Dan Fritschie
@fritschiecomic.bsky.social
Comedian, writer, narrowly regarded as a condescending asshole.
Apparently, under bar lighting, I look like I'm 60. In related news, fucking ouch!
December 31, 2025 at 3:06 AM
Apparently, under bar lighting, I look like I'm 60. In related news, fucking ouch!
I went a little too hard on the ab crunches this morning, and just now when I sneezed, I think I pulled my soul.
December 30, 2025 at 9:49 PM
I went a little too hard on the ab crunches this morning, and just now when I sneezed, I think I pulled my soul.
Is there someone sort of calorie burning advantage to working out in a hoodie with the hood up? Because I just saw like 6 guys at the gym like that, and I was like, "What are you guys trying for, a bank heist? Because if so... I'm in. That's been on my bucket list for a WHILE."
December 30, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Is there someone sort of calorie burning advantage to working out in a hoodie with the hood up? Because I just saw like 6 guys at the gym like that, and I was like, "What are you guys trying for, a bank heist? Because if so... I'm in. That's been on my bucket list for a WHILE."
I was gonna wait until the finale went live to watch season 5 of Stranger Things, but I went ahead and got caught up today because an open micer last night decided to spoil it during their set. I was pleasantly surprised to find out the guy last night described what happened VERY poorly.
December 30, 2025 at 12:42 AM
I was gonna wait until the finale went live to watch season 5 of Stranger Things, but I went ahead and got caught up today because an open micer last night decided to spoil it during their set. I was pleasantly surprised to find out the guy last night described what happened VERY poorly.
Weird how they've managed to breed hotter peppers, but no one's been able to breed cooler mint. Perhaps their efforts are being suppressed by Big Altoid.
December 26, 2025 at 4:27 PM
Weird how they've managed to breed hotter peppers, but no one's been able to breed cooler mint. Perhaps their efforts are being suppressed by Big Altoid.
Half of all Ferrero Rochers have been eaten out of embarrassment for failing to pronounce Ferrero Rocher properly.
"Ooh! Ferrerrerruh Rursh- Furrru... goddammit... just give me one."
"Ooh! Ferrerrerruh Rursh- Furrru... goddammit... just give me one."
December 25, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Half of all Ferrero Rochers have been eaten out of embarrassment for failing to pronounce Ferrero Rocher properly.
"Ooh! Ferrerrerruh Rursh- Furrru... goddammit... just give me one."
"Ooh! Ferrerrerruh Rursh- Furrru... goddammit... just give me one."
Merry Christmas, everyone! And to the type-A jagoff who first decided that every present needed to be wrapped, I hope you roast in hell.
December 25, 2025 at 5:19 AM
Merry Christmas, everyone! And to the type-A jagoff who first decided that every present needed to be wrapped, I hope you roast in hell.
The name's Structure... Dan Structure.
December 23, 2025 at 4:53 PM
The name's Structure... Dan Structure.
Hugh Jackman sings all of Neil Diamond's classic songs in the new film Even With God Level Charisma, This Is Pushing It.
December 23, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Hugh Jackman sings all of Neil Diamond's classic songs in the new film Even With God Level Charisma, This Is Pushing It.
Please, stop trying to make Chris Pratt a movie star. We're tired... So tired.
December 20, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Please, stop trying to make Chris Pratt a movie star. We're tired... So tired.
Let's all take a moment to appreciate the creative decision made in the Muppet Christmas Carol, where Kermit and Miss Piggy's offspring are two pigs and two frogs, and not four unholy pig/frog hybrid abominations.
Good call, Henson.
Good call, Henson.
December 20, 2025 at 12:28 AM
Let's all take a moment to appreciate the creative decision made in the Muppet Christmas Carol, where Kermit and Miss Piggy's offspring are two pigs and two frogs, and not four unholy pig/frog hybrid abominations.
Good call, Henson.
Good call, Henson.
One thing I've learned from watching True Crime content is, if your lawyer is wearing a suit like this, you're guilty as fuuuuuck.
