hayden johnson
@haydenjohnsonn.bsky.social
running tits first into a wall as fast as i can
i love getting randomly added to an acquaintances close friends
like yesss diva your mom IS a huge bitch and yeah i do wanna hear 30 seconds of a song that reminds you of your ex
like yesss diva your mom IS a huge bitch and yeah i do wanna hear 30 seconds of a song that reminds you of your ex
November 25, 2025 at 5:02 AM
i love getting randomly added to an acquaintances close friends
like yesss diva your mom IS a huge bitch and yeah i do wanna hear 30 seconds of a song that reminds you of your ex
like yesss diva your mom IS a huge bitch and yeah i do wanna hear 30 seconds of a song that reminds you of your ex
it sucks that because of AI you can’t even believe pet videos anymore
it used to mean something when a dog used a jet ski to save a boy from a shark attack
it used to mean something when a dog used a jet ski to save a boy from a shark attack
November 24, 2025 at 10:02 PM
it sucks that because of AI you can’t even believe pet videos anymore
it used to mean something when a dog used a jet ski to save a boy from a shark attack
it used to mean something when a dog used a jet ski to save a boy from a shark attack
it’s hard being atheist with a catholic brain
like i don’t believe in god but i do believe getting on my knees for a man can fix my problems
like i don’t believe in god but i do believe getting on my knees for a man can fix my problems
November 23, 2025 at 8:23 PM
it’s hard being atheist with a catholic brain
like i don’t believe in god but i do believe getting on my knees for a man can fix my problems
like i don’t believe in god but i do believe getting on my knees for a man can fix my problems
every year it’s always “imagine how you would feel if you were the turkey!”
as if i haven’t been laid out on a table completely naked oiled up and spreading open my delicious hole for 12 people
as if i haven’t been laid out on a table completely naked oiled up and spreading open my delicious hole for 12 people
November 23, 2025 at 5:49 AM
every year it’s always “imagine how you would feel if you were the turkey!”
as if i haven’t been laid out on a table completely naked oiled up and spreading open my delicious hole for 12 people
as if i haven’t been laid out on a table completely naked oiled up and spreading open my delicious hole for 12 people
it’s time to play why isn’t cousin in the family photo
i’ve narrowed it down to jail, military,
or gay
i’ve narrowed it down to jail, military,
or gay
November 21, 2025 at 8:27 PM
it’s time to play why isn’t cousin in the family photo
i’ve narrowed it down to jail, military,
or gay
i’ve narrowed it down to jail, military,
or gay
they are doing a ginger party at the abbey and i just wanna say that i think it’s fucked up to rob people just because they have red hair
November 18, 2025 at 2:53 AM
they are doing a ginger party at the abbey and i just wanna say that i think it’s fucked up to rob people just because they have red hair
The AI chatbot Jesus is just like regular Jesus but instead of turning water into wine he turns water into water that if you drink it you die
November 17, 2025 at 6:48 PM
The AI chatbot Jesus is just like regular Jesus but instead of turning water into wine he turns water into water that if you drink it you die
everytime there’s a new reason to boycott starbucks i’m surprised how many people are resistant
they’re like noooo not my piss from the toilet! it’s fall! i need my big cup of pumpkin piss! i love paying $8 for my grande oatmilk piss with 3 shots of piss and extra piss foam!
they’re like noooo not my piss from the toilet! it’s fall! i need my big cup of pumpkin piss! i love paying $8 for my grande oatmilk piss with 3 shots of piss and extra piss foam!
