Weird Melbs
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weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Weird Melbs
@weirdmelbs.bsky.social
3.7K followers 3K following 5.1K posts
Exploring the deeply weird bits of Melbourne (Naarm), one Facebook Marketplace ad at a time.

~ inveterate snob ~

My other account is: @clembyard.bsky.social (mostly haiku, especially Australian haiku)

Website: clembyard.com
Posts Replies Media Videos
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
I’m an associate producer for a hot new act called Velvet Vanilli

Please give us 1,000,000 streams on Spotify

OK

Thx
Two dudes who look a bit like Milli Vanilli standing on a beach at sunset
July 14, 2025 at 1:37 PM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
New dating profile pic

Hit me up if you’re (very hard) up for a date*

My DMs are open

* Disclaimer, photo is not actually of me, it is of some weird-arse dude who was selling a top hate on Facebook Marketplace
Dude with a top hat and a ridiculous moustache
June 21, 2025 at 10:21 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous
June 11, 2025 at 5:40 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous
June 11, 2025 at 5:40 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Chrissy Amphlett
Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous Chrissy Amphlett a still from the film clip for I’m Jealous
June 11, 2025 at 5:40 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Lobsters Ate My Face 🦞

Just like @leopardsatemyface.bsky.social but with tasty seafood ~

#LobstersVsLeopards
#LeopardsAteMyFace
#LobstersAteMyFace
A lobster suit for a dog A leopard statue with a broken tooth
May 18, 2025 at 1:40 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Folks, you know I love a shop mannequin

This one was made in Japan

$400 pick up from #Brighton

#Darling

No, I don’t live in #Gardenvale

I mean the map says I do, but the map is actually wrong

I live in #EastBrighton

I mean I don’t really care which suburb you live in

But I live in Brighton
A purple shop mannequin of a teenage boy
May 14, 2025 at 11:55 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
I’m the new fool in town
Humpty Hump from the Digital Underground
May 11, 2025 at 12:03 PM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Rule 1

Never

ever

stand behind one of these things

Pick up #Richmond
A shooting target poster – a life-sized baddie pointing a pistol printed on cardboard
April 30, 2025 at 12:48 PM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Where are they now ~
Sensual Alf
April 19, 2025 at 9:07 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
You know I can’t resist stuff that is sold as being “perfect for the man cave” . . .

. . . It’s
always completely and utterly hideous

Take this six foot tall inflatable Jim Beam bottle for instance . . .

Stay classy #Essendon, stay classy

#ManCave #SkipAmericanDrinks
Six foot tall inflatable Jim Beam bottle
April 13, 2025 at 9:14 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
I’ll just leave this here . . .

#WombatPoop
A commode painted bright green A commode painted bright green with a minecraft logo on it A commode painted bright green with a minecraft logo on it
April 10, 2025 at 9:34 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
That, my dear Murder, is a bonafide Sawfish (with built in letter opener), sometimes known as a Carpenter Shark, but according to Wikipedia actually a type of Ray 😬

🪚🦈
A sawfish which looks a bit like a shark with a long serrated nose
April 9, 2025 at 12:37 PM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Generously described as a “Shark Letterbox Vintage Folk Art”

$40

Pick up in #HamptonPark

#LetterboxBitesPostie
A letterbox decorated like a shark A letterbox decorated like a shark A letterbox decorated like a shark A letterbox decorated like a shark
April 9, 2025 at 10:17 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Black and white dog with a blue ear
April 8, 2025 at 11:19 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Barney

Wearing #woad

Fuck imperialists . . .
A black and white dog with blue dye on him
April 8, 2025 at 9:20 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Continuing my investigation into gardening ornaments in #Kensington

Today we have a cast iron dragon with a fabric #Easter Bunny head stuck in top of it ~
Cast iron dragon with a fabric Easter bunny’s head stuck in top Cast iron dragon with a fabric Easter bunny’s head stuck in top
April 7, 2025 at 10:14 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Spotted in someone’s front yard as I wandered aimlessly around the streets of #Kensington

#LookMaNoHands
A stuffed pale pink one piece with a motorbike helmet for a head, lying on a banana lounge
April 6, 2025 at 9:11 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
If you’re in #Wodonga have we got a deal for you

Thx to @asherwolf.bsky.social for the tip . . .!
An old lounge chair lying in its side
April 5, 2025 at 8:57 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Yo . . .!

Anybody partying in the inner western suburbs of #Naarm tonight?

‘cause #ILikeMyOatmealLumpy
Humpy from the Digital Underground rap group, he’s wearing a white bearskin hat and a Groucho Marx mask
April 4, 2025 at 8:22 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
This object is described as “a beautiful ornament brought from Taiwan over 30 years ago” 😒😳🫨

$35 bucks

Pick up in #Vermont
An ornament with a bulb and a long stem
April 3, 2025 at 8:06 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
In the name of the father, the son, and the holy . . . ballerina

😒

These items cost $280 and you can pick them up in #StAlbans
Religious plaster statues in front of a picture of a ballerina
April 2, 2025 at 9:33 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Here’s the other Kryal Castle prop I posted some time last year

(Do you think the fetishists would like this too?)
Puppet of a bearded king with a purple silver face
April 1, 2025 at 9:05 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
Medieval time-line cleanse

#Maribynong

Price: 150 gold florins

#StockUp #DontPilloryMe
#StockingFillers
A medieval stock
April 1, 2025 at 7:49 AM
weirdmelbs.bsky.social
What am I bid for these prime pieces of Australian kitsch?

Do I hear $250 . . .?

Pick up from #Werribee

#koala #kangaroo #joey #GardenOrnaments #Australiana #concrete #kitschiness
Concrete koala and kangaroo garden ornaments Concrete koala garden ornament Concrete kangaroo garden ornament
March 31, 2025 at 7:55 AM