Ash's Thoughts 📘
@ashanashdiary.bsky.social
What the mind of a broken-hearted person looks like.
Posts Will Contain: Violence, Satan, Mental Health, Disorders, Depression, Self-hatred, & more. You HAVE, been warned.
Posts Will Contain: Violence, Satan, Mental Health, Disorders, Depression, Self-hatred, & more. You HAVE, been warned.
Matt Harris made it clear that he didn't want this to happen. But yet this happened anyways. It feels disrespectful & it makes it worse when i know who did it is close to me..
Young of age or not, going behind someone's back & doing this is wrong. Ik i'd be pissed if it was me.
I fr hate it here..
Young of age or not, going behind someone's back & doing this is wrong. Ik i'd be pissed if it was me.
I fr hate it here..
September 21, 2024 at 5:19 AM
Matt Harris made it clear that he didn't want this to happen. But yet this happened anyways. It feels disrespectful & it makes it worse when i know who did it is close to me..
Young of age or not, going behind someone's back & doing this is wrong. Ik i'd be pissed if it was me.
I fr hate it here..
Young of age or not, going behind someone's back & doing this is wrong. Ik i'd be pissed if it was me.
I fr hate it here..
My heart is hurting so much- i feel sick-
& Asmr isn't helping me calm down..
I feel like crying.. I feel like a jacka-- .. i feel terrible.. i want to have a breakdown..
I want to disappear again.. i'm hurt.. i'm on the verge of leaving again.. the feeling is strong again..
I don't deserve ppl.
& Asmr isn't helping me calm down..
I feel like crying.. I feel like a jacka-- .. i feel terrible.. i want to have a breakdown..
I want to disappear again.. i'm hurt.. i'm on the verge of leaving again.. the feeling is strong again..
I don't deserve ppl.
September 18, 2024 at 9:42 PM
My heart is hurting so much- i feel sick-
& Asmr isn't helping me calm down..
I feel like crying.. I feel like a jacka-- .. i feel terrible.. i want to have a breakdown..
I want to disappear again.. i'm hurt.. i'm on the verge of leaving again.. the feeling is strong again..
I don't deserve ppl.
& Asmr isn't helping me calm down..
I feel like crying.. I feel like a jacka-- .. i feel terrible.. i want to have a breakdown..
I want to disappear again.. i'm hurt.. i'm on the verge of leaving again.. the feeling is strong again..
I don't deserve ppl.
Not my brother coming into my room to throw 2 boxes of Kleenex's on my bed (one of them nearly hitting me) while being creepy about it-
I hope to GOD he never does that again. Stay TF AWAY from MY ROOM YOU CREEPY TWIT-
That actually scared me & now i'm super uncomfortable.. i want him gone soon..
I hope to GOD he never does that again. Stay TF AWAY from MY ROOM YOU CREEPY TWIT-
That actually scared me & now i'm super uncomfortable.. i want him gone soon..
September 18, 2024 at 8:00 PM
Not my brother coming into my room to throw 2 boxes of Kleenex's on my bed (one of them nearly hitting me) while being creepy about it-
I hope to GOD he never does that again. Stay TF AWAY from MY ROOM YOU CREEPY TWIT-
That actually scared me & now i'm super uncomfortable.. i want him gone soon..
I hope to GOD he never does that again. Stay TF AWAY from MY ROOM YOU CREEPY TWIT-
That actually scared me & now i'm super uncomfortable.. i want him gone soon..
Sorry, here, here's a better idea on what types of games i like/am interested in (ignore some of the horror ones since those i liked bc i played with friends years ago on their streams)
Final pic in comments. I hope this was more helpful, sorry :(
Final pic in comments. I hope this was more helpful, sorry :(
September 18, 2024 at 5:39 PM
Sorry, here, here's a better idea on what types of games i like/am interested in (ignore some of the horror ones since those i liked bc i played with friends years ago on their streams)
Final pic in comments. I hope this was more helpful, sorry :(
Final pic in comments. I hope this was more helpful, sorry :(
"You're a picky b-ch you know that?"
I have certain interests, how does that make me picky? Why do you have to sound like me parents?
"Picky picky picky."
I'm not picky..! I just have certain tastes. We all do, it's normal. So stop sounding like them..