November 15, 2025 at 9:28 PM
everytime there’s a new reason to boycott starbucks i’m surprised how many people are resistant
they’re like noooo not my piss from the toilet! it’s fall! i need my big cup of pumpkin piss! i love paying $8 for my grande oatmilk piss with 3 shots of piss and extra piss foam!
they’re like noooo not my piss from the toilet! it’s fall! i need my big cup of pumpkin piss! i love paying $8 for my grande oatmilk piss with 3 shots of piss and extra piss foam!
of course these AI developers think they’ll be able to mimic people’s personalities
their personality could be mimicked by a fucking doormat
their personality could be mimicked by a fucking doormat
November 14, 2025 at 11:25 PM
of course these AI developers think they’ll be able to mimic people’s personalities
their personality could be mimicked by a fucking doormat
their personality could be mimicked by a fucking doormat
i don’t know i guess i just feel like it’s really really easy to not be friends with the number one pedophile
November 13, 2025 at 5:21 PM
i don’t know i guess i just feel like it’s really really easy to not be friends with the number one pedophile
Reposted by hayden johnson
Heyo! I am producing this event in December and I'd love to see you there! @siridahl.com's First Thirst LIVE at the Elysian Theater on December 8th! @littlepuck.bsky.social will be there discussing her first pop culture crushes, as will @haydenjohnsonn.bsky.social and Big Tim Murphy!
First Thirst Live with Siri Dahl — The Elysian
Siri Dahl interviews comedians, performers and fellow industry friends about their first pop culture crushes! This month's guests will be Little Puck, Hayden Johnson and Big Tim Murphy! Buy Ti...
www.elysiantheater.com
November 12, 2025 at 8:03 PM
Heyo! I am producing this event in December and I'd love to see you there! @siridahl.com's First Thirst LIVE at the Elysian Theater on December 8th! @littlepuck.bsky.social will be there discussing her first pop culture crushes, as will @haydenjohnsonn.bsky.social and Big Tim Murphy!
it’s a real problem that the only people using gender neutral restrooms are transgender or about to take the craziest shit of their entire life
November 9, 2025 at 9:56 PM
it’s a real problem that the only people using gender neutral restrooms are transgender or about to take the craziest shit of their entire life
i love when a guy is like “socialism sounds nice but the math doesn’t add up”
it’s like brother you use chatgpt to make your grocery list you don’t even do kid math
it’s like brother you use chatgpt to make your grocery list you don’t even do kid math
November 6, 2025 at 10:41 PM
i love when a guy is like “socialism sounds nice but the math doesn’t add up”
it’s like brother you use chatgpt to make your grocery list you don’t even do kid math
it’s like brother you use chatgpt to make your grocery list you don’t even do kid math
you know they’ve got nancy pelosi up late right now trying to teach her tiktok dances
November 5, 2025 at 4:52 AM
you know they’ve got nancy pelosi up late right now trying to teach her tiktok dances
Shocked to hear about Dick Cheney’s passing, my condolences to his wife Pussy
November 4, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Shocked to hear about Dick Cheney’s passing, my condolences to his wife Pussy
i might be dressing to slutty because i was just walked by a hotel and this security guard said “don’t even think about coming in here”
i was walking to taco bell
i was walking to taco bell
October 27, 2025 at 5:19 AM
i might be dressing to slutty because i was just walked by a hotel and this security guard said “don’t even think about coming in here”
i was walking to taco bell
i was walking to taco bell
dog jesus:
i turned this wine into water from the sink
i turned this wine into water from the sink
October 26, 2025 at 7:29 PM
dog jesus:
i turned this wine into water from the sink
i turned this wine into water from the sink
these AI companion ads are really freaking me out
“your AI friend won’t interrupt you to use the bathroom”
“your AI friend won’t come over and eat all your snacks”
now i’m at my friend’s house hungry as hell covered in piss telling them they’re right about everything
“your AI friend won’t interrupt you to use the bathroom”
“your AI friend won’t come over and eat all your snacks”
now i’m at my friend’s house hungry as hell covered in piss telling them they’re right about everything
October 21, 2025 at 6:49 PM
these AI companion ads are really freaking me out
“your AI friend won’t interrupt you to use the bathroom”
“your AI friend won’t come over and eat all your snacks”
now i’m at my friend’s house hungry as hell covered in piss telling them they’re right about everything
“your AI friend won’t interrupt you to use the bathroom”
“your AI friend won’t come over and eat all your snacks”
now i’m at my friend’s house hungry as hell covered in piss telling them they’re right about everything
i think all protesting has its purpose but maybe next time the signs can be a bit more “abolish ice” or “free palestine”
instead of “trump is a big ugly gay guy who has a small fucking penis and loves drinking big buckets of cum! he might be hitler but even worse he is gay.”
instead of “trump is a big ugly gay guy who has a small fucking penis and loves drinking big buckets of cum! he might be hitler but even worse he is gay.”
