
Reposted by Janel Comeau 🍁
shrekromancer.gay
everyone knows about the fight, flight, or freeze response, but fewer know about the 4th option (making the THX sound to ward off threats)
verybadllama.bsky.social
as you can see I am in no danger of being among the raptured
verybadllama.bsky.social
going outside to flash my tits at people mid-rapture tomorrow just to see if I can cause enough impure thoughts to send some of 'em crashing down
verybadllama.bsky.social
my definitely-on-the-spectrum dad flew under the diagnosis radar by working as a railroad dispatcher, the one job where you are actually expected to have an encyclopedic knowledge of train schedules
verybadllama.bsky.social
I have taken
the Tylenol
that was in
the medicine cabinet

and which
they think probably
is the reason
you like trains

forgive me
but that’s bullshit
you got autism
from your dad
verybadllama.bsky.social
will never understand how Canadians became known for saying “eh” when we should be known for our ability to make the phase “okay buddy” mean everything from “of course I will give my life for yours” to “I am the drunkest man alive and I am going to fight you in this parking lot”