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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 12h

He keeps it in a box on his nightstand I hear

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 12h

Improv people love it when they ask you for a topic, any topic, and you bring up your uncle’s circumcision

OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 12h

The CDC recommends blowing smoke in your toddler’s face

OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 15h

Wait for the lotus flower to bloom amid murky still-water

OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 15h

Wait, wait. Let him cook.

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 16h

People are getting upset that there’s now gonna be a counter Super Bowl halftime show that involves faith and prayer.

Show a little gumption libtards, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Pray along with me:

🙏 Dear god, please kill the Philadelphia Eagles. Amen. 🙏

OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 9d

Saw protests breaking out on the street, dozens if not hundreds, all celebrating the untimely death of Jane Goodall. Disgusting.

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 9d

The turf is always greener on the other side

OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 11d

The memoir of Rafi Eitan. Capturing Eichmann: The memoir of a Mossad Spymaster. Eichmann was a Nazi logistician who fled to Argentina, then was brought to justice 17 years later.

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 11d

This is just you concocting imaginary scenarios to make yourself feel better

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 11d

*spends hours crying, picking fights, and arguing online over basically nothing*

Yes, I am the normal well-adjusted person here

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 11d

Can you post this picture again? I had trouble reading it the first 3 times

OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 17d

Applying to be the spectre of death

OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 19d

Always taking the easy way out

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 24d

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 27d

No borders for LLL

OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 28d

I keep forgetting where I put my keys though

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · 28d

Remember students, UwU will be marked incorrectly for the test.

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · Sep 10

Kenny steals Cartman’s shtick, and then…

Reposted by OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL)

merritt @merrittk.com · Sep 10

what a week, huh?

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Reposted by OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL)

wargen @funeralpig.bsky.social · Sep 8

(explaining god to a bug) imagine a really big bug

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · Aug 21

It’s coming

OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · Nov 21

February 8th, 2026

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · Aug 18

Postal 3 failed because of woke anti-piss activists 😡

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OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · Aug 14

What’s holding us back from true bipartisan consensus is having geriatric congressmen instead of young models. Every vote would pass 435-0. Every day ends in an orgy.

OFFICIAL AUTOZONE (NOT REAL) @autozone.bsky.social · Aug 12

Mf hit you with the *sigh*

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