Thought of it at 2 am and wrote it down. He’d wake up, look in the mirror, and repeat it to make sure he wouldn’t stutter. He’d go to say it during every confrontation he had, but always got cut off.

He finally drops it, it’s on video, and the entire world laughs at him for how fucking lame it is.

I know we’ve grown pretty anti-bullying over here in polite society, but man, these fucking people desperately need to be shoved into lockers.

Boss: Was that you blocking the car of that guy trying to kidnap that child in broad daylight?

“Yes.”

Boss: Awesome. Hell yeah.

Getting caked with piss and your best comeback is “so much for the tolerant left 🥴.” Absolutely incredible stuff, they’ve really got the best and brightest over there at Goose Stepper HQ.

Omitting Bring Her Back here is immediately disqualifying.

“Well, we could bike there?”

“Eeeehhh… it’s like two miles, I had a pretty big lunch…”

“What about an Uber?”

“They took their cars too.”

“Lyft?”

“… I think we should probably just hang out here.”

The conservative brain is so interesting, man. Like, yeah, dog shit fascistic religious dogma aside, you’re also just barely literate?

You’re not inviting Honey Badger to your parties?

I don’t know if this is normal but I started to bleed profusely from all of the orifices in my face after the first five seconds. Should I go see a doctorhsozocfjrheosododenebej—

Do they not know the block button actually works here? Lmao

Hey, just letting you know that being a snarky little prick is always a conscious choice that you choose not to make. You don’t have to be this obnoxious, and people would probably like you a whole lot more if you weren’t!

Hope this helps! ♥️

You can say that makes me an example of someone who “can’t take the heat of a right-dominated space,” but, like… yeah? I don’t want to be in right-dominated spaces?

I don’t need to, or want to, stomach nazi shit on a social media platform, lmfao. I’m not a masochist. Where’s the upside?

You’re not entirely wrong, but at the same time, reading shit posted by centrist libs makes me roll my eyes, but shit posted by actual nazis makes me want to roll my car into a ravine. I’ll take this place over Musk’s dumping ground any day. It’s just straight up better for my mental wellbeing.

Come on, John.

Everyone remembers the thrill of shouting “Cortana, what’s that” at their Kinect every time they killed a Grunt in CE:A so the game would grind to a halt and you could read a text log explaining the intricacies of the thing you just shot in the face for the 800th time that level.

I still watch some classic SpongeBob from time to time because it was funny to me as a kid and some of it is still funny to me now. It’s also a show for seven year olds. Somehow I still sleep at night.

Look man, watch what you enjoy, that’s fine, but the need to try and convince people that the kids show you enjoy is secretly made for adults actually is just… I mean, come on.

Throw in an insulin pen and I feel like that’s exactly the loot that would drop from you if you were killed in a battle royale.