bnacker
@bnacker.bsky.social
(he/him) Now a writer AND an author! Read “Stories to Keep You Alive Despite Vampires.” Hear Thrilling Adventure Hour and Cut and Run. No puns. Show businessman
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bnacker
@bnacker.bsky.social
· Nov 16
Stories to Keep You Alive Despite Vampires a book by Ben Acker
This fourth wall-breaking middle grade collection of spooky, scary, and spoopy stories for fans of Lemony Snicket and Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark might just help you survive the night in a house...
bookshop.org
Please buy my book from here instead of Amazon because fuck billionaires.
bookshop.org/p/books/stor...
bookshop.org/p/books/stor...
Evel Knievel? I wonder if she means Old Ben Knievel
January 13, 2026 at 9:47 PM
Evel Knievel? I wonder if she means Old Ben Knievel
Remember last year when people were completely sure that the rapture was coming? Remember this year when people were completely sure another episode of Stranger Things was coming? What's uh... what's up?
January 12, 2026 at 6:07 AM
Remember last year when people were completely sure that the rapture was coming? Remember this year when people were completely sure another episode of Stranger Things was coming? What's uh... what's up?
Reposted by bnacker
When I was a kid, you couldn't say "butt" on tv. Now you can betray your country and its ideals as president on it!
December 3, 2024 at 4:28 AM
When I was a kid, you couldn't say "butt" on tv. Now you can betray your country and its ideals as president on it!
Reposted by bnacker
Do your job, ads! Make right Twix bigot assholes fucking up our country and left ones scared and calling their both-side representatives
December 3, 2024 at 2:07 AM
Do your job, ads! Make right Twix bigot assholes fucking up our country and left ones scared and calling their both-side representatives
Reposted by bnacker
The shithole country is the country you made a shithole along the way
December 1, 2024 at 9:57 AM
The shithole country is the country you made a shithole along the way
Reposted by bnacker
Remember when the biggest problem in our country was Hamilton was too good?
December 1, 2024 at 7:40 AM
Remember when the biggest problem in our country was Hamilton was too good?
Instead of Auld Lang Syne, sing Her Majesty. It's way better
January 5, 2026 at 5:01 PM
Instead of Auld Lang Syne, sing Her Majesty. It's way better
My back hurts. Either I tweaked it at the gym racking up colossal gains or else I slept wrong for a minute there the other night
January 4, 2026 at 9:51 PM
My back hurts. Either I tweaked it at the gym racking up colossal gains or else I slept wrong for a minute there the other night
These Democrats are eating four dimensional hard candies.
Asked about the possibility of impeachment, Schumer says "we hope that we can have support from our Republican colleagues to put a brake on this long before it gets that far"
January 3, 2026 at 11:03 PM
These Democrats are eating four dimensional hard candies.
"I aced the cognitive test" says the guy who was the collective cognitive test we did not manage to ace
January 2, 2026 at 6:01 PM
"I aced the cognitive test" says the guy who was the collective cognitive test we did not manage to ace
At what age do you stop telling your dog "good boy" and start telling him "good man?"
December 31, 2025 at 2:49 AM
At what age do you stop telling your dog "good boy" and start telling him "good man?"
MY BRAIN: I know you're asleep right now but with the elements they built in the first season of Stranger Things, the story could have been (goes into extreme detail)
ME: What? That's all great stuff, but why are you telling it to me?
MY BRAIN: I don't know! Wake up. Write it down.
ME: Fine.
ME: What? That's all great stuff, but why are you telling it to me?
MY BRAIN: I don't know! Wake up. Write it down.
ME: Fine.
December 30, 2025 at 1:51 PM
MY BRAIN: I know you're asleep right now but with the elements they built in the first season of Stranger Things, the story could have been (goes into extreme detail)
ME: What? That's all great stuff, but why are you telling it to me?
MY BRAIN: I don't know! Wake up. Write it down.
ME: Fine.
ME: What? That's all great stuff, but why are you telling it to me?
MY BRAIN: I don't know! Wake up. Write it down.
ME: Fine.
Would not watch Chris Pratt as Detective Christopher Raven, framed for a crime he didn't commit trying to clear his name lest he face AI justice. But would watch Andy Dwyer do all of that.
