mattbird
@biiirdmaaan.bsky.social
"That may be the easy way, but it's not The Cowboy Way."
"If she can't find you handsome, she should at least find you handy."
"If she can't find you handsome, she should at least find you handy."
Happy Luigimas to all who celebrate.
December 4, 2025 at 2:05 PM
Happy Luigimas to all who celebrate.
Look, whether they admit it or not, people are only reading Olivia Nuzzi's book for a graphic description of RFK's weird dick. That she can't even hold up that end of the bargain...
I cannot believe I am going to force myself to read this thing
slate.com/culture/2025...
slate.com/culture/2025...
December 3, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Look, whether they admit it or not, people are only reading Olivia Nuzzi's book for a graphic description of RFK's weird dick. That she can't even hold up that end of the bargain...
Reposted by mattbird
jose altuve would fit in there
December 3, 2025 at 4:11 PM
jose altuve would fit in there
Melania warned him he would wear himself out with all his posting before his big day
I can't get over the fact that they scheduled a televised Cabinet meeting, hyped it as a major event, planned it all out to show how active and in control Trump is ... and then he dozed off in the middle of it. Repeatedly.
December 2, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Melania warned him he would wear himself out with all his posting before his big day
May the Jennifer Connelly gif outlive Target and be their one lasting legacy.
December 2, 2025 at 3:41 PM
May the Jennifer Connelly gif outlive Target and be their one lasting legacy.
I would like to know @profanity.accountant
November 30, 2025 at 1:23 AM
I would like to know @profanity.accountant
Reposted by mattbird
Audience culture is the worst it's ever been, I swear to god. People forgot how to act. I'm at the theater, trying to enjoy my show, which I've paid GOOD MONEY for, and these two old assholes are in the balcony heckling the life out of the poor bear onstage. Not letting him finish a single joke.
November 26, 2025 at 10:05 PM
Audience culture is the worst it's ever been, I swear to god. People forgot how to act. I'm at the theater, trying to enjoy my show, which I've paid GOOD MONEY for, and these two old assholes are in the balcony heckling the life out of the poor bear onstage. Not letting him finish a single joke.
All the dogs in the National Dog Show are three degrees from Kevin Bacon.
November 27, 2025 at 6:09 PM
All the dogs in the National Dog Show are three degrees from Kevin Bacon.
Aliens lean slightly left while Bigfoot has a pronounced right bias. This is slander against my big hairy forest daddy.
New polling on aliens
% of U.S. adult citizens who believe the following definitely or probably exist:
Aliens 56%
Bigfoot 28%
The Yeti 23%
The Loch Ness Monster 22%
Chupacabra 16%
today.yougov.com/health/artic...
% of U.S. adult citizens who believe the following definitely or probably exist:
Aliens 56%
Bigfoot 28%
The Yeti 23%
The Loch Ness Monster 22%
Chupacabra 16%
today.yougov.com/health/artic...
November 25, 2025 at 10:33 PM
Aliens lean slightly left while Bigfoot has a pronounced right bias. This is slander against my big hairy forest daddy.
Wild that Lizza decided this was the least humiliating option.
why did i log back in. WHY DID I LOG BACK IN. www.telos.news/p/part-2-she...
November 22, 2025 at 6:57 AM
Wild that Lizza decided this was the least humiliating option.
My hot take but Elon turning Grok into his personal shameless hagiography machine is good, actually. It trains people to not trust Grok specifically and LLMs more generally.
November 21, 2025 at 4:51 PM
My hot take but Elon turning Grok into his personal shameless hagiography machine is good, actually. It trains people to not trust Grok specifically and LLMs more generally.
Reposted by mattbird
while I’m being cranky, access journalism needs to go. When the president does his “I’m alpha because I insulted you” thing somebody needs to fall on his sword and say “what the fuck is wrong with you, old man?” on a hot mic. the hero of the wizard of Oz is Toto.