"You picky picky girl."
... but i'm not..
I have certain interests, how does that make me picky? Why do you have to sound like me parents?
"Picky picky picky."
I'm not picky..! I just have certain tastes. We all do, it's normal. So stop sounding like them..
"You picky picky girl."
... but i'm not..
September 18, 2024 at 5:18 PM
"You're a picky b-ch you know that?"
I have certain interests, how does that make me picky? Why do you have to sound like me parents?
"Picky picky picky."
I'm not picky..! I just have certain tastes. We all do, it's normal. So stop sounding like them..
"You picky picky girl."
... but i'm not..
I have certain interests, how does that make me picky? Why do you have to sound like me parents?
"Picky picky picky."
I'm not picky..! I just have certain tastes. We all do, it's normal. So stop sounding like them..
"You picky picky girl."
... but i'm not..
Voided mind again.. not easy to fix. But i'll try. I'll try some things.
I doubt ASMR is going to cure it this time. It's a rare lucky chance. Like winning the lottery..
I doubt ASMR is going to cure it this time. It's a rare lucky chance. Like winning the lottery..
September 18, 2024 at 4:33 PM
Voided mind again.. not easy to fix. But i'll try. I'll try some things.
I doubt ASMR is going to cure it this time. It's a rare lucky chance. Like winning the lottery..
I doubt ASMR is going to cure it this time. It's a rare lucky chance. Like winning the lottery..
Are they cursing towards me? Because if so, wtf did i do??
"Don't post that reply, you'll be seen as sensitive again."
... but it's bothering me & making me uncomfortable..
"You're being sensitive again. Remember that convo with your friend about it? Take the hint & shut up."
... fine.
"Don't post that reply, you'll be seen as sensitive again."
... but it's bothering me & making me uncomfortable..
"You're being sensitive again. Remember that convo with your friend about it? Take the hint & shut up."
... fine.
September 18, 2024 at 4:04 PM
Are they cursing towards me? Because if so, wtf did i do??
"Don't post that reply, you'll be seen as sensitive again."
... but it's bothering me & making me uncomfortable..
"You're being sensitive again. Remember that convo with your friend about it? Take the hint & shut up."
... fine.
"Don't post that reply, you'll be seen as sensitive again."
... but it's bothering me & making me uncomfortable..
"You're being sensitive again. Remember that convo with your friend about it? Take the hint & shut up."
... fine.
If anyone has game suggestions that involves with pets, living life (ex: animal crossing), stocking/organization, or just any chill relaxing games that i could play on my Win7 would be appreciated. Because a friend of mine i asking ppl on Twitter/X. But i want to give a better description. 💙
September 18, 2024 at 1:34 PM
If anyone has game suggestions that involves with pets, living life (ex: animal crossing), stocking/organization, or just any chill relaxing games that i could play on my Win7 would be appreciated. Because a friend of mine i asking ppl on Twitter/X. But i want to give a better description. 💙
I'm going to give you guys in on a secret that i've been hiding.. I actually didn't quit Youtube. I'm just doing it on different accounts. Now, i'm not uploading often, but i am posting stuff that fits more of what i like to do.
& no i'm not abandoning my main channel. I'm just doing a side thing.
& no i'm not abandoning my main channel. I'm just doing a side thing.
September 18, 2024 at 6:16 AM
I'm going to give you guys in on a secret that i've been hiding.. I actually didn't quit Youtube. I'm just doing it on different accounts. Now, i'm not uploading often, but i am posting stuff that fits more of what i like to do.
& no i'm not abandoning my main channel. I'm just doing a side thing.
& no i'm not abandoning my main channel. I'm just doing a side thing.
Dad's computer has been doing the blue screen lately. He gave me his backup chomrbook but Roblox is super laggy on it. So it makes it very unplayable.
He might eventually get a new hard drive after saving our stuff. Idk when tho. But ya. I hope this wont be the end of our Win7 computer 😭 i need it.
He might eventually get a new hard drive after saving our stuff. Idk when tho. But ya. I hope this wont be the end of our Win7 computer 😭 i need it.
September 18, 2024 at 5:22 AM
Dad's computer has been doing the blue screen lately. He gave me his backup chomrbook but Roblox is super laggy on it. So it makes it very unplayable.
