HolyCrayons
@holycrayons.bsky.social
Geordie. Pyjamas. Some kids. You know the script.
There's a breakout of Scarlet fever at the kid's nursery/school.
November 22, 2025 at 6:30 PM
There's a breakout of Scarlet fever at the kid's nursery/school.
Me, as your in-house Bluesky therapist.
November 22, 2025 at 5:36 PM
Me, as your in-house Bluesky therapist.
Thrilled to learn that Pottery Barn is now online in the UK.
Desolate to remember I am poor and will never be able to afford anything from there.
Desolate to remember I am poor and will never be able to afford anything from there.
November 21, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Thrilled to learn that Pottery Barn is now online in the UK.
Desolate to remember I am poor and will never be able to afford anything from there.
Desolate to remember I am poor and will never be able to afford anything from there.
I've been awake since 4am.
November 21, 2025 at 8:46 AM
I've been awake since 4am.
How did the Christmas photoshoot go?
....
....
November 20, 2025 at 11:18 AM
How did the Christmas photoshoot go?
....
....
Driveway art, innit?
November 20, 2025 at 11:13 AM
Driveway art, innit?
My fat arse read this as "penetration buffet" and I briefly got excited about coital mini sausage rolls and posh crisps.
November 15, 2025 at 3:44 PM
My fat arse read this as "penetration buffet" and I briefly got excited about coital mini sausage rolls and posh crisps.
Just HOW much do I miss the city centre work commute?! 🙃🥰
November 14, 2025 at 8:10 AM
Just HOW much do I miss the city centre work commute?! 🙃🥰
My brain read this as 'Agatha Quiz-Tie' and ruined a perfectly decent pun for me. Happy bastard Friday.
November 14, 2025 at 8:02 AM
My brain read this as 'Agatha Quiz-Tie' and ruined a perfectly decent pun for me. Happy bastard Friday.
Wednesday is it?
November 12, 2025 at 10:03 AM
Wednesday is it?
You know that story recently about the lass in Scotland who passed off her reborn doll as a real baby, unbeknownst to her family and boyfriend?
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
November 11, 2025 at 8:17 PM
You know that story recently about the lass in Scotland who passed off her reborn doll as a real baby, unbeknownst to her family and boyfriend?
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
My phone has just reminded me that CG 3.0 came home from hospital this time last year, and he actually looks like one of those dolls 🥲
Anyway, Happy 1st Birthday to the littlest fella. Definitely worth almost expiring for 👍🏼
November 8, 2025 at 6:40 PM
Anyway, Happy 1st Birthday to the littlest fella. Definitely worth almost expiring for 👍🏼
This time last year, I was making birthing a human and losing 4 and a half litres of blood look GOOD 💃🏼💁🏼♀️💅🏼
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
November 8, 2025 at 5:55 PM
This time last year, I was making birthing a human and losing 4 and a half litres of blood look GOOD 💃🏼💁🏼♀️💅🏼
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
(Would've put some alt text, but honest, I don't have the words to convey such slay.)
This time last year, I could hardly breathe as Crotch Goblin 3.0 (in utero) decided to move all of my organs as well as himself to the left side of my abdomen, on the eve of his birth. One last house party, trashing the absolute shit out of my innards before eviction 🥲
November 7, 2025 at 8:57 PM
This time last year, I could hardly breathe as Crotch Goblin 3.0 (in utero) decided to move all of my organs as well as himself to the left side of my abdomen, on the eve of his birth. One last house party, trashing the absolute shit out of my innards before eviction 🥲
The John Lewis Christmas Ad though.
November 4, 2025 at 8:41 AM
The John Lewis Christmas Ad though.
No, YOU stabbed yourself with a metal kebab skewer 🥺
November 3, 2025 at 3:42 PM
No, YOU stabbed yourself with a metal kebab skewer 🥺
Happy Birthday @captainfanny.co.uk 🎈 x
November 3, 2025 at 11:39 AM
Happy Birthday @captainfanny.co.uk 🎈 x
Positively ancient. Still though...
November 2, 2025 at 7:05 PM
Positively ancient. Still though...
As if this was one year ago today though 😦 CG 3.0 almost fully baked.
November 2, 2025 at 7:00 PM
As if this was one year ago today though 😦 CG 3.0 almost fully baked.
Friends feared she was making her famous Twix Curry again.
November 1, 2025 at 10:38 AM
Friends feared she was making her famous Twix Curry again.
09:40.
Not jealous.
Not jealous.
October 27, 2025 at 10:23 AM
09:40.
Not jealous.
Not jealous.
It is 09:19.
Either we didn't get the memo about the Monday lie in mandate, or he's aware his brothers are off nursery/school for half term and he's thinking "fuck that".
Either we didn't get the memo about the Monday lie in mandate, or he's aware his brothers are off nursery/school for half term and he's thinking "fuck that".
October 27, 2025 at 9:19 AM
It is 09:19.
Either we didn't get the memo about the Monday lie in mandate, or he's aware his brothers are off nursery/school for half term and he's thinking "fuck that".
Either we didn't get the memo about the Monday lie in mandate, or he's aware his brothers are off nursery/school for half term and he's thinking "fuck that".