zapp scream at he own ass
@zappshout.bsky.social
vent account of @zappshot.space
expect screaming
expect screaming
Pinned
It should go without saying, but if you find this account without being given explicit permission to view it:
Be respectful and leave.
This is not for you and if I find you mentioning the things you see on here elsewhere, it will not be a fun time.
Be respectful and leave.
This is not for you and if I find you mentioning the things you see on here elsewhere, it will not be a fun time.
this is the worst sickness depression i've ever had
i don't want to be here
i don't want to be here
February 8, 2026 at 11:48 PM
this is the worst sickness depression i've ever had
i don't want to be here
i don't want to be here
my mom's off at a medical conference, my grandpa's not doing well so my dad's with him while he's in the hospital so that leaves me to be transport for my brother for work despite being under doctor's orders to not drive and the roads are horrible
February 5, 2026 at 5:55 PM
my mom's off at a medical conference, my grandpa's not doing well so my dad's with him while he's in the hospital so that leaves me to be transport for my brother for work despite being under doctor's orders to not drive and the roads are horrible
i need this sickness to go away
i'm tired of feeling like shit mentally, physically, emotionally and having all of that compounded by my other disabilities and all the other shit in the world
i'm tired of feeling like shit mentally, physically, emotionally and having all of that compounded by my other disabilities and all the other shit in the world
February 1, 2026 at 7:45 AM
i need this sickness to go away
i'm tired of feeling like shit mentally, physically, emotionally and having all of that compounded by my other disabilities and all the other shit in the world
i'm tired of feeling like shit mentally, physically, emotionally and having all of that compounded by my other disabilities and all the other shit in the world
a lot of not good thoughts tonight
lots of trauma, lots of inadequacy, lots of fear
i just feel hard to love
lots of trauma, lots of inadequacy, lots of fear
i just feel hard to love
January 25, 2026 at 8:24 AM
a lot of not good thoughts tonight
lots of trauma, lots of inadequacy, lots of fear
i just feel hard to love
lots of trauma, lots of inadequacy, lots of fear
i just feel hard to love
i wish my body just fucking worked
January 19, 2026 at 12:21 PM
i wish my body just fucking worked
trying so hard to distract myself from spiraling and my dad pulls me aside and tells me that my grandpa's started coughing up blood
what do I even do anymore everything's fucking falling apart
what do I even do anymore everything's fucking falling apart
January 5, 2026 at 2:27 AM
trying so hard to distract myself from spiraling and my dad pulls me aside and tells me that my grandpa's started coughing up blood
what do I even do anymore everything's fucking falling apart
what do I even do anymore everything's fucking falling apart
I had hopes this year would be different, that I'd feel good about things for once
Maybe I was naive, maybe the shit end of the stick is longer than I thought
But I feel like 2025 might have only been the start, and I am having a horrible, horrible time going into the new year
Maybe I was naive, maybe the shit end of the stick is longer than I thought
But I feel like 2025 might have only been the start, and I am having a horrible, horrible time going into the new year
January 4, 2026 at 11:34 PM
I had hopes this year would be different, that I'd feel good about things for once
Maybe I was naive, maybe the shit end of the stick is longer than I thought
But I feel like 2025 might have only been the start, and I am having a horrible, horrible time going into the new year
Maybe I was naive, maybe the shit end of the stick is longer than I thought
But I feel like 2025 might have only been the start, and I am having a horrible, horrible time going into the new year
I love having no independence to do errands on my own after my seizure
oh? a place closes until next week because of the holidays at noon? let's go five other fucking places, surely we'll make it there on time and not miss things I need to do
oh? a place closes until next week because of the holidays at noon? let's go five other fucking places, surely we'll make it there on time and not miss things I need to do
December 24, 2025 at 4:51 PM
I love having no independence to do errands on my own after my seizure
oh? a place closes until next week because of the holidays at noon? let's go five other fucking places, surely we'll make it there on time and not miss things I need to do
oh? a place closes until next week because of the holidays at noon? let's go five other fucking places, surely we'll make it there on time and not miss things I need to do
guess i'm spending the back half of next week being stressed and several hours away from home
i'm so tired of not being listened to or communicated with for the most stressful time of the year especially now that I don't know if my medical stuff is stress induced
i'm so tired of not being listened to or communicated with for the most stressful time of the year especially now that I don't know if my medical stuff is stress induced
December 20, 2025 at 3:49 AM
guess i'm spending the back half of next week being stressed and several hours away from home
i'm so tired of not being listened to or communicated with for the most stressful time of the year especially now that I don't know if my medical stuff is stress induced
i'm so tired of not being listened to or communicated with for the most stressful time of the year especially now that I don't know if my medical stuff is stress induced
for one fucking year can my parents actually get plans for holiday shit figured out more than a few days in advance and not try and guilt trip me about not wanting/being able to go on such short notice
this year especially when i've been through so much testing and haven't had a chance to rest
this year especially when i've been through so much testing and haven't had a chance to rest
December 19, 2025 at 10:47 PM
for one fucking year can my parents actually get plans for holiday shit figured out more than a few days in advance and not try and guilt trip me about not wanting/being able to go on such short notice
this year especially when i've been through so much testing and haven't had a chance to rest
this year especially when i've been through so much testing and haven't had a chance to rest
they moved my big appointment up to tomorrow and i'm in a massive panic state
December 17, 2025 at 2:24 AM
they moved my big appointment up to tomorrow and i'm in a massive panic state
i can't sleep without having some form of nightmare about the upcoming appointment and my condition
i need hugs and comfort really bad right now...
i need hugs and comfort really bad right now...
