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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 19h

Dr. Duncan P. Dour, in his tireless pursuit of the #Verve Quotient, worked with the grim determination of a man attempting to capture a sunbeam in a thunderstorm—with a lightning bottle. His proto-laboratory—a converted glitter-bomb shelter beneath a cupcake shop—sparkled with optimism.

#vss365

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 1d

I often stay up late at night and wonder if Cheetos are packed in more Cheetos. I don't stay up that late—maybe nine or ten. I also wonder what would happen if I did stay up late, like ten-thirty or eleven. I'd probably have another one of those Cheetos hallucinations. I should stop eating in bed.

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 1d

Today’s #vssdaily word is #leather; thus, I offer this attribute, humbly set forth as a proper #vssdaily tale for the occasion. It is, I assure you, the truth—and should I speak falsehood, may these weathered, leathern hands be stitched and bound in #leather itself. But not too tight.

Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 1d

Hand-stitched, leatherbound—
in stitched #leather hands are bound—
what’s made learns to bind

#HaikuFeels #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #WriteSky #writing #poem

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 1d

It could be four cheese pizza rolls, and that's hearty enough for any, I say. I add only this: be wary of the sodium count. Right now, there's only one sodium, because I check the Periodic Table, periodically, and the last time I checked, sodium was only up there once.

#writing #verse #banter

Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 1d

The liberated teen tossed his graduation cap skyward, declaring emancipation from high school. Two hours later, he declared himself a #libertine of leisure—wine replaced with energy drinks, orgies with video game marathons. Freedom was unlimited access to TikTok and four-cheese pizza rolls.

#vss365

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 1d

Hand-stitched, leatherbound—
in stitched #leather hands are bound—
what’s made learns to bind

#HaikuFeels #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #WriteSky #writing #poem

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 1d

#Canadian #geese
patrol the great northern skies—
moose ready their charge.

#HaikuFeels #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #WriteSky #writing #poem

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 1d

Hades stirs his tea,
storms brew in Stygian #haze.
He adds more sugar.

#HaikuFeels #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #WriteSky #writing #poem

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 1d

The liberated teen tossed his graduation cap skyward, declaring emancipation from high school. Two hours later, he declared himself a #libertine of leisure—wine replaced with energy drinks, orgies with video game marathons. Freedom was unlimited access to TikTok and four-cheese pizza rolls.

#vss365

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 2d

Curdle Dee and #Curdle Dum
mixed chocolate milk with navy rum—
explaining, in one full sentence clear,
the hasty end to their bartending career.

#HaikuFeels #verse #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #WriteSky #writing

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 2d

When the rent cheque bounced,
she tripped and fell—owing to
a lack of #balance.

#HaikuFeels #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #WritingPrompts #WriteSky #writing

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 2d

Each week, a new #ghost;
each time, a mask-wearing crook—
except… that one time.

#HaikuFeels #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #WritingPrompts #WriteSky #writing #scoobydoo

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 3d

When the bivalves become bipedal, run!

And when a giant clam is closing fast, that's its shell—not just shutting, but snapping with kinetic intent, like a bear trap built by Poseidon. The giant clam isn't getting closer. It can't close fast. Holy shit, the giant bipedal bivalve is closing fast!

Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 3d

I remember the clam trap trope from the #comics, but not Aquaman.

#Aquaman would've said something to the giant clam, and it would've groaned and opened—but you caught a glimpse of a giant pearl... and now it's closing back up.

"My leg — it's caught! Some kind of... clam? It's closing — fast!"

Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 3d

This is a classic clam trap trope. Tridacna gigas is the giant clam that clamps shut on the diver's foot; the hero usually has to jam in a spear made of coral or use their puny blade.

Greg, I told you—if you need to pry your leg out of a giant clam with only a diving knife, go with the USN Mark V.

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 3d

I remember the clam trap trope from the #comics, but not Aquaman.