December 26, 2025 at 8:51 PM
Would not watch Chris Pratt as Detective Christopher Raven, framed for a crime he didn't commit trying to clear his name lest he face AI justice. But would watch Andy Dwyer do all of that.
Grinches get stinches
December 25, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Grinches get stinches
Once you realize that every group of chipmunks has a sociopath, a people pleaser and a glasses one, you wonder what Chip and Dale did to the glasses one
December 24, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Once you realize that every group of chipmunks has a sociopath, a people pleaser and a glasses one, you wonder what Chip and Dale did to the glasses one
No offense but stop raining
December 24, 2025 at 8:20 PM
No offense but stop raining
If 60 Minutes doesn't do a story about what happened on the last episode of 60 Minutes in their next episode of 60 Minutes, they're missing a trick.
December 23, 2025 at 7:16 AM
If 60 Minutes doesn't do a story about what happened on the last episode of 60 Minutes in their next episode of 60 Minutes, they're missing a trick.
Grocer: Which kind of chicken do you want? Skin on, bone in or skin off boneless?
Customer: Can I get skin on with the bone out?
Chicken scientists: Sorry that's impossible!
Customer: Can I get skin on with the bone out?
Chicken scientists: Sorry that's impossible!
December 21, 2025 at 11:15 PM
Grocer: Which kind of chicken do you want? Skin on, bone in or skin off boneless?
Customer: Can I get skin on with the bone out?
Chicken scientists: Sorry that's impossible!
Customer: Can I get skin on with the bone out?
Chicken scientists: Sorry that's impossible!
If Marc Evan Jackson isn't playing Brainiac in the James Gunniverse, then the James Gunniverse is unserious.
December 20, 2025 at 7:44 PM
If Marc Evan Jackson isn't playing Brainiac in the James Gunniverse, then the James Gunniverse is unserious.
@marthakelly.bsky.social the tiktoks where people lip sync to the backing vocal of the Chipmunks cover of "Bad Day" are goddamn delightful
December 20, 2025 at 6:11 AM
@marthakelly.bsky.social the tiktoks where people lip sync to the backing vocal of the Chipmunks cover of "Bad Day" are goddamn delightful
EVERYONE: There's too much traffic!
SOMEONE: Let's add a bunch more cars driving around without anyone in them!
EVERYONE: Um... but...
SOMEONE: It's decided then! More cars! Empty ones! Woooooooo!!! Yeah!
SOMEONE: Let's add a bunch more cars driving around without anyone in them!
EVERYONE: Um... but...
SOMEONE: It's decided then! More cars! Empty ones! Woooooooo!!! Yeah!
December 20, 2025 at 12:08 AM
EVERYONE: There's too much traffic!
SOMEONE: Let's add a bunch more cars driving around without anyone in them!
EVERYONE: Um... but...
SOMEONE: It's decided then! More cars! Empty ones! Woooooooo!!! Yeah!
SOMEONE: Let's add a bunch more cars driving around without anyone in them!
EVERYONE: Um... but...
SOMEONE: It's decided then! More cars! Empty ones! Woooooooo!!! Yeah!
Hey watch this comedy special and stick around for the credits if you want
Pissing Out Cancer, my comedy special produced by and formerly exclusively on Dropout.tv is now available for free and in full on YouTube.
Thank you so much to Dropout for being chill and letting me write this into my contract!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xh5G...
Thank you so much to Dropout for being chill and letting me write this into my contract!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xh5G...
Hank Green: Pissing Out Cancer | Full Comedy Special
YouTube video by Hank Green
www.youtube.com
December 15, 2025 at 4:34 AM
Hey watch this comedy special and stick around for the credits if you want
Has the Salvation Army tried it where they don't ring a bell? I bet they'd do a lot better
December 15, 2025 at 1:03 AM
Has the Salvation Army tried it where they don't ring a bell? I bet they'd do a lot better
If the arc of history bends towards justice, it's funny. If it breaks, it's not funny
December 11, 2025 at 10:29 PM
If the arc of history bends towards justice, it's funny. If it breaks, it's not funny
The other week, after I prayed to a god I don't believe in for the ego death of a stranger, the stranger bought me a pancake. It was a great pancake.
December 8, 2025 at 10:48 PM
The other week, after I prayed to a god I don't believe in for the ego death of a stranger, the stranger bought me a pancake. It was a great pancake.