Smallplates
smallplates.bsky.social
Smallplates
@smallplates.bsky.social
440 followers 180 following 210 posts
New here. Satire. Everyone’s cousin on TikTok & IG https://linktr.ee/smallplates
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When Chuck Schumer says he’s been talking to Mamdani, this is what he means:
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NYC, tomorrow you have the chance to show the world that the future we’re building in America is not one led by the corrupted, sex pest politicians of the past like Andrew Cuomo—but rather a future determined by us, one that represents all of us, a multi-racial democracy of, by, and for the people.
SecDef tries so hard, but his statements always read like call of duty mobile ads.
Actually, all U.S. forces were harmed in this strike.
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Cuomo the type of guy that thinks drake won the feud.
she got more bracelets than Johnny Depp now. they def hooking up.
Yeah, they big fuckin.
remaining this guy nazi Liberace
Meanwhile on TruthSocial...

Trump publishes 20 photos of refurbished Lincoln bathroom at the White House
interior design updates while 40 million Americans lose SNAP going into the holidays…bold move cotton, let’s see how it plays out.
sure, you might not be able to eat or go to the doctor, but check out how nice Trump's new marble shitter is
maybe, instead of paying consultants to write a book report about why dems suck, dems could DO some events that benefit the community & voters won’t think they suck?
Happy Halloween!!

Come join my campaign Halloween bash in the back lot of 7016 N Clark Street!

We’ve got blood donation, bone marrow donor registration, candy, Chicago dogs, and ICE whistles! Come hang from 12-6!
Corp. Dems: “how do we fix our brand?”
Zohran: I got this.
Corp. Dems: “you’re ruining brand!”
(actively fail to sabotage popular candidates)
Corp Dems: Did we get rizz? Check the aura focus group!
Post gonna say “Mamdani uses socialist weather machine to flood New York bc Gates said climate totally fine.” Page 9: Sliwa gets his pachouli from a witch he saved in a house fire in 1979
In New York City, flash floods inundated the subway and sent cars floating down city streets. nyti.ms/3Li90ko
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Today's winner of the "Please STFU" Award is Kat Abughazaleh.

She was right to hang up! Don't talk about the facts of your federal indictment on a podcast! Or anywhere except your lawyer's office!

Sincerely,

Every Lawyer, Literally All Of Us, Heed Our Counsel And Shut The Fuck Up
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We the People want to more politicians who will stand up against Trump and his fascist goons, not bow to corporate power.

Folks like @katmabu.bsky.social @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social & @abdulelsayed.bsky.social who are willing to stand up for our rights and fight for a future for all peope
Big announcement from DHS on indicting peaceful protesters
Ken Paxton would sue oxygen if it distracted from the humiliating details of his divorce.
Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is suing the maker of Tylenol.

The lawsuit comes as the Trump administration has promoted unproven claims linking Tylenol use to autism.
Texas AG Ken Paxton sues Tylenol manufacturer amid Trump’s pressure campaign
The lawsuit comes as the Trump administration has promoted unproven claims linking Tylenol use to autism.
www.politico.com
Yes, they did. you getting lapped by Trisha Paytas’ Substack bc of ass kissing like this. Take the boot out of your mouth & start reporting something.
A viral clip of press secretary Karoline Leavitt describing the ballroom as Trump's "main priority" has been taken out of context.
Fact Check: Did White House Say Trump Ballroom Is ‘Main Priority’?
www.newsweek.com
“Straight up punk” is southwest side business casual for “fucking jagoff”
"Donald Trump is a straight-up punk":
Chicago Federation of Labor President
Bob Reiter says Trump "built his entire fortune on the backs of immigrant workers."
Pete Hegseth prolly sent the answer to them on signal
After 35 years, the secretive CIA sculpture finally gave up its mystery, thanks to a novelist, a playwright, and some misplaced documents. But the chase to decode continues.
Inside the Messy, Accidental Kryptos Reveal
After 35 years, the secretive CIA sculpture finally gave up its mystery, thanks to a novelist, a playwright, and some misplaced documents. But the chase to decode continues.
wrd.cm
Cuomo always looking like a divorced dad talking to his ex-wife’s new husband while the kids to pack for his weekend
We're still dealing with the consequences of Andrew Cuomo's "experience."
And target. ICE been staging in target parking lots in CHI
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Just spitballing, but I'm starting to think they're going to need to give these junior-varsity morons more than two days of training and a $50,000 signing bonus.
"US Marshal shot during immigration enforcement in LA"

* article explains he was shot by an ICE officer whose weapon discharged when he used it to smash a car window
US Marshal shot during immigration enforcement operation in LA, reports say
A U.S. Marshal was shot while assisting an immigration enforcement operation, according to several reports.
www.kktv.com
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Hundreds of people protesting ICE in downtown manhattan right now. Reads and Broadway. NYPD cops in riot gear on scene.