He might eventually get a new hard drive after saving our stuff. Idk when tho. But ya. I hope this wont be the end of our Win7 computer 😭 i need it.
He might eventually get a new hard drive after saving our stuff. Idk when tho. But ya. I hope this wont be the end of our Win7 computer 😭 i need it.
1 Corinthians 7:25-40 made me feel SO MUCH AT EASE! Reading this just lifted up so many painful weights off my chest. Thank you Lord almighty for all that you do. Thank you for understanding & still sticking by me. I'm so sorry for the fear i had. But i'm sure you understood where i came from. Ty. ❤️🩹
What's right? What's wrong? Idk. Idk anything anymore.
My mother talked about grandkids with my brother. Not me. No one else has talked to me about this but me.. So why am i thinking this? I'm only 19.. i haven't hit 20 yet.. I don't even have a job, a license, graduated even. So why am i fearing?
My mother talked about grandkids with my brother. Not me. No one else has talked to me about this but me.. So why am i thinking this? I'm only 19.. i haven't hit 20 yet.. I don't even have a job, a license, graduated even. So why am i fearing?
September 18, 2024 at 3:11 AM
1 Corinthians 7:25-40 made me feel SO MUCH AT EASE! Reading this just lifted up so many painful weights off my chest. Thank you Lord almighty for all that you do. Thank you for understanding & still sticking by me. I'm so sorry for the fear i had. But i'm sure you understood where i came from. Ty. ❤️🩹
What's right? What's wrong? Idk. Idk anything anymore.
My mother talked about grandkids with my brother. Not me. No one else has talked to me about this but me.. So why am i thinking this? I'm only 19.. i haven't hit 20 yet.. I don't even have a job, a license, graduated even. So why am i fearing?
My mother talked about grandkids with my brother. Not me. No one else has talked to me about this but me.. So why am i thinking this? I'm only 19.. i haven't hit 20 yet.. I don't even have a job, a license, graduated even. So why am i fearing?
September 17, 2024 at 10:04 PM
What's right? What's wrong? Idk. Idk anything anymore.
My mother talked about grandkids with my brother. Not me. No one else has talked to me about this but me.. So why am i thinking this? I'm only 19.. i haven't hit 20 yet.. I don't even have a job, a license, graduated even. So why am i fearing?
My mother talked about grandkids with my brother. Not me. No one else has talked to me about this but me.. So why am i thinking this? I'm only 19.. i haven't hit 20 yet.. I don't even have a job, a license, graduated even. So why am i fearing?
The only enjoyment i'm trying to find is making outfits in Catalog Avatar Creator based on what i think are good, & on ppl's fits in real life.
Kind-of fun. But i still miss that game. I barely got to have a full experience. Most of it was me getting lost trying to get back to my base.. This sucks.
Kind-of fun. But i still miss that game. I barely got to have a full experience. Most of it was me getting lost trying to get back to my base.. This sucks.
The Roblox Minecraft game got taken down as i was just about to play it..
I actually really enjoyed it.. now i'll have to go back to grinding repetitive AdoptMe since there's no other game that's mentally enjoyable.. I know there's Pet Sim but.. I was really enjoying playing "Minecraft"..
I actually really enjoyed it.. now i'll have to go back to grinding repetitive AdoptMe since there's no other game that's mentally enjoyable.. I know there's Pet Sim but.. I was really enjoying playing "Minecraft"..
September 17, 2024 at 8:20 PM
The only enjoyment i'm trying to find is making outfits in Catalog Avatar Creator based on what i think are good, & on ppl's fits in real life.
Kind-of fun. But i still miss that game. I barely got to have a full experience. Most of it was me getting lost trying to get back to my base.. This sucks.
Kind-of fun. But i still miss that game. I barely got to have a full experience. Most of it was me getting lost trying to get back to my base.. This sucks.
Lol, my mind is trying it again where it tells me: "i need to leave, this is stupid." (Aka the disappear thing again).
In my mind is playing me deleting all of my accounts & screaming into my bed with my hands gripping my head as if i'm trying to tead it apart.
... i'm going to sleep now.