October 19, 2025 at 5:04 PM
i think all protesting has its purpose but maybe next time the signs can be a bit more “abolish ice” or “free palestine”
instead of “trump is a big ugly gay guy who has a small fucking penis and loves drinking big buckets of cum! he might be hitler but even worse he is gay.”
instead of “trump is a big ugly gay guy who has a small fucking penis and loves drinking big buckets of cum! he might be hitler but even worse he is gay.”
cuomo going on logan paul’s podcast in an effort to win the “young people with no friends” vote
October 18, 2025 at 9:08 PM
cuomo going on logan paul’s podcast in an effort to win the “young people with no friends” vote
i love halloween because every year it gives closeted trans people the chance to experiment
closeted trans women go as female characters
closeted trans men go as male characters
and closeted non-binary people go as like the big spooky pumpkin person or whatever
closeted trans women go as female characters
closeted trans men go as male characters
and closeted non-binary people go as like the big spooky pumpkin person or whatever
October 17, 2025 at 6:19 PM
i love halloween because every year it gives closeted trans people the chance to experiment
closeted trans women go as female characters
closeted trans men go as male characters
and closeted non-binary people go as like the big spooky pumpkin person or whatever
closeted trans women go as female characters
closeted trans men go as male characters
and closeted non-binary people go as like the big spooky pumpkin person or whatever
AI is doing 24/7 surveillance, compiling watchlists, and causing kids irreversible emotional damage
AI is basically Santa if instead of milk and cookies he ate 4 billion gallons of water
AI is basically Santa if instead of milk and cookies he ate 4 billion gallons of water
October 17, 2025 at 5:33 AM
AI is doing 24/7 surveillance, compiling watchlists, and causing kids irreversible emotional damage
AI is basically Santa if instead of milk and cookies he ate 4 billion gallons of water
AI is basically Santa if instead of milk and cookies he ate 4 billion gallons of water
everytime zohran pops up he’s like
“we’re hosting a neighborhood soccer tournament to get new york’s communities engaged!”
and everytime cuomo pops up he’s like
“all italians are christopher columbus! mamdani’s disrespect for columbus is insulting! if mamdani wins, pasta will leave the city!”
“we’re hosting a neighborhood soccer tournament to get new york’s communities engaged!”
and everytime cuomo pops up he’s like
“all italians are christopher columbus! mamdani’s disrespect for columbus is insulting! if mamdani wins, pasta will leave the city!”
October 15, 2025 at 9:17 PM
everytime zohran pops up he’s like
“we’re hosting a neighborhood soccer tournament to get new york’s communities engaged!”
and everytime cuomo pops up he’s like
“all italians are christopher columbus! mamdani’s disrespect for columbus is insulting! if mamdani wins, pasta will leave the city!”
“we’re hosting a neighborhood soccer tournament to get new york’s communities engaged!”
and everytime cuomo pops up he’s like
“all italians are christopher columbus! mamdani’s disrespect for columbus is insulting! if mamdani wins, pasta will leave the city!”
they want to convince you that trans people live completely different lives than you, but that’s just not true!
we know this because by the time dylan got to like day 50 of girlhood she was like “okay so today we’re eating snacks”
we know this because by the time dylan got to like day 50 of girlhood she was like “okay so today we’re eating snacks”
October 11, 2025 at 8:31 PM
they want to convince you that trans people live completely different lives than you, but that’s just not true!
we know this because by the time dylan got to like day 50 of girlhood she was like “okay so today we’re eating snacks”
we know this because by the time dylan got to like day 50 of girlhood she was like “okay so today we’re eating snacks”
happy national coming out day to the first 8 guys i slept with, maybe this is the year!!!
October 11, 2025 at 5:14 PM
happy national coming out day to the first 8 guys i slept with, maybe this is the year!!!