Wishing you a happy 2026 of petting yourself at every opportunity.

The first edition bestiary had a suggested Frost Giant plot hook where the party plays warring clans of giants against each other to keep them from destroying a human-scale village in the battle. The author called it “Yojumbo,” which is a masterful pun if I do say so.

Ooof. At least it didn’t happen on the highway. Glad you’re safe.

Gotta remind all the biggos out there to lift from the frame and support the suspension when they’re snatching up cars.

Choose scrubbing incessantly at a patina of filth and skin oils, wondering why you couldn’t have picked beige or gray or any of a hundred other more forgiving colors— *Iggy Pop intensifies.*

Ewan McGregor voice: Choose white. Choose seeing every single scuff and smudge on your walls against the brightest backdrop possible. Choose a palimpsest of dingy fingerprints around your light switches and outlets that makes you contemplate the last time you washed your hands.

Who couldn’t use a full bath with three sinks next to another full bath with only a single sink, and a coat bath, and a—*checks notes*—Master Roksn…

Medieval archer Roy Scheider slowly backing into frame: “You’re gonna need a bigger bow.”

Gotta give your ancient texts that extra burst of umami flavor.

As a current resident, I endorse the above statement.

Trust me; you really don’t.

There is a moment at every Long Island party I’ve been to where someone in attendance plays the piano when they will start playing Piano Man and everyone will stop what they’re doing to sing along. It’s the obligatory Billy Joel interlude.

I started getting back into Aesop Rock a bit after a hiatus. “None Shall Pass” is a real banger, and I also enjoy his lyrical retelling of the crimes and death of Ricky Kasso, the “Say You Love Satan” killer, in “Acid King” (with Malibu Ken).