In my mind is playing me deleting all of my accounts & screaming into my bed with my hands gripping my head as if i'm trying to tead it apart.
... i'm going to sleep now.
September 17, 2024 at 6:28 AM
Lol, my mind is trying it again where it tells me: "i need to leave, this is stupid." (Aka the disappear thing again).
In my mind is playing me deleting all of my accounts & screaming into my bed with my hands gripping my head as if i'm trying to tead it apart.
... i'm going to sleep now.
In my mind is playing me deleting all of my accounts & screaming into my bed with my hands gripping my head as if i'm trying to tead it apart.
... i'm going to sleep now.
I really should be doing my laundry but i don't feel comfortable when my brother is out there & i have no clue where mom is at.
Whatever. I can try & do it tomorrow if i have the motivation too.. (i need too since i have no more pants left. I need to get more.)
Whatever. I can try & do it tomorrow if i have the motivation too.. (i need too since i have no more pants left. I need to get more.)
September 17, 2024 at 3:24 AM
I really should be doing my laundry but i don't feel comfortable when my brother is out there & i have no clue where mom is at.
Whatever. I can try & do it tomorrow if i have the motivation too.. (i need too since i have no more pants left. I need to get more.)
Whatever. I can try & do it tomorrow if i have the motivation too.. (i need too since i have no more pants left. I need to get more.)
The Roblox Minecraft game got taken down as i was just about to play it..
I actually really enjoyed it.. now i'll have to go back to grinding repetitive AdoptMe since there's no other game that's mentally enjoyable.. I know there's Pet Sim but.. I was really enjoying playing "Minecraft"..
I actually really enjoyed it.. now i'll have to go back to grinding repetitive AdoptMe since there's no other game that's mentally enjoyable.. I know there's Pet Sim but.. I was really enjoying playing "Minecraft"..
September 17, 2024 at 3:23 AM
The Roblox Minecraft game got taken down as i was just about to play it..
I actually really enjoyed it.. now i'll have to go back to grinding repetitive AdoptMe since there's no other game that's mentally enjoyable.. I know there's Pet Sim but.. I was really enjoying playing "Minecraft"..
I actually really enjoyed it.. now i'll have to go back to grinding repetitive AdoptMe since there's no other game that's mentally enjoyable.. I know there's Pet Sim but.. I was really enjoying playing "Minecraft"..
I'm feeling mindless again. But i'm going to try & make some neon pets for a friend, & see how that goes. I need to keep my end of the bargain after all. I can't be slacking because of my mind wanting to not work properly & float in a void..
Im sure if i had a job, my boss would be pissed & fire me
Im sure if i had a job, my boss would be pissed & fire me
September 16, 2024 at 6:13 PM
I'm feeling mindless again. But i'm going to try & make some neon pets for a friend, & see how that goes. I need to keep my end of the bargain after all. I can't be slacking because of my mind wanting to not work properly & float in a void..
Im sure if i had a job, my boss would be pissed & fire me
Im sure if i had a job, my boss would be pissed & fire me
I did my best to find a asmr video to listen too & i found a minecraft game that someone made on Roblox. I've been having fun on it. I never got to play MC before & i always wanted too as a kid. So i'm glad i get to have that experience, even tho it's not official. But it's still fun regardless. ❤️🩹
I'm so empty inside.. i feel like i'm floating in a void mindlessly.. i feel so exhausted..
I might sleep early tonight..
I might sleep early tonight..
September 16, 2024 at 12:34 AM
I did my best to find a asmr video to listen too & i found a minecraft game that someone made on Roblox. I've been having fun on it. I never got to play MC before & i always wanted too as a kid. So i'm glad i get to have that experience, even tho it's not official. But it's still fun regardless. ❤️🩹
I'm so empty inside.. i feel like i'm floating in a void mindlessly.. i feel so exhausted..
I might sleep early tonight..
I might sleep early tonight..
September 15, 2024 at 10:51 PM
I'm so empty inside.. i feel like i'm floating in a void mindlessly.. i feel so exhausted..
I might sleep early tonight..
I might sleep early tonight..
It tends to bother me & make me feel like i'm being used & never get recognized for it.. it feels like deja vu or something..
