Apparently the Dad & Son Detective Agency solved the case of who ate the missing dark chocolate (it was me) and they have put me in jail (in my room with a beer and my phone) and won’t let me out until bedtime (oh darn)

7: I met a new teacher today!
Me: What do they teach?
7: Um… I don’t know but I became her friend today!
Me: What’s her name?
7: Well… I don’t exactly know but she told me but I forgot because I had a very long day making her pictures of microphones with rainbows on them.

I took Dramamine so I could possibly read in the car without getting carsick. Did I remember it makes me incredibly drowsy? Nope!

I woke up to find my child drawing broken hearts all over himself in pen. I asked him why he was doing that, and he said “My heart is so sad because you didn’t feed me yet.” It was 6:22 am.

Am I neurotic or does everyone have to have a tin of candy in their purse at all times

Get your spooky season terminology in order!

If it doesn't have a spout, it isn't a gargoyle. It's a grotesque.
A casket has four sides; a coffin has six.
A graveyard is attached to a church and a cemetery is free standing.

🎃The More You Know🎃

no one:
not one:

me: was the sleepytime bear fairly compensated for the use of his image or was he already dead

Please send me pictures that make me feel like this

Image credit: Randi Lynn Reed instagram.com/randilynnreedillustration

I can't explain it, but the first kids in snowpants going swishswishswish nearly brings me to tears. It's so pure!

We are the sons of the monsters you couldn’t mash

Y’all I don’t think I’m winning but I’m not sure

I hope wherever you are tonight looks as beautiful as this.

Something I am very grateful for is that my grandfather, who I didn’t see much as a child, reached out to me when I was an adult. Instead of being worried that it was odd or just saying that we weren’t close, he started building a bridge to me.

Finished reading My Side of the Mountain to 7 tonight. As Sam hugs his mom at the end, 7 began to cry and said, “It’s so happy it’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard!”

Buried my son’s pet hamster today. Watching him clumsily braiding blades of grass into a “friendship bracelet” to lay on the tiny grave was such a sweet, sad, human thing to witness.

You know what’s even better than waking up on picture day to your child screaming because he slammed his face into the corner of his dresser? Knowing that after school you have to tell him his hamster died!