Vlad the Impala
@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
🇺🇲🇬🇧 Nevadan idiot
I was vlad.the.impala on Threads
I'm married to @foofertheimpala
(i hide things in alt texts that no one reads)
I was vlad.the.impala on Threads
I'm married to @foofertheimpala
(i hide things in alt texts that no one reads)
Such a handsome fellow.
December 13, 2025 at 3:15 PM
Such a handsome fellow.
Licked by weirdo, poked by cat
Just a broken piece of tat
We don't care about your condition
You're part of our family's yule tradition
Just a broken piece of tat
We don't care about your condition
You're part of our family's yule tradition
December 13, 2025 at 3:11 PM
Licked by weirdo, poked by cat
Just a broken piece of tat
We don't care about your condition
You're part of our family's yule tradition
Just a broken piece of tat
We don't care about your condition
You're part of our family's yule tradition
December 12, 2025 at 11:10 AM
Nightmares, apparently
It's now 2:47
It's now 2:47
December 12, 2025 at 10:48 AM
Nightmares, apparently
It's now 2:47
It's now 2:47
As a host he's mysteriously lacking
As a busser he's clumsy as hell
As a manager, everyone's slacking
But he cleans up those dishes so well
2/2
As a busser he's clumsy as hell
As a manager, everyone's slacking
But he cleans up those dishes so well
2/2
December 12, 2025 at 1:09 AM
As a host he's mysteriously lacking
As a busser he's clumsy as hell
As a manager, everyone's slacking
But he cleans up those dishes so well
2/2
As a busser he's clumsy as hell
As a manager, everyone's slacking
But he cleans up those dishes so well
2/2
I started a poem called
Take me back to The Good Ol' Days™
But decided to stop because of Poe's law
Take me back to The Good Ol' Days™
But decided to stop because of Poe's law
December 11, 2025 at 4:18 PM
I started a poem called
Take me back to The Good Ol' Days™
But decided to stop because of Poe's law
Take me back to The Good Ol' Days™
But decided to stop because of Poe's law
December 11, 2025 at 2:43 PM
I think that it is illegal not to say "biiiig stretch" in these circumstances. In fact, you may be required to add an "Ooooh" to the start of that sentence, too.
December 11, 2025 at 1:48 PM
I think that it is illegal not to say "biiiig stretch" in these circumstances. In fact, you may be required to add an "Ooooh" to the start of that sentence, too.
That is a professional-level stretch.
December 11, 2025 at 1:45 PM
That is a professional-level stretch.
Cue the Elton John
a man with a beard and tie says it 's the circle of life !
Alt: Jason Mantzoukas from series 19
Taskmaster's favorite American Dream
He'd stolen our hearts, that incredible goof
But *they* wouldn't let him climb onto the roof
(But this is him saying "circle of life" from that cop show)
media.tenor.com
December 11, 2025 at 5:42 AM
Cue the Elton John
Nope, you're right first time, that's a massive cat!
December 10, 2025 at 11:17 PM
Nope, you're right first time, that's a massive cat!
I do not like this thing I see
I do not like you, sparkly tree
Your armored base is very clever
It will not keep you safe forever
Steve says you're dead - just like the curtain
I'd like to bite you and make certain
Just standing there offending me
I do not like you, sparkly tree
I do not like you, sparkly tree
Your armored base is very clever
It will not keep you safe forever
Steve says you're dead - just like the curtain
I'd like to bite you and make certain
Just standing there offending me
I do not like you, sparkly tree
December 10, 2025 at 11:15 PM
I do not like this thing I see
I do not like you, sparkly tree
Your armored base is very clever
It will not keep you safe forever
Steve says you're dead - just like the curtain
I'd like to bite you and make certain
Just standing there offending me
I do not like you, sparkly tree
I do not like you, sparkly tree
Your armored base is very clever
It will not keep you safe forever
Steve says you're dead - just like the curtain
I'd like to bite you and make certain
Just standing there offending me
I do not like you, sparkly tree