But surely it's no big deal. It's just a yt editing job. Plus it's robux, who cares. The more important thing is to make people happy. I don't need anything in return ...
But surely it's no big deal. It's just a yt editing job. Plus it's robux, who cares. The more important thing is to make people happy. I don't need anything in return ...
September 15, 2024 at 7:57 PM
It tends to bother me & make me feel like i'm being used & never get recognized for it.. it feels like deja vu or something..
But surely it's no big deal. It's just a yt editing job. Plus it's robux, who cares. The more important thing is to make people happy. I don't need anything in return ...
But surely it's no big deal. It's just a yt editing job. Plus it's robux, who cares. The more important thing is to make people happy. I don't need anything in return ...
I truly thought i was doing the right thing & protecting them from the monster that i see myself as. But all it did was hurt my 2 closest friends. One of them being so scared that i was going to end my life. There was no way i could see that & move on with my day. So i immediately came back & talked
September 15, 2024 at 6:20 PM
I truly thought i was doing the right thing & protecting them from the monster that i see myself as. But all it did was hurt my 2 closest friends. One of them being so scared that i was going to end my life. There was no way i could see that & move on with my day. So i immediately came back & talked
Yet here i am coming back for the 10th time atp..
I don't know what my mind wants anymore. My mind & thoughts is like a rocking chair. Just goes back n forth on repeat & i'm just stuck in the middle mindless on what i should do & if it's even good for me.. Will i even regret making this account...?
I don't know what my mind wants anymore. My mind & thoughts is like a rocking chair. Just goes back n forth on repeat & i'm just stuck in the middle mindless on what i should do & if it's even good for me.. Will i even regret making this account...?
September 15, 2024 at 6:13 PM
Yet here i am coming back for the 10th time atp..
I don't know what my mind wants anymore. My mind & thoughts is like a rocking chair. Just goes back n forth on repeat & i'm just stuck in the middle mindless on what i should do & if it's even good for me.. Will i even regret making this account...?
I don't know what my mind wants anymore. My mind & thoughts is like a rocking chair. Just goes back n forth on repeat & i'm just stuck in the middle mindless on what i should do & if it's even good for me.. Will i even regret making this account...?
Later on i searched: "how can i tell if i'm being annoying test" & one of them was; "Are you being overly critical & nitpicky?" Which made me think. Am i?
There's also: "how can i tell if i'm being mean test?" & it said; You're consistently critical of others opinions.
Which again. Am i? Cuz idk..
There's also: "how can i tell if i'm being mean test?" & it said; You're consistently critical of others opinions.
Which again. Am i? Cuz idk..
September 15, 2024 at 6:10 PM
Later on i searched: "how can i tell if i'm being annoying test" & one of them was; "Are you being overly critical & nitpicky?" Which made me think. Am i?
There's also: "how can i tell if i'm being mean test?" & it said; You're consistently critical of others opinions.
Which again. Am i? Cuz idk..
There's also: "how can i tell if i'm being mean test?" & it said; You're consistently critical of others opinions.
Which again. Am i? Cuz idk..
I originally didn't want to tell people because i wanted to be a secret. But i knew that would've been dumb & i didn't want people confused that they were subscribed to a random user. So i decided to tell them.
& i did go ahead & block my old Alias because of what i discussed in my previous post.
& i did go ahead & block my old Alias because of what i discussed in my previous post.
September 15, 2024 at 5:57 PM
I originally didn't want to tell people because i wanted to be a secret. But i knew that would've been dumb & i didn't want people confused that they were subscribed to a random user. So i decided to tell them.
& i did go ahead & block my old Alias because of what i discussed in my previous post.
& i did go ahead & block my old Alias because of what i discussed in my previous post.
I had a strong hurtful feeling that my old Alias 'Zea', was too hurtful for me to continue to be known that due to all the bad memories i've had with it. So i decided to change my identity completely thanks to some Reddit users i found online. Hence the name 'Asha Nash' is born & i'm in love with it
September 15, 2024 at 5:55 PM
I had a strong hurtful feeling that my old Alias 'Zea', was too hurtful for me to continue to be known that due to all the bad memories i've had with it. So i decided to change my identity completely thanks to some Reddit users i found online. Hence the name 'Asha Nash' is born & i'm in love with it