#Aquaman would've said something to the giant clam, and it would've groaned and opened—but you caught a glimpse of a giant pearl... and now it's closing back up.

"My leg — it's caught! Some kind of... clam? It's closing — fast!"

Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 3d

This is a classic clam trap trope. Tridacna gigas is the giant clam that clamps shut on the diver's foot; the hero usually has to jam in a spear made of coral or use their puny blade.

Greg, I told you—if you need to pry your leg out of a giant clam with only a diving knife, go with the USN Mark V.

Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 5d

When the #Costco crate clamped on my #beard, I was immediately transported back to the time when a giant Tridacna gigas performed a similar act of intimacy upon my right leg in the Bismarck Archipelago.
The natives called it "The Mouth of God," though at the time I had less theological appreciation.

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 3d

This is a classic clam trap trope. Tridacna gigas is the giant clam that clamps shut on the diver's foot; the hero usually has to jam in a spear made of coral or use their puny blade.

Greg, I told you—if you need to pry your leg out of a giant clam with only a diving knife, go with the USN Mark V.

Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 5d

When the #Costco crate clamped on my #beard, I was immediately transported back to the time when a giant Tridacna gigas performed a similar act of intimacy upon my right leg in the Bismarck Archipelago.
The natives called it "The Mouth of God," though at the time I had less theological appreciation.

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 3d

I refused the lands because lands require stewards,
and stewards use titles,
and titles make one stand out,
which would suit me ill.

Thus I refused the lands to avoid the stewards,
the stewards to avoid the titles,
the titles to avoid standing out—
which ill suits me perfectly.

2/2 #vssdaily

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 3d

Why did you refuse the lands and title? The Queen's offer was generous. By royal #grant they were offered, and by common sense, should have been accepted.

I refused the title
because titles make names longer than they need be,
and they make one stand out,
which suits me ill.

1/2 #vssdaily #vss365

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 3d

How did you manage to eff this up? The plan was ineffable—ineffable—and yet somehow, you made it effable. One of the greatest eff-ups of all time. I can’t think of another occasion when an #ineffable strategy was so thoroughly effed that it redefined the very concept of ineffability.

#blueskyrelay

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 3d

They're selling #relics
splinters of the one True Cross
sin now, pay later.

#HaikuFeels #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #WritingPrompts #WriteSky #writing

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 3d

Stairs into #avoid
my descent into madness
abysmal missteps

#HaikuFeels #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #WritingPrompts #WriteSky #writing

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 4d

This is why I graciously accepted my steaming hot horse's apology that stomping my empty coffee Thermos into the turf repeatedly was only an accident, and Bob was actually trying to avoid it unsuccessfully seventeen times.

#prose 2/2 #writing #freeverse #nanofiction #microfiction

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 4d

I know it's only coffee, but I won't drink and drive. The last time I spilled coffee on my lap was never, because the limousine didn't have a bar—not anymore, at least. Although once I spilled steaming hot Nabob on my horse Neigh Bob, and Bob, now he weren't too happy about that.

#prose 1/2

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 4d

I'm still really quite upset Café Overlord™: The Barista Management Experience, isn't available on Steam.

Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 4d

The #wind instruments
chose to play Classical Gas
as the air grew foul.

#HaikuFeels #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #WritingPrompts #WriteSky #writing

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 4d

Ember-footed #crow,
broods o'er the wan Cheeto—
fate in quiet beak.

#HaikuFeels #DailyHaikuPrompt #Senryu #Haiku #HaikuSky #HaikuChallenge #Poetry #MicroPoetry #PoetryCommunity #WritingCommunity #WritingPrompts #WriteSky #writing

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Dale Tudge? Humor! @daletudgehumor.bsky.social · 4d

An #associate is a friend who knows it's time to put on their associate hat when they are introduced to a third party as "my associate."

And by the third party, my associate and I are tipsy enough to find this sort of thing hilarious.

#vss365 #writing #vss #storytelling #humor #humour

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