November 21, 2025 at 12:11 PM
while I’m being cranky, access journalism needs to go. When the president does his “I’m alpha because I insulted you” thing somebody needs to fall on his sword and say “what the fuck is wrong with you, old man?” on a hot mic. the hero of the wizard of Oz is Toto.
I figured out what this reminds me of
November 21, 2025 at 3:03 AM
I figured out what this reminds me of
Reposted by mattbird
This is a thread detailing a series of incidents where federal Judge Ellis rules that Gregory Bovino and his agents lied or misrepresented what was happening on the streets of Chicago. In this one, she says body cam footage suggests they brake checked to cause accidents
November 20, 2025 at 9:27 PM
This is a thread detailing a series of incidents where federal Judge Ellis rules that Gregory Bovino and his agents lied or misrepresented what was happening on the streets of Chicago. In this one, she says body cam footage suggests they brake checked to cause accidents
#1. This is so obviously a sex thing.
#2. Anyone else remember the girl who made up a story about being attached and scratched a backwards B (for Barack) on her face in 2008?
#3. This is so obviously a sex thing.
#2. Anyone else remember the girl who made up a story about being attached and scratched a backwards B (for Barack) on her face in 2008?
#3. This is so obviously a sex thing.
A staffer to a New Jersey congressman allegedly paid an scarification artist $500 to wound her as she staged a scene with zip ties and “Trump Whore” written on her stomach, federal prosecutors say
Ex-Van Drew staffer staged fake attack, writing 'Trump Whore' across her stomach and alleging men held her down and cut her body - New Jersey Globe
A 26-year-old Ocean City woman who claimed she was brutally assaulted because she worked for Rep. Jeff Van Drew (R-Ocean City) instead orchestrated the
newjerseyglobe.com
November 20, 2025 at 2:58 AM
#1. This is so obviously a sex thing.
#2. Anyone else remember the girl who made up a story about being attached and scratched a backwards B (for Barack) on her face in 2008?
#3. This is so obviously a sex thing.
#2. Anyone else remember the girl who made up a story about being attached and scratched a backwards B (for Barack) on her face in 2008?
#3. This is so obviously a sex thing.
So she was raised to be the way she is, huh.
Someone found an mp3 of the creepy "Jailbait" song Olivia Nuzzi released when she was 16 🫣
November 19, 2025 at 9:07 PM
So she was raised to be the way she is, huh.
Saying that the problem with Holocaust education was that it made the youth more anti-genocide generally than pro-Israel specifically is a hell of a take.
Sharing the video of this because it’s such a ghoulish thing to say that I’m honestly in disbelief that I even heard her properly
November 19, 2025 at 3:42 PM
Saying that the problem with Holocaust education was that it made the youth more anti-genocide generally than pro-Israel specifically is a hell of a take.
Rude.
Reading about camouflaging and autism, and sometimes you just get called right the fuck out by a behaviour.
November 19, 2025 at 2:10 AM
Rude.
Bill should release a statement. A "No comment. Not saying it's true, but not saying it's not true," would be so funny.
November 16, 2025 at 4:36 AM
Bill should release a statement. A "No comment. Not saying it's true, but not saying it's not true," would be so funny.
Reposted by mattbird
Just thinking about how it was Gollum who actually destroyed the One Ring by accident.
Anyway, Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Anyway, Marjorie Taylor Greene.
November 15, 2025 at 4:08 AM
Just thinking about how it was Gollum who actually destroyed the One Ring by accident.
Anyway, Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Anyway, Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Looking forward to the inevitable Truth Social post
November 15, 2025 at 5:46 AM
Looking forward to the inevitable Truth Social post
Threads decided I needed to see some dink write lesbian enemies to lovers fanfic about Capitol Hill so now you have to see it too
November 15, 2025 at 4:52 AM
Threads decided I needed to see some dink write lesbian enemies to lovers fanfic about Capitol Hill so now you have to see it too
Petition to rename soccer (or football to non-americans) "grass hockey."
November 9, 2025 at 12:47 AM
Petition to rename soccer (or football to non-americans) "grass hockey."