femboy will riker
LightNews LightNews
banner
dildomancy.bsky.social
femboy will riker
@dildomancy.bsky.social
66 followers 77 following 1K posts
(not the actor)

under 18 dni
Posts Replies Media Videos
Pinned
dildomancy.bsky.social
femboy will riker @dildomancy.bsky.social · Oct 12
Throwing popcorn at you and booing because your take was so bad
Reposted by femboy will riker
looknstr8grzzly.bsky.social
About to risk it all at Thanksgiving
November 30, 2025 at 9:14 PM
dildomancy.bsky.social
Feel like im visiting a celebrity's hometown
November 30, 2025 at 9:15 PM
Reposted by femboy will riker
funkelly.bsky.social
DONT TAKE SKYRIZZI IF YOURE ALLERGIC TO SKYRIZZI YOU SIMPLETON YOU ABSOLUTE FOOL
November 30, 2025 at 12:56 AM
dildomancy.bsky.social
been drawing birds for fun and possibly profit
November 29, 2025 at 9:35 PM
dildomancy.bsky.social
getting excited about the birds that hang out in the Costco parking lot
female brewers blackbird Male brewers blackbird
November 29, 2025 at 9:04 PM
Reposted by femboy will riker
themountaingoats.bsky.social
I'm a person who just reaches for something to read at any given time. my conscious mind won't register that the paper I've grabbed is the Onion and I'll be reading and suddenly go "wait what" because the headline is e.g. "Federal Hemp Ban Threatens Local Guy’s Whole Deal." subscription recommended
bencollins.bsky.social Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social · 2d
Hi everybody,

It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.

Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.

This is, somehow, feasible.

So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
membership.theonion.com
November 29, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Reposted by femboy will riker
bencollins.bsky.social
Here's a note I sent to our members about what we did with their money, and why we expect the Onion to outgrow the Washington Post.

We keep doing weird, hard shit — taunting ICE, yelling at Congress for not taunting ICE, buying bad websites — when nobody else does.

