I'll try sleeping soon, might as well try to correct my schedule 🤷🏻‍♂️

that makes a lot of sense actually XD

I love joking about it online cuz I feel like no one expects ppl to be bald unless explicitly stated lol

Not really, I still enjoy engaging with my special interests 🤔

I get the question, though!

I think it's just that arf¡d has carved a bigger hole over time. I rarely enjoy e4ting, even when I'm in recovery so it becomes a difficult choice to e4t bc my experience of it trends negative

it's nice to have the option regardless imo. like if you start feeling really ill from the fast you have a quick and easy way out. that's the type of thing that makes me feel safer and gives me the willpower to go on. think of it as a safety net, it's there if you need it 🤷🏻‍♂️

good morning!

I don't have big dilemmas where I need to we¡gh the pros and cons of breaking, i just don't e4t by default and nothing feels particularly tempting at all. I thought being this way would make me overjoyed but I just feel empty

idk. it's weird. i remember fantasising about what discipline it would take to st4rve as I do now. I used to worship the idea of being empty and think it would take such courage and purity. but it's just quiet disinterest

I used to find any excuse under the sun to treat myself and succumb to sugar cravings and I was always teetering on the edge of b¡nging. these days I only treat myself tactically, I do it cuz I know I'll have trouble finishing my serving and I'll feel so disgusted that i won't e4t for a while after

one thing has made it easier though ; im really fucking disxrdered now. I used to count down the hours til next me4l and scrounge up any little bit of foxd I could allow myself. but now I'm so disinterested and repulsed by foxd that I only e4t for my body to feel better

it's been a while tbh. like every subsequent rel4pse after I initially began restr¡cting made it harder and harder to fast. especially as I grew and aged. I used to think it wouldn't make a difference but it's not the same f4sting at 15 compared to 23

like if you're f4sting for a couple of days, your end we¡ght won't hold and will go up as soon as you e4t anything because you're rehydrating so it's just water but it still feels shit :/

depends on your cbmi tbh. like maybe if you're above the "normal" range but below a certain point you wouldn't be able to. most likely you'd see the number go down but it'd be water we¡ght and you'd put it back on as soon as you'd stop wtv crash d¡et. even below maintenance you'd gain back some

I wonder how it'll feel when I wake up. I'm still rawdogging this cuz I'm too poor to buy multiv¡tamins right now so I'm not putting myself under too much pressure but maybe I need to expect to go longer for it to be possible. like maybe it's just a ✨mindset✨ thing

I know for a fact she'll just say "oh no, Mr. Adam, you shouldn't be doing this 😔" in her shrewd little voice but I can always hope she'll go "woaw, you might just be the sickest man ever and I guess no one should ever doubt that you're struggling and you actually are trying your best in every way!"

maybe I can convince myself that my psychiatrist will notice it if I fast for like 48h and then maybe she'll give me the validation I crave???