December 19, 2025 at 8:22 PM
One thing I've learned from watching True Crime content is, if your lawyer is wearing a suit like this, you're guilty as fuuuuuck.
Dear person at my gym who has been eating what appears to be Flamin' Hot Cheetos on the walking track:
I dig your style. We should hang out.
Sincerely,
Me
I dig your style. We should hang out.
Sincerely,
Me
December 18, 2025 at 2:46 PM
Dear person at my gym who has been eating what appears to be Flamin' Hot Cheetos on the walking track:
I dig your style. We should hang out.
Sincerely,
Me
I dig your style. We should hang out.
Sincerely,
Me
The more I read about the Rob Reiner case, the more I think, why... Why... WHY COULDN'T IT GAVE BEEN JOHN LANDIS INSTEAD?
December 17, 2025 at 10:20 PM
The more I read about the Rob Reiner case, the more I think, why... Why... WHY COULDN'T IT GAVE BEEN JOHN LANDIS INSTEAD?
Honeydew melon always tastes like it just put in its two-week notice.
December 13, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Honeydew melon always tastes like it just put in its two-week notice.
I think it's crazy how the internet is the only communication tool where people think they should get a free pass for being a comple piece of shit. No one ever faxed someone the N-word and was like, "What, so you're judging me now?!? Unbelievable."
December 13, 2025 at 8:50 PM
I think it's crazy how the internet is the only communication tool where people think they should get a free pass for being a comple piece of shit. No one ever faxed someone the N-word and was like, "What, so you're judging me now?!? Unbelievable."
Hey, you know that part of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer where everyone goes "Like Monopoly"?
Yeah, I wrote that part.
YUH-HUH! I TOTALLY DID! YOU WEREN'T THERE!
Yeah, I wrote that part.
YUH-HUH! I TOTALLY DID! YOU WEREN'T THERE!
December 13, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Hey, you know that part of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer where everyone goes "Like Monopoly"?
Yeah, I wrote that part.
YUH-HUH! I TOTALLY DID! YOU WEREN'T THERE!
Yeah, I wrote that part.
YUH-HUH! I TOTALLY DID! YOU WEREN'T THERE!
This town ain't big enough for the two of us. Who the hell let us incorporate this broom closet?
December 13, 2025 at 12:33 AM
This town ain't big enough for the two of us. Who the hell let us incorporate this broom closet?
Reposted by Dan Fritschie
Paramount already has Landman. They can’t buy WB and get Aquaman too. That’s clearly unconstitutional.
December 12, 2025 at 4:24 AM
Paramount already has Landman. They can’t buy WB and get Aquaman too. That’s clearly unconstitutional.
The new Supergirl movie looks pretty good. Too bad it's gonna get review bombed to Hell by a bunch of insecure dorks who haven't seen a nipple up close since they were an infant.
December 12, 2025 at 3:13 AM
The new Supergirl movie looks pretty good. Too bad it's gonna get review bombed to Hell by a bunch of insecure dorks who haven't seen a nipple up close since they were an infant.
I don't know who needs to hear thIs, but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
December 11, 2025 at 7:18 PM
I don't know who needs to hear thIs, but AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
My gym is installing some new weight machines next week, which will give half the people here a great place to sit and text.
December 11, 2025 at 2:44 PM
My gym is installing some new weight machines next week, which will give half the people here a great place to sit and text.
I'm seeing fewer videos from influencers promoting raw milk, and more videos promoting colostrum. I feel like were about a year away from influencers reattaching their umbilical cords.
December 7, 2025 at 5:07 PM
I'm seeing fewer videos from influencers promoting raw milk, and more videos promoting colostrum. I feel like were about a year away from influencers reattaching their umbilical cords.
Pitching a real estate seminar while literally being in over your head was a bold choice there, Grant.
December 7, 2025 at 2:13 PM
Pitching a real estate seminar while literally being in over your head was a bold choice there, Grant.