As someone from the 90s the rock scene sucked. After alternative lit a match to glam’s hair every corporate label threw a worn out sweater on acts and pushed them as alternative stars

Most likely the olds pushing this are the same ones who think RATM were conservatives rebelling against Clinton

The shopkeeper asks why he does this, to which he replies he’s looking for an obituary.

Shopkeeper tells him the obituaries are at the back of the paper

Old man replies “Not the one I’m looking for”

This is an old Soviet tale that I’m posting for absolutely no reason

An old man walks up to a newsstand. He looks at the front page then puts it back. He does this every day with the same results, placing the paper back.

Onion was 20 years ahead of its time
theonion.com/bush-calls-o...

I liked back in the day if you were an elf on strike Santa could retaliate by taking you and 9 of your coworkers, line you up like bowling pins, then determines who has to go back to work by hitting you with a bowling ball. On the bright side you were allowed to taunt him while he’s lining up

Better go woke else you’ll soon be broke

I can write a couple of checks that equal 600, but you’ll need to hold each one for six months before it can be cashed. Also best to check in two weeks before cashing

Have you tried turning the Earth off and on again?

Next time run and have Alexa play the Benny Hill theme

Jackass and Ryan Dunn (RIP brother!) taught me a long time ago not to fight a woman, especially a fighter, unless you’re filming a hit movie

Then delete your account… and open a new one under a different alias

Either the edibles I took earlier are legit or my tastes are awful, because I’d absolutely murder that food and drink

Bet half the people who vote for the ban don’t wash their hands after using the restroom

I never paid attention to follower counts or how many posts get a like, unless one of my followers is my mother or grandma. Then I’m like WTF gran? Not good enough for you?!