Our members keep getting papers.
Hey there Onion members, This is Ben Collins, CEO of America’s Finest News Source™. I am writing today, as we have arrived at a precipice in American life, to thank you. Our government is employing masked oafs to kidnap our neighbors, ziptie our children, and play Call of Duty: Burger King Edition in several American cities. The White House, otherwise occupied with taping an episode of HGTV’s “Help I Wrecked My House,” is hellbent on politically mandated starvation of the indigent. Worst of all, America’s airwaves have been taken over by dull throbbing moans only recently identified by scientists as something known as “Morgan Wallen.” In short, it is not a good time out there, and our captured media has been too scared to call that out. But, because of you, none of that is true at The Onion. For reasons we don’t like or understand, our work has become increasingly important. You and your contribution over the last year have allowed The Onion to thrive in this precarious moment — to take risks and to say sentences mere moments before those thoughts become criminalized. We need your help in the next year to bolster that fight as things get precipitously worse. Because of your support, The Onion is now the 11th-most distributed newspaper in the United States, sandwiched between The Boston Globe and The Chicago Tribune. In the next year, our goal is to crack the top 10, and to surpass the circulation of the propaganda project of a notorious space pervert, Jeff Bezos and The Washington Post. We’re confident we can reach this goal with your help. Unlike other publications, which all appear to have a fetish for caving to an increasingly maniacal and unpopular authoritarian government, The Onion remains unafraid to print the truth, straightforwardly and without favor. Due to your patronage in the last year, we have: Published 13 newspapers since the relaunch of our print edition in September of 2024. Over the summer, by popular demand, we increased the size of the paper by half. Took out a full-page advertisement in the New York Times “calling upon lawmakers in Congress to sit back and do absolutely nothing,” then sent this op-ed to every member of the House and Senate and all 54,000 of our subscribers. Thankfully, they took our advice, and now people are starving. Drove the Onion Newsvan in front of protests and ICE detention centers, blaring headlines about ICE’s one true love: teargassing elementary schools. Released Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile in over 40 cities across North America and later on YouTube, and let independent theatres keep the ticket sales. It’s still unclear if we can write this off. And, a year ago this week, we successfully bid on InfoWars at a bankruptcy auction, before the judgment was overturned by a judge for — and I’m paraphrasing here — being too cool. Yes, despite a legal bill that rivals the GDP of West Virginia, we are continuing work to acquire InfoWars and evolve it into an galactically sized depot of lies, scams, and miracle cures for all of the world’s awesome new and untracked illnesses. The Supreme Court — yes, this Supreme Court — denied Alex Jones’ appeal just last month, a last gasp at evading justice, and we’re hoping this clears a path to reinventing the dumbest site on the internet very soon. So ahead of this holiday season, please consider subscribing to The Onion for yourself, your friends, your parents, or your infant. People love getting something great in the mail every month amidst their requisite bills and death threats. Look, we’re an independent company, we don’t use AI to write headlines and make art, and we’re one of roughly three publications who are up for the fight. Unlike other places, The Onion is quadrupling down on being a pain in the ass, politically. Are you? If so, I hope you’ll continue to be an Onion member, get the paper, and help us deliver ulcers to those who deserve it. Thank you, and Tu Stultus Es, Ben Collins CEO | The Onion
November 28, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Reposted by femboy will riker
devoteddruid.bsky.social
Finished cottage pie, dick's stuffing, bo ssam w/ the fixins :)
November 28, 2025 at 1:01 AM
Reposted by femboy will riker
carmyn.zone
ah here he comes that soon of a gun that cat that Garfield that gigantic thing
November 27, 2025 at 2:50 PM
dildomancy.bsky.social
November 27, 2025 at 8:49 PM
Reposted by femboy will riker
keelin12ft.bsky.social
Happy Thanksgiving
A four-panel meme from the animated show King of the Hill. In the first panel, John Redcorn, an indigenous man, responds “Yes?” while looking at a blond boy Bobby Hill in a classroom. In the second panel, Bobby looks confused and asks, “Are you sure it’s the white man who did all that stuff?” The third panel shows Bobby gesturing toward himself and saying, “Because I come from white people,” and the fourth panel continues with him saying, “and this is the first I’m hearing of it.”
November 27, 2025 at 2:23 PM
dildomancy.bsky.social
thank u kenji for keeping seattle weird
November 26, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Reposted by femboy will riker
dasharez0ne.bsky.social
YES - dashare.zone ADMIN
A SKELATEN CONFRONTEN A TINY "H.R" PERSON AND THERE SAYING " YES YOU MAY ASK ABOUT THE GAP IN MY RESUME ,I WAS CHILLEN, AND NOW IM OUT OF MONEY MONTHER FUCKER " DONT ASK ME WHY I WANT TO WORK AT YOUR PLACE!!! I OBVIOUSLY WANT TO WORK THERE BECAUSE I LIVE UNDER THE IRON GRIP OF A SYSTEM THAT PUNISHES THOSE WHO DO NOT PRODUCE SURPLUS VALUE FOR ITS OWNERS!!! WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!!! GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE OF HOW I OVERCOMED ADVERSITY AT WORK HOW ABOUT EVERY MORNING MOTHER FUCKER - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN
November 26, 2025 at 9:06 PM
dildomancy.bsky.social
Yall ever be sarcastic to the wrong person and have to birthday boy for ur fuckin life
November 26, 2025 at 7:44 PM
dildomancy.bsky.social
unrelated to my previous post but I can tell I've been playing too much ZA pvp because I had a nightmare that was like the metalhead episode of black mirror but instead of robot dogs it was xerneas goring people to death
November 26, 2025 at 7:34 PM
dildomancy.bsky.social
friends is it bad if you tell your psychiatrist about a problem and she laughs and says "wow you're the only person who has that"
November 26, 2025 at 7:30 PM
dildomancy.bsky.social
Anyone know how long you have to be on T to stop sounding like two kids in a trench coat trying to buy beer
November 24, 2025 at 6:12 AM
dildomancy.bsky.social
reboot austin powers
November 23, 2025 at 5:37 AM
dildomancy.bsky.social
best part of ZA is you can refuse to talk to cops. but she does plant "mints" on you afterwards
November 23, 2025 at 5:34 AM
dildomancy.bsky.social
Judy Hopp being a uniformed police officer was tonedeaf in 2016 and things haven't exactly improved
November 23, 2025 at 5:29 AM
Reposted by femboy will riker
averycutedog.bsky.social
i open the door to greet my boyfriend and almost immediately i'm hit with "judy hopps is the gal gadot of the furry fandom"
November 22, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Reposted by femboy will riker
draggro.bsky.social
A cassette tape of Soundgarden's single Black Hole Sun, by the blurry face and hands originally there have been crudely replaced with the face and hands of Hanna-Barbera character Brak. The title has been similarly backsides l vandalized to replace the word "BLACK" with "BRAK".
November 22, 2025 at 11:17 PM
dildomancy.bsky.social
Mega frost ass is A+++ design, she's so cool
November 23, 2025 at 3:06 AM
dildomancy.bsky.social
Thinking abt how the captain was born with anime eyes
November 22, 2025 at 11:17 PM