bri-"pumpkin pie"-ween 🥧
@briween.bsky.social
something something simpsons reference
📷 pfp credit: scottlava.bsky.social
📷 pfp credit: scottlava.bsky.social
Pinned
by the end of my life i will have spent hundreds of hours failing to convince automated faucets where my fucking hands are
i've felt this way about my year too (2004) and i bet it goes on and up for some of those who came before me
let's keep asking up and up until one class is like "oh, i love that i graduated my year" and so that's the first class we jump
let's keep asking up and up until one class is like "oh, i love that i graduated my year" and so that's the first class we jump
Graduating college in 2010 has been one of the worst things in my life
November 26, 2025 at 12:51 AM
i've felt this way about my year too (2004) and i bet it goes on and up for some of those who came before me
let's keep asking up and up until one class is like "oh, i love that i graduated my year" and so that's the first class we jump
let's keep asking up and up until one class is like "oh, i love that i graduated my year" and so that's the first class we jump
harlan ellison would be proud
November 25, 2025 at 8:02 PM
harlan ellison would be proud
late to the party on this but one year after discovering the afikomen (hidden piece of matzah on passover), my older brother found me on a couch, yelped "find it!" and shattered it on my face. this was, of course, retribution for a years-earlier incident where i wiped a sandwich on his face.
kids.
kids.
yes, hello, I would like to place an order for everyone’s funniest stories of holiday food-related family grudges / drama / chaotic incidents / lore
I feel like we need this
I feel like we need this
November 25, 2025 at 7:48 PM
late to the party on this but one year after discovering the afikomen (hidden piece of matzah on passover), my older brother found me on a couch, yelped "find it!" and shattered it on my face. this was, of course, retribution for a years-earlier incident where i wiped a sandwich on his face.
kids.
kids.
TIL that pennypinchers at Universal and the inexperienced director of DRAGONHEART took a movie that could have been an all-timer and made every possible decision to undermine and crapify its casting, story, performances, and themes
and yet there are 4(?!?) sequels/prequels
how unmotherly of them
and yet there are 4(?!?) sequels/prequels
how unmotherly of them
November 24, 2025 at 9:12 PM
TIL that pennypinchers at Universal and the inexperienced director of DRAGONHEART took a movie that could have been an all-timer and made every possible decision to undermine and crapify its casting, story, performances, and themes
and yet there are 4(?!?) sequels/prequels
how unmotherly of them
and yet there are 4(?!?) sequels/prequels
how unmotherly of them
and irony is the opposite
Hyperbole is like the worst thing ever
November 24, 2025 at 6:44 PM
and irony is the opposite
Reposted by bri-"pumpkin pie"-ween 🥧
love good screen
good screen joy
hate bad screen
bad screen sad
good joy
bad sad
but all screen is screen
good joy bad sad good joy sad bad
good bad joy sad bad bad bad
all screen bad
bad screen bad
bad bad bad bad bad bad
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--*
*
*
*
*
*
*
☁️ 🌤️
good screen joy
hate bad screen
bad screen sad
good joy
bad sad
but all screen is screen
good joy bad sad good joy sad bad
good bad joy sad bad bad bad
all screen bad
bad screen bad
bad bad bad bad bad bad
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--*
*
*
*
*
*
*
☁️ 🌤️
November 24, 2025 at 5:59 PM
love good screen
good screen joy
hate bad screen
bad screen sad
good joy
bad sad
but all screen is screen
good joy bad sad good joy sad bad
good bad joy sad bad bad bad
all screen bad
bad screen bad
bad bad bad bad bad bad
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--*
*
*
*
*
*
*
☁️ 🌤️
good screen joy
hate bad screen
bad screen sad
good joy
bad sad
but all screen is screen
good joy bad sad good joy sad bad
good bad joy sad bad bad bad
all screen bad
bad screen bad
bad bad bad bad bad bad
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--*
*
*
*
*
*
*
☁️ 🌤️
factory farm ceo: think of it this way, now everybody gets all the eggs they want AND a FREE dollop of rat feces
waymo ceo: we plan for fatal crashes and society will learn to accept them
roblox ceo: kids must be preyed upon and victimized as a necessary consequence of scale
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HEADS ON PIKES
roblox ceo: kids must be preyed upon and victimized as a necessary consequence of scale
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HEADS ON PIKES
November 21, 2025 at 8:09 PM
factory farm ceo: think of it this way, now everybody gets all the eggs they want AND a FREE dollop of rat feces
spaghettin' it on
full of pasta and ready to fuck
November 18, 2025 at 12:11 AM
spaghettin' it on
[me]
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[rage bait]
🎣
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[rage bait]
November 14, 2025 at 6:46 PM
[me]
🎣
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[rage bait]
🎣
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[rage bait]
if i negotiated with the democrats i could get them to give me just about anything -- except, apparently, new democrats
I don’t know how anyone could make a coherent case that democrats even understand the concepts of leverage, negotiating, or deception
NEWS: Senate Republicans are threatening to block the extension of Affordable Care Act subsidies—unless Democrats agree to tougher abortion restrictions.
