Clare (The Amazon)
@claretheamazon.bsky.social
I'm pretty tall. I'm an ACSM-certified personal trainer. I like leftist politics, Pokemon, and good books. I can read Italian semi-adequately. I have ADHD.
I booked a chiropractor appointment and a mammogram back to back for next week, because I am WHAT? Old.
December 5, 2025 at 2:20 PM
I booked a chiropractor appointment and a mammogram back to back for next week, because I am WHAT? Old.
The gang's all here (plus an extra Blaze for trades) #PokemonGo
December 5, 2025 at 1:15 PM
The gang's all here (plus an extra Blaze for trades) #PokemonGo
Got the combat Tauros, almost had a fucking heart attack because it wouldn't let me in the raid at first and I had to reload the app three times but I made it. I need a nap now. #PokemonGo
December 5, 2025 at 11:37 AM
Got the combat Tauros, almost had a fucking heart attack because it wouldn't let me in the raid at first and I had to reload the app three times but I made it. I need a nap now. #PokemonGo
Tauros update: it is 4 AM and I'm 57 in line, fuck this LOL
December 5, 2025 at 10:19 AM
Tauros update: it is 4 AM and I'm 57 in line, fuck this LOL
Flex your best ever lucky trade. I'll start. (When I tell you I SCREAMPT when those IVs hit.) #PokemonGo
December 5, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Flex your best ever lucky trade. I'll start. (When I tell you I SCREAMPT when those IVs hit.) #PokemonGo
Tauros raids are closed and I'm number 250 in line. Looking like a "middle of the night" situation! Eew!
December 4, 2025 at 9:26 PM
Tauros raids are closed and I'm number 250 in line. Looking like a "middle of the night" situation! Eew!
Things South Korea seems to do way better than the US:
Television show set design
Skincare
Pop music
Ousting dictatorial presidents
Television show set design
Skincare
Pop music
Ousting dictatorial presidents
December 4, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Things South Korea seems to do way better than the US:
Television show set design
Skincare
Pop music
Ousting dictatorial presidents
Television show set design
Skincare
Pop music
Ousting dictatorial presidents
Down to 700 people for combat Tauros!
a man in a suit and tie says oh my god okay it 's happening ..
ALT: a man in a suit and tie says oh my god okay it 's happening ..
media.tenor.com
December 4, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Down to 700 people for combat Tauros!
I'm so happy to finally be at an age where if I say "I'm feeling nauseous," people don't gasp "ARE YOU PREGNANT?" They just assume (probably correctly) that I have an ulcer.
December 4, 2025 at 2:14 PM
I'm so happy to finally be at an age where if I say "I'm feeling nauseous," people don't gasp "ARE YOU PREGNANT?" They just assume (probably correctly) that I have an ulcer.
Update to my Combat Tauros queue: it's finally moving. Down to about 1400. Hopefully I'll get this today! #PokemonGo
December 4, 2025 at 2:09 PM
Update to my Combat Tauros queue: it's finally moving. Down to about 1400. Hopefully I'll get this today! #PokemonGo
There's a form of Tauros that is exclusive to the Iberian peninsula. Joined the remote raid queue this morning (3500 in line). I am now number 2700 in line. I remain optimistic that I will get it before the weekend! (Also if you are on the Iberian peninsula and wish to help, LMK!) #PokemonGo
December 3, 2025 at 2:29 AM
There's a form of Tauros that is exclusive to the Iberian peninsula. Joined the remote raid queue this morning (3500 in line). I am now number 2700 in line. I remain optimistic that I will get it before the weekend! (Also if you are on the Iberian peninsula and wish to help, LMK!) #PokemonGo
Reposted by Clare (The Amazon)
Nature Begins Reclaiming Chuck Grassley
December 1, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Nature Begins Reclaiming Chuck Grassley
Commentator: My Washington Commanders have allowed the most yards per pass attempt of any team this season...
Me: That's a sad statement, huh? "My team allows more yards than a drunk homeowners association."
Me: That's a sad statement, huh? "My team allows more yards than a drunk homeowners association."
December 1, 2025 at 1:06 AM
Commentator: My Washington Commanders have allowed the most yards per pass attempt of any team this season...
Me: That's a sad statement, huh? "My team allows more yards than a drunk homeowners association."
Me: That's a sad statement, huh? "My team allows more yards than a drunk homeowners association."
My deck's got a good 8-10" 🍆🍆🍆
November 29, 2025 at 8:06 PM
My deck's got a good 8-10" 🍆🍆🍆
I don't even know what an autopen is, and at this point I'm afraid to ask.
November 29, 2025 at 12:58 AM
I don't even know what an autopen is, and at this point I'm afraid to ask.
The warnings about tonight's (and tomorrow's) winter storm are absolutely apocalyptic, which in Iowa means we'll either get
1) a dusting of snow, or
2) so many inches that John Holmes will roll over in his friggin' grave
1) a dusting of snow, or
2) so many inches that John Holmes will roll over in his friggin' grave
November 28, 2025 at 10:08 PM
The warnings about tonight's (and tomorrow's) winter storm are absolutely apocalyptic, which in Iowa means we'll either get
1) a dusting of snow, or
2) so many inches that John Holmes will roll over in his friggin' grave
1) a dusting of snow, or
2) so many inches that John Holmes will roll over in his friggin' grave
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: if you are several pounds heavier than usual today, it's because yesterday you probably had at least double your usual carbs and probably quintuple+ your usual sodium. You didn't gain five pounds of fat in one day. You are bloated as hell. That's okay. Drink water.
