Nevertheless, I feel that the second poem’s ‘Surely, / Of the lingering chrysanthemums’ and the final ‘seems to’ is so unfamiliar that it makes me wonder what is going on with the sequencing there, so a single dipping in violet dye is superior and, I feel, all the sweeter!

Mototoshi states: ‘With violet / Shine these chrysanthemums’ sounds appropriately poetic, but saying ‘that…we might wear them in our hair’ followed by the final ‘has fallen’ is a sequencing that is, in great part, inharmonious and lacking in gentle beauty.

In the second poem, the assembled company have stated that ‘seems to’ is something that they have never heard before in their lives and given that they have said that this is what it sounds like, I make the Left the winner.

Toshiyori states: while the first poem is not remarkable, it does sound smooth. The concluding ‘has fallen’, though—would it be excessive to say that I feel it’s a bit grating?

Right

おのづから残れる菊をはつ霜は我が置けばとぞおもふべらなる

Surely,
Of the lingering chrysanthemums
The first frost,
‘Tis because I’ve fallen!’
Seems to think!

Lord Toshiyori
Naidaijin-ke uta'awase 26

Mototoshi states; the poems of Left and Right are about the same quality, but the Left’s poem lacks a conception of showers and is entirely a poem on scarlet leaves, so in the current context ‘oaks’ withered leaves’ is slightly superior.

It would certainly have been better to avoid using ‘withered leaves’. In addition, I wonder about saying ‘the sound of showers is severe’? I feel it would be better to use this when looking down on the stony valley gate from the high peak of Mount Arachi. The first poem is slightly superior.

Toshiyori states: the ‘oak grove’ poem, saying that plants fade and autumn leaves are dyed by things like dew and frost is as unremarkable as saying that one’s sweetheart’s skirt trails down. The ‘mountain retreat’ poem has ‘the oaks’ withered leaves’ and this is problematic.

Right (M – Win)

山里はならのから葉の散敷きてしぐれの音もはげしかりけり

My mountain retreat has
The oaks’ withered leaves
Scattered and spread around, so
The sound of showers is all
The more severe.

Lord Tamezane
Naidaijin-ke uta'awase 24

The poem of the Right has ‘Since the first shower / Came to call’ and I feel that this is how a poem on showers ought to be. Saying ‘Hill’s treetops’ / Hues fill my thoughts’ is a bit trite, but still charming, so this is superior, isn’t it.

Mototoshi states: what on earth is the poet doing saying his ‘night robe’ is ‘narrow’? In the Code of the Shijō Major Counsellor this is indicted to be a bad thing—‘a shallow poem with weighty words’!

The poem on the ‘first shower’ is not that remarkable, yet it does sound smooth. ‘Hues fill my thoughts’ feels conspicuously old-fashioned, and yet composing using ‘Mizuguki’ seem superior.

Toshiyori states: the poem on night robes has ‘Fall with care!’ – is this expressing regret over getting wet? In addition, there’s ‘I cover myself, yet’: it would have been preferable to have this element first.

Right (Both Judges – Win)

はつ時雨音信しより水ぐきの岡の梢の色をしぞ思ふ

Since the first shower
Came to call,
Mizuguki
Hill’s treetops’
Hues fill my thoughts…

Lord Tokimasa
Naidaijin-ke uta'awase 22

Would one really be startled by rain of varying intensity falling soundlessly in spring? As for the poem of the Right, while it does not display a playfulness which would please the eye, ‘In the distance circles / A first shower’ is a bit better in the current context.

Mototoshi states: one can compose about a shower falling anywhere and there’s no need to bring up a fisherman’s sedge-thatch hut, is there! Furthermore, one gets to know about a shower from the sound of it falling constantly on something like a roof of cedar boards, surely?

The poem here refers to the same peak, so it sounds as if it’s referring to monks going around. Is that what it’s about? I am not just finding fault for the sake of it—these poems are unclear. As there’s only so much that can be understood from hearing them, they should tie.

If he has not been leaked upon is this something he heard from someone else the following day? It really is very unclear. There’s a poem ‘Together with me / On my mountain pilgrimage’ which refers to showers falling on this mountain.

A shower is not something that one hears after getting up at dawn, yet this poem says that one first gets to know about it from the leaks, it seems that the poet has gone to bed, been leaked on, had his garments soaked and then got up and made a fuss.