December 8, 2025 at 8:37 AM
i can't sleep without having some form of nightmare about the upcoming appointment and my condition
i need hugs and comfort really bad right now...
i need hugs and comfort really bad right now...
having a horrid day after waking up from a nightmare where i died on christmas from whatever caused my seizure and i had to watch my friends and family grieve in real time
spent most of my morning crying and now i feel like a depressed husk of a person
spent most of my morning crying and now i feel like a depressed husk of a person
December 3, 2025 at 10:04 PM
having a horrid day after waking up from a nightmare where i died on christmas from whatever caused my seizure and i had to watch my friends and family grieve in real time
spent most of my morning crying and now i feel like a depressed husk of a person
spent most of my morning crying and now i feel like a depressed husk of a person
last month of the year and it's going to be rough
i can't do shit when all of my money is going to medical bills and i'm going to feel horrible because i can't exactly do anything for christmas nor for the people who have birthdays this time of year because of this
i can't do shit when all of my money is going to medical bills and i'm going to feel horrible because i can't exactly do anything for christmas nor for the people who have birthdays this time of year because of this
December 1, 2025 at 7:12 AM
last month of the year and it's going to be rough
i can't do shit when all of my money is going to medical bills and i'm going to feel horrible because i can't exactly do anything for christmas nor for the people who have birthdays this time of year because of this
i can't do shit when all of my money is going to medical bills and i'm going to feel horrible because i can't exactly do anything for christmas nor for the people who have birthdays this time of year because of this
There's too many thoughts in my head.
I want them to leave me alone.
I want the universe to leave me alone.
I'm not built to handle this, I'm sorry.
I want them to leave me alone.
I want the universe to leave me alone.
I'm not built to handle this, I'm sorry.
November 29, 2025 at 5:40 AM
There's too many thoughts in my head.
I want them to leave me alone.
I want the universe to leave me alone.
I'm not built to handle this, I'm sorry.
I want them to leave me alone.
I want the universe to leave me alone.
I'm not built to handle this, I'm sorry.
i'm tired of crying until the sun comes up
November 26, 2025 at 7:57 AM
i'm tired of crying until the sun comes up
I'm so tired of this year
November 26, 2025 at 3:37 AM
I'm so tired of this year
i'm sure every single therapist on the planet would have something to say about me turning showers into a form of self-harm by mass-activating my skin writing so my brain stops thinking a bit
it didn't work as much as i wanted to today
it didn't work as much as i wanted to today
November 21, 2025 at 6:47 PM
i'm sure every single therapist on the planet would have something to say about me turning showers into a form of self-harm by mass-activating my skin writing so my brain stops thinking a bit
it didn't work as much as i wanted to today
it didn't work as much as i wanted to today
the worst thing about my current situation is that i can't do anything that i want to do
projects i wanted to get done are on hold because i can't guarantee i can pay for them now, i can't travel anywhere, i can't even treat myself to lunch or something to lessen the blow
projects i wanted to get done are on hold because i can't guarantee i can pay for them now, i can't travel anywhere, i can't even treat myself to lunch or something to lessen the blow
November 14, 2025 at 6:13 PM
the worst thing about my current situation is that i can't do anything that i want to do
projects i wanted to get done are on hold because i can't guarantee i can pay for them now, i can't travel anywhere, i can't even treat myself to lunch or something to lessen the blow
projects i wanted to get done are on hold because i can't guarantee i can pay for them now, i can't travel anywhere, i can't even treat myself to lunch or something to lessen the blow
the next few weeks will determine if I can continue being me online
streaming, moderation, even just existing in online spaces
all of it is at risk of vanishing entirely and I'm so fucking scared
I don't want to lose any of it
streaming, moderation, even just existing in online spaces
all of it is at risk of vanishing entirely and I'm so fucking scared
I don't want to lose any of it
November 13, 2025 at 7:47 AM
the next few weeks will determine if I can continue being me online
streaming, moderation, even just existing in online spaces
all of it is at risk of vanishing entirely and I'm so fucking scared
I don't want to lose any of it
streaming, moderation, even just existing in online spaces
all of it is at risk of vanishing entirely and I'm so fucking scared
I don't want to lose any of it
everything's slowly being denied
I can't do this
I can't do this
November 13, 2025 at 4:53 AM
everything's slowly being denied
I can't do this
I can't do this
I can't exist like this today
I'm taking my tranqs
I'm taking my tranqs
November 12, 2025 at 7:03 PM
I can't exist like this today
I'm taking my tranqs
I'm taking my tranqs
all of my hospital insurance claims are in and being reviewed and i'm having a horrible time
i shouldn't have looked at them
i shouldn't have looked at them
November 10, 2025 at 7:22 AM
all of my hospital insurance claims are in and being reviewed and i'm having a horrible time
i shouldn't have looked at them
i shouldn't have looked at them
fuck the assholes that tried to use my credit card multiple times to buy over $2k in medical supplies while i was streaming
i'm having a horrid panic attack now and i feel like shit
i'm having a horrid panic attack now and i feel like shit
November 7, 2025 at 4:37 AM
fuck the assholes that tried to use my credit card multiple times to buy over $2k in medical supplies while i was streaming
i'm having a horrid panic attack now and i feel like shit
i'm having a horrid panic attack now and i feel like shit
not a fan of this seizure making me lose my autonomy (driving ability) for 6 months
makes me feel useless and very not good
makes me feel useless and very not good
November 5, 2025 at 4:41 PM
not a fan of this seizure making me lose my autonomy (driving ability) for 6 months
makes me feel useless and very not good
makes me feel useless and very not good