LightNews LightNews
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
@daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
1.6K followers 120 following 340 posts
Writer/co-host of How to Survive with Danielle & Kristine
Posts Replies Media Videos
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
Please check out my new humor piece on Slackjaw!
medium.com/slackjaw/i-t...
I, Timothée Chalamet, Just Want To Play A Guy Who’s Not Good At Anything
My doctor would be ever so grateful
medium.com
January 20, 2026 at 10:31 PM
Reposted
howtosurvive.bsky.social
Today we’re learning How to Survive rehab and troubled teen programs with Charlie Nelson Jacobs!
January 20, 2026 at 10:29 PM
Reposted
statuscoupnews.bsky.social
🚨"This is nuts! What the f*ck is going on, this is insane! ICE is just trying to scare people; they tell you it's only immigrants—it's f*cking anybody!" -furious Minneapolis resident tells our @zdroberts.bsky.social after ICE shot a man in the leg tonight. LIVE NOW ⬇️
January 15, 2026 at 3:59 AM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
A lifetime in the making, this comedic piece I wrote for The Belladonna is near and dear to my waist, er, heart. Please to enjoy!

thebelladonnacomedy.com/im-your-extr...
I’m Your Extremely High-Waisted Pants and I’m Starting to Feel Neglected, Rachel
You’re a weak, torso-less coward.
thebelladonnacomedy.com
January 14, 2026 at 3:57 PM
Reposted
howtosurvive.bsky.social
Today we’re learning How to Survive a haunted house in Ojai!
How To Survive with Danielle & Kristine
Comedy Interviews Podcast · Updated Weekly · A comedy survival podcast about the disasters you fear, the chaos you don’t expect, and the daily hassles that make you wish you were dead. Hosts Danielle ...
podcasts.apple.com
January 13, 2026 at 4:01 PM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
Today we’re learning How to Survive Uber with Oliver Pardo!
January 6, 2026 at 3:42 PM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
In the past when we destabilized another country, we at least had the decency to lie about it being about oil.
January 5, 2026 at 3:27 AM
Reposted
howtosurvive.bsky.social
Today we’re learning How to Survive losing your voice and network censors with Gary Mann!
December 30, 2025 at 4:13 PM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
In response to the CIA drone strike on Venezuela, Maduro has called Trump “ a fargin ice hole”.
December 30, 2025 at 4:07 PM
Reposted
howtosurvive.bsky.social
Today we’re learning How to Survive being ill-prepared for life and Burning Man with @jordanmorris.bsky.social!
December 24, 2025 at 8:01 PM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
I made the Most Popular Posts on Chortle!
www.chortle.blog/p/our-10-mos...
Our 10 Most Popular Posts of 2025
A brief look back.
www.chortle.blog
December 19, 2025 at 8:21 PM
Reposted
craigcalcaterra.bsky.social
The Vanity Fair photographer from the Susie Wiles story.

Holy. Shit.

www.washingtonpost.com/style/power/...
Were there moments that you missed? Anything that happened that’s on the cutting room floor? I don’t think there’s anything I missed that I wish I’d gotten. I’ll give you a little anecdote: Stephen Miller was perhaps the most concerned about the portrait session. He asked me, “Should I smile or not smile?” and I said, “How would you want to be portrayed?” We agreed that we would do a bit of both. And then when we were finished, he comes up to me to shake my hand and say goodbye. And he says to me, “You know, you have a lot of power in the discretion you use to be kind to people.” And I looked at him and I said, “You know, you do, too.”
December 17, 2025 at 8:34 PM
Reposted
howtosurvive.bsky.social
Today we’re surviving white water rapids and working on the river with @dreaclark.bsky.social!
December 16, 2025 at 5:24 PM
Reposted
howtosurvive.bsky.social
Today we’re learning How to Survive sulfuric acid and a sulfur allergy with
Jeremy Bent!
@jeremybent.bsky.social!
December 9, 2025 at 6:43 PM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
🎵It’s beginning to look a lot like an e-meter reading!🎵
December 3, 2025 at 7:15 AM
Reposted
howtosurvive.bsky.social
Today we’re learning How to Survive Holiday Stress!
December 2, 2025 at 5:22 PM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
Is it “Son of Shithead”? Because, if so, I’m not surprised.
December 1, 2025 at 6:10 AM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
Happy Caturday. Am I doing this right?
November 29, 2025 at 10:52 PM
Reposted
jimmypardo.com
TOMORROW!!
Join Oliver Pardo and me for 90-120 minutes of stupidity!!
My Annual Virtual Holiday Show!

jimmypardo.simpletix.com
November 28, 2025 at 5:37 PM
Reposted
howtosurvive.bsky.social
Today we’re surviving a bad trip with Ilana Cohn Sullivan!
November 25, 2025 at 11:27 PM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
I have a new piece up at Belladonna! Please check it out.
belladonnacomedy.bsky.social The Belladonna Comedy @belladonnacomedy.bsky.social · Nov 25
“Why 17, you ask? Because it’s exactly all you’ll need for the rest of your life.”
By @daniellebkoenig.bsky.social

Full piece: thebelladonnacomedy.com/press-releas...
November 25, 2025 at 4:04 PM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
So we just need to say that one of the Epstein survivors won something, send her in to meet Trump and he’ll suddenly listen to her?
November 22, 2025 at 1:27 AM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
But first they’ll have to find her, as she lives in Canada and he met her at camp.

www.ms.now/news/kash-pa...
Kash Patel's girlfriend being protected by FBI SWAT agents as security perk
Agents on a detail with the country singer would presumably be unable to respond or delayed in responding to other incidents, according to sources.
www.ms.now
November 17, 2025 at 3:42 PM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
Totally wild that Jesse Eisenberg said no to the Zuckerberg sequel but signed up for a third Now You See Me film.
November 16, 2025 at 7:49 AM
daniellebkoenig.bsky.social
How soon before she turns that puppy out?

www.usatoday.com/story/news/p...
Custom meals, puppy time among Ghislaine Maxwell's alleged prison benefits, Raskin says
Rep. Jamie Raskin said Ghislaine Maxwell is getting special treatment in prison, including time with a puppy.
www.usatoday.com
November 12, 2025 at 3:49 PM