HolyCrayons
@holycrayons.bsky.social
Geordie. Pyjamas. Some kids. You know the script.
I want to see that 'Pillion' movie starring the wonderful Alexander Skarsgård, unfortunately the chances of my getting pregnant immediately thereafter would be sky high.
a close up of a man 's face with the words oh it 's hot
ALT: a close up of a man 's face with the words oh it 's hot
media.tenor.com
November 29, 2025 at 11:44 AM
I want to see that 'Pillion' movie starring the wonderful Alexander Skarsgård, unfortunately the chances of my getting pregnant immediately thereafter would be sky high.
Everything I have learnt about 'Wicked', Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande has been entirely against my will.
November 27, 2025 at 9:06 AM
Everything I have learnt about 'Wicked', Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande has been entirely against my will.
Some knuckle dragger from school has recently been hospitalised for a third time in two months. She's an asthmatic, COPD suffering, chain smoker. She's just shared an update on Facebook saying she's absolutely shaken and devastated. She could be dead in ten years if she doesn't stop smoking...
November 25, 2025 at 10:39 AM
Some knuckle dragger from school has recently been hospitalised for a third time in two months. She's an asthmatic, COPD suffering, chain smoker. She's just shared an update on Facebook saying she's absolutely shaken and devastated. She could be dead in ten years if she doesn't stop smoking...
There's a breakout of Scarlet fever at the kid's nursery/school.
November 22, 2025 at 6:30 PM
There's a breakout of Scarlet fever at the kid's nursery/school.
Me, as your in-house Bluesky therapist.
November 22, 2025 at 5:36 PM
Me, as your in-house Bluesky therapist.
Reposted by HolyCrayons
Y'know what, I think I'll pass.
November 22, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Y'know what, I think I'll pass.
Thrilled to learn that Pottery Barn is now online in the UK.
Desolate to remember I am poor and will never be able to afford anything from there.
Desolate to remember I am poor and will never be able to afford anything from there.
November 21, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Thrilled to learn that Pottery Barn is now online in the UK.
Desolate to remember I am poor and will never be able to afford anything from there.
Desolate to remember I am poor and will never be able to afford anything from there.
Fairly certain I've harnessed the ability to communicate with birds, such is my level of sleep deprivation-based hysteria.
Told a seagull to "fuck off Kev" before I hit it with the car and it did indeed 'fuck off', but not before giving me a look of absolute contempt. Kev knows.
Told a seagull to "fuck off Kev" before I hit it with the car and it did indeed 'fuck off', but not before giving me a look of absolute contempt. Kev knows.
November 21, 2025 at 11:21 AM
Fairly certain I've harnessed the ability to communicate with birds, such is my level of sleep deprivation-based hysteria.
Told a seagull to "fuck off Kev" before I hit it with the car and it did indeed 'fuck off', but not before giving me a look of absolute contempt. Kev knows.
Told a seagull to "fuck off Kev" before I hit it with the car and it did indeed 'fuck off', but not before giving me a look of absolute contempt. Kev knows.
I've been awake since 4am.
November 21, 2025 at 8:46 AM
I've been awake since 4am.
How did the Christmas photoshoot go?
....
....
November 20, 2025 at 11:18 AM
How did the Christmas photoshoot go?
....
....
Driveway art, innit?
November 20, 2025 at 11:13 AM
Driveway art, innit?
Very little arouses me more than when Spousal Unit leaves the back door wide open while he takes the bins out, letting all that lovely expensive central heating out of the building.
Well, except for when he leaves the front door wide open to go into the garage that is.
Well, except for when he leaves the front door wide open to go into the garage that is.
November 17, 2025 at 4:57 PM
Very little arouses me more than when Spousal Unit leaves the back door wide open while he takes the bins out, letting all that lovely expensive central heating out of the building.
Well, except for when he leaves the front door wide open to go into the garage that is.
Well, except for when he leaves the front door wide open to go into the garage that is.
My fat arse read this as "penetration buffet" and I briefly got excited about coital mini sausage rolls and posh crisps.
November 15, 2025 at 3:44 PM
My fat arse read this as "penetration buffet" and I briefly got excited about coital mini sausage rolls and posh crisps.
Just HOW much do I miss the city centre work commute?! 🙃🥰
November 14, 2025 at 8:10 AM
Just HOW much do I miss the city centre work commute?! 🙃🥰
My brain read this as 'Agatha Quiz-Tie' and ruined a perfectly decent pun for me. Happy bastard Friday.
November 14, 2025 at 8:02 AM
My brain read this as 'Agatha Quiz-Tie' and ruined a perfectly decent pun for me. Happy bastard Friday.
Never thought I'd say it, but Waitrose have won the Christmas advert competition this year.
Consider my heart thoroughly warmed ♥️
Get shagged, John Lewis.
Consider my heart thoroughly warmed ♥️
Get shagged, John Lewis.
November 13, 2025 at 5:37 PM
Never thought I'd say it, but Waitrose have won the Christmas advert competition this year.
Consider my heart thoroughly warmed ♥️
Get shagged, John Lewis.
Consider my heart thoroughly warmed ♥️
Get shagged, John Lewis.
Wednesday is it?
November 12, 2025 at 10:03 AM
Wednesday is it?
You know that story recently about the lass in Scotland who passed off her reborn doll as a real baby, unbeknownst to her family and boyfriend?
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
November 11, 2025 at 8:17 PM
You know that story recently about the lass in Scotland who passed off her reborn doll as a real baby, unbeknownst to her family and boyfriend?
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
Anyway, Happy 1st Birthday to the littlest fella. Definitely worth almost expiring for 👍🏼
November 8, 2025 at 6:40 PM
Anyway, Happy 1st Birthday to the littlest fella. Definitely worth almost expiring for 👍🏼
This time last year, I was making birthing a human and losing 4 and a half litres of blood look GOOD 💃🏼💁🏼♀️💅🏼
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
November 8, 2025 at 5:55 PM
This time last year, I was making birthing a human and losing 4 and a half litres of blood look GOOD 💃🏼💁🏼♀️💅🏼
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
This time last year, I could hardly breathe as Crotch Goblin 3.0 (in utero) decided to move all of my organs as well as himself to the left side of my abdomen, on the eve of his birth. One last house party, trashing the absolute shit out of my innards before eviction 🥲
November 7, 2025 at 8:57 PM
This time last year, I could hardly breathe as Crotch Goblin 3.0 (in utero) decided to move all of my organs as well as himself to the left side of my abdomen, on the eve of his birth. One last house party, trashing the absolute shit out of my innards before eviction 🥲
Reposted by HolyCrayons
Hang it in the Louvre
November 6, 2025 at 10:09 PM
Hang it in the Louvre
*whispers* I was supporting the Traitors, despite loving Joe.
Well played that man.
#celebritytraitors
Well played that man.
#celebritytraitors
November 6, 2025 at 10:04 PM
*whispers* I was supporting the Traitors, despite loving Joe.
Well played that man.
#celebritytraitors
Well played that man.
#celebritytraitors
Oh how I just screamed #celebritytraitors
November 6, 2025 at 9:59 PM
Oh how I just screamed #celebritytraitors