November 12, 2025 at 12:52 AM
if i negotiated with the democrats i could get them to give me just about anything -- except, apparently, new democrats
that's why mine says "GNIHTYREVE KCUF"
Sometimes I feel like half the country has that Memento disease and we all need to start writing things on our fucking bodies
November 10, 2025 at 2:22 AM
that's why mine says "GNIHTYREVE KCUF"
if the bread is toasted, the bail must be posted
The defense team presses Lairmore on whether the sandwich really 'exploded.' They return to the photo of the sandwich and wrapper on the ground.
"That sandwich hasn't exploded at all, has it?" defense asks.
"It looks like a little bit is coming out towards the bottom," Lairmore replies.
"That sandwich hasn't exploded at all, has it?" defense asks.
"It looks like a little bit is coming out towards the bottom," Lairmore replies.
November 4, 2025 at 5:52 PM
if the bread is toasted, the bail must be posted
let's see ai try to write this shit
no fucking way
no fucking way
Still thinking about that Pages catch that should have been a disaster. That wedged ball from last night. Error after error after error. A Kershaw inning. An 18 inning war of attrition. An extra innings game 7. Shohei Ohtani & Mookie Betts DOG SHIT. WILL KLEIN?!??!
How did this happen?!?!
How did this happen?!?!
November 2, 2025 at 5:09 AM
let's see ai try to write this shit
no fucking way
no fucking way
jesus: what's with all the prayers is there a game on
November 2, 2025 at 4:16 AM
jesus: what's with all the prayers is there a game on
i can't can't
i can't breathe
i can't look
November 2, 2025 at 4:15 AM
i can't can't
will smith is the unspoken mvp of this postseason ⚾💥
November 2, 2025 at 4:07 AM
will smith is the unspoken mvp of this postseason ⚾💥
i can't breathe
i can't look
November 2, 2025 at 3:39 AM
i can't breathe
is someone banging trash cans in toronto or what
November 2, 2025 at 1:04 AM
is someone banging trash cans in toronto or what
starting to hallucinate about whether our entire universe exists within a giant baseball being used to play an even longer baseball game
October 28, 2025 at 6:01 AM
starting to hallucinate about whether our entire universe exists within a giant baseball being used to play an even longer baseball game
seriously guys the stadium is running out of dirt
October 28, 2025 at 5:50 AM
seriously guys the stadium is running out of dirt
we have all pitched today and batted today and all of life is a teardrop
we
are
baseball
we
are
baseball
Wait Glasnow pitched TODAY?!?!?!?
October 28, 2025 at 5:49 AM
we have all pitched today and batted today and all of life is a teardrop
we
are
baseball
we
are
baseball
if this world series game never ends did it ever really start
October 28, 2025 at 5:46 AM
if this world series game never ends did it ever really start