November 28, 2025 at 1:51 PM
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: if you are several pounds heavier than usual today, it's because yesterday you probably had at least double your usual carbs and probably quintuple+ your usual sodium. You didn't gain five pounds of fat in one day. You are bloated as hell. That's okay. Drink water.
It wouldn't be Thanksgiving if I didn't drunkenly monologue about
1) why I love green bean casserole
2) why I actually PREFER when nobody else likes it (more for me)
3) how if my lot in life is to eat ALL the green bean casserole within 24 hours every single year, then that's the cross I'll bear
1) why I love green bean casserole
2) why I actually PREFER when nobody else likes it (more for me)
3) how if my lot in life is to eat ALL the green bean casserole within 24 hours every single year, then that's the cross I'll bear
November 27, 2025 at 9:17 PM
It wouldn't be Thanksgiving if I didn't drunkenly monologue about
1) why I love green bean casserole
2) why I actually PREFER when nobody else likes it (more for me)
3) how if my lot in life is to eat ALL the green bean casserole within 24 hours every single year, then that's the cross I'll bear
1) why I love green bean casserole
2) why I actually PREFER when nobody else likes it (more for me)
3) how if my lot in life is to eat ALL the green bean casserole within 24 hours every single year, then that's the cross I'll bear
Husband at 12 PM: The turkey will be done in 90 minutes
Husband at 2:40 PM: UGH WHY DID YOU PUT THE CASSEROLES IN SO EARLY, THE TURKEY WON'T BE DONE FOR AN HOUR
Husband at 2:40 PM: UGH WHY DID YOU PUT THE CASSEROLES IN SO EARLY, THE TURKEY WON'T BE DONE FOR AN HOUR
November 27, 2025 at 8:42 PM
Husband at 12 PM: The turkey will be done in 90 minutes
Husband at 2:40 PM: UGH WHY DID YOU PUT THE CASSEROLES IN SO EARLY, THE TURKEY WON'T BE DONE FOR AN HOUR
Husband at 2:40 PM: UGH WHY DID YOU PUT THE CASSEROLES IN SO EARLY, THE TURKEY WON'T BE DONE FOR AN HOUR
Happy Thanksgiving! I had turtle cheesecake for breakfast and will have red wine before noon.
November 27, 2025 at 3:03 PM
Happy Thanksgiving! I had turtle cheesecake for breakfast and will have red wine before noon.
There are certain photos of Karoline Leavitt where you can practically see exactly where she gets all the botox injections.
November 26, 2025 at 6:55 PM
There are certain photos of Karoline Leavitt where you can practically see exactly where she gets all the botox injections.
Look at this beautiful boy I caught at a Dynamax battle today 😍😍😍 (ICYW he will become a Sylveon) #PokemonGo
November 24, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Look at this beautiful boy I caught at a Dynamax battle today 😍😍😍 (ICYW he will become a Sylveon) #PokemonGo
I just had an idea so brilliant and so capitalist that I am SHOCKED it hasn't been attempted before. Imagine if McDonald's paid Peyton Manning (or his modern equivalent...Pat Mahomes, I guess) five million bucks per year just to name all of his audibles after McDonald's menu items. 1/2
November 24, 2025 at 1:26 AM
I just had an idea so brilliant and so capitalist that I am SHOCKED it hasn't been attempted before. Imagine if McDonald's paid Peyton Manning (or his modern equivalent...Pat Mahomes, I guess) five million bucks per year just to name all of his audibles after McDonald's menu items. 1/2
Pokemon Go has me baffled, last week they had Togedemaru in one-star raids but now they're in THREE-star raids, like what is THAT about, I'm pretty sure this is inflation, THANKS OBAMA
(Please don't @ me, I stand by *always* mocking conservatives who still blame Obama for everything)
(Please don't @ me, I stand by *always* mocking conservatives who still blame Obama for everything)
November 23, 2025 at 7:39 PM
Pokemon Go has me baffled, last week they had Togedemaru in one-star raids but now they're in THREE-star raids, like what is THAT about, I'm pretty sure this is inflation, THANKS OBAMA
(Please don't @ me, I stand by *always* mocking conservatives who still blame Obama for everything)
(Please don't @ me, I stand by *always* mocking conservatives who still blame Obama for everything)
Look, I'm not an unreasonable person. If Trump reverses every stupid political "maneuver" he has done, I am willing to call it the Gulf of America. Hell, if he calls off ICE and gives us abortion back, I'll call it the Gulf of Trump.
November 22, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Look, I'm not an unreasonable person. If Trump reverses every stupid political "maneuver" he has done, I am willing to call it the Gulf of America. Hell, if he calls off ICE and gives us abortion back, I'll call it the Gulf of Trump.