Author | Lightnews

Secretions @secretions.bsky.social · 19h

I'd like to present my idea for the new White House

Reposted by Secretions

Brian Klaas @brianklaas.bsky.social · 1d

One of the better photographs depicting modernity, I'd say:

75 120 630

Secretions @secretions.bsky.social · 1d

I'd heard whole towns were evacuated to hundreds of miles away because they were so remote, and that the damage was pretty devastating, but this is the first I'd heard that it was actually a hurricane/typhoon/cyclone/whatever and not just a flood of some sort.

1 16

Reposted by Secretions

🎃scarecrowcialism👻 @swolecialism.bsky.social · 2d

i know writers who use subtext and they're all cowards

2 110 450

Secretions @secretions.bsky.social · 3d

Our album "Fart Apnea" is forthcoming.

Secretions @secretions.bsky.social · 3d

I've finally found a band name without precedent.

Google search for "anal cpap", which has basically no results.

1

Reposted by Secretions

John Ismay @johnismay.bsky.social · 3d

An artillery shell fired during 250th anniversary celebration of the Marine Corps at Camp Pendleton on Saturday detonated prematurely over Interstate 5, damaging a California Highway Patrol vehicle on JD Vance's security detail www.nytimes.com/2025/10/19/u...

Artillery Shell Detonated Over Interstate 5 During Marines’ Celebration, California Officials Say

www.nytimes.com

480 1.6K 4.7K

Secretions @secretions.bsky.social · 4d

Proud of portland for spreading inflation world wide

a pixel art drawing of a person with a red arrow pointing to the right

ALT: a pixel art drawing of a person with a red arrow pointing to the right

media.tenor.com

Secretions @secretions.bsky.social · 6d

I know it was an onion article, but I think it's finally Apple's time to do the Macbook Wheel for real.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BnL...

1

Secretions @secretions.bsky.social · 6d

> "Our parents aren't having children."

Yeah, they probably learned their lesson.

Reposted by Secretions

AltSpaceForce 🚀🇺🇲 @altspaceforce.altgov.info · 9d

Knowing that this guy is hunting around in the ocean depths looking like a fed during a shutdown warms my chilled heart.
His name is Jeff.

This is a telescope fish. They are unique in aquatic creatures for their binocular vision, translucent skin, and ability to self reproduce.
I think his name is Jeff.

16 12 150

Reposted by Secretions

👁🌻🦊⚙️⚓ Bob, Engineer, Pusher of Paper @navmecheng.bsky.social · 11d

> It is 2025 BC. I am a soldier from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis

> It is 2025 AD. I am a soldier from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis

Soldiers at the Bass Pro Shops pyramid in Memphis, TN.

72 3.5K 12K

Reposted by Secretions

Richard K @rkemb.bsky.social · 11d

He doesn't know how to use the shells

David Roberts @volts.wtf · 11d

All right, y'all, help me out. This is a bidet, right? (It's in my airbnb.) So, the idea is, you poop in the toilet and then...crab walk a few feet to your left, with your pants down? And stick your butt down in this thing? There's no seat, as such, so you're just...hovering your butt down into it?

1 1 7

Secretions @secretions.bsky.social · 12d

Also, very appropriate recommendation here.

Secretions @secretions.bsky.social · 12d

I ran into some slop channel that steals @kylekulinskishow.bsky.social videos and overlays just his face over totally random and unrelated stock footage. Don't support this of course, but the result is weirdly hilarious.

1

Secretions @secretions.bsky.social · 14d

Same. :(

Secretions @secretions.bsky.social · 14d

Escape from Portland where Snake Plissken grants his captors plenary authority to kiss his ass while resisting arrest before being sent on a mission to the city to save a podcaster's daughter. They drop him off in the parking lot where Wilsonville Fry's used to be—as far as the military dares to go.