We are six months into 2026 and it's still January.
January 9, 2026 at 9:38 PM
We are six months into 2026 and it's still January.
I can’t join ICE because, tragically, my parents weren’t related.
I can’t join ICE because my chin is separate from my neck 😔
I can’t join ICE because I once gave a woman an orgasm 😔
January 9, 2026 at 8:48 PM
I can’t join ICE because, tragically, my parents weren’t related.
In hindsight, “blow my back out” was the wrong thing to say to the chiropractor.
January 9, 2026 at 8:08 PM
In hindsight, “blow my back out” was the wrong thing to say to the chiropractor.
[flirting] I have ibuprofen if you need.
January 9, 2026 at 2:16 AM
[flirting] I have ibuprofen if you need.
I’m skipping every review of Starfleet Academy and the toxic fandom until I’ve seen it myself.
January 9, 2026 at 12:59 AM
I’m skipping every review of Starfleet Academy and the toxic fandom until I’ve seen it myself.
Butts have the same effect on me that laser pointers have on cats.
January 8, 2026 at 9:15 PM
Butts have the same effect on me that laser pointers have on cats.
You shouldn’t have to go to work if your dog doesn’t want you to.
January 8, 2026 at 4:08 PM
You shouldn’t have to go to work if your dog doesn’t want you to.
I just wanted to share one of my favorite books from childhood.
January 8, 2026 at 2:56 AM
I just wanted to share one of my favorite books from childhood.
We are, apparently, in the seventh year of 2020.
January 8, 2026 at 12:13 AM
We are, apparently, in the seventh year of 2020.
This Twain quote has felt particularly relevant recently.
January 7, 2026 at 9:50 PM
This Twain quote has felt particularly relevant recently.
A friend got me a welcome gift for my new office. Captain on the bridge.
January 7, 2026 at 4:30 PM
A friend got me a welcome gift for my new office. Captain on the bridge.
Normalize Costco dates.
January 6, 2026 at 10:39 PM
Normalize Costco dates.
Chicagoans: we gain almost an hour of daylight over the next month.
January 6, 2026 at 12:47 AM
Chicagoans: we gain almost an hour of daylight over the next month.
"As fuck" is my favorite unit of measurement.
January 5, 2026 at 8:33 PM
"As fuck" is my favorite unit of measurement.
Opening Teams this morning.
January 5, 2026 at 3:33 PM
Opening Teams this morning.
The lull between "too late for a movie" and "too early for bed" feels like an eternity.
January 5, 2026 at 3:16 AM
The lull between "too late for a movie" and "too early for bed" feels like an eternity.
Happy 33rd anniversary to Deep Space Nine.
January 4, 2026 at 4:28 AM
Happy 33rd anniversary to Deep Space Nine.
Share a cartoon you will always love
January 4, 2026 at 3:25 AM
Share a cartoon you will always love
Such a dick move to let all your friends forge powerful rings—then secretly forge one even more powerful just for yourself.
January 3, 2026 at 10:56 PM
Such a dick move to let all your friends forge powerful rings—then secretly forge one even more powerful just for yourself.
At some point, I started having an opinion about how my groceries are bagged — and I don’t like it.
January 3, 2026 at 6:29 PM
At some point, I started having an opinion about how my groceries are bagged — and I don’t like it.
I choked on a gummy bear and my nipples got hard. I’ll bring this up in therapy.
January 3, 2026 at 12:51 AM
I choked on a gummy bear and my nipples got hard. I’ll bring this up in therapy.
2026 needs more 80's synth.
The Human League - Don't You Want Me (Official Music Video)
YouTube video by TheHumanLeagueVEVO
www.youtube.com
January 2, 2026 at 9:37 PM
2026 needs more 80's synth.
Gentlemen, we have gathered here today in this yard to discuss my milkshake.
January 2, 2026 at 6:29 PM
Gentlemen, we have gathered here today in this yard to discuss my milkshake.