James Hazelden
@jameshazelden.bsky.social
Award winning playwright, director, musician, writer, podcaster, failure.
My new play is on sale now - Head | Thorax | Abdomen - https://www.lamama.com.au/whats-on/la-mama-presents-2026/head-thorax-abdomen
My new play is on sale now - Head | Thorax | Abdomen - https://www.lamama.com.au/whats-on/la-mama-presents-2026/head-thorax-abdomen
Pinned
Head | Thorax | Abdomen
A dark, mysterious mindfuck from the edges of reality.
www.lamama.com.au
Thrilled to announce that La Mama Theatre will present my new play, Head | Thorax | Abdomen. It's a dark, blackly comic, sad mystery. Book now.
I've started doom-scrolling my own Bluesky feed.
December 7, 2025 at 1:39 PM
I've started doom-scrolling my own Bluesky feed.
"They really should consult me - a person with no real experience, education or empathy, before they do literally everything."
- most people on social media
- most people on social media
December 7, 2025 at 12:39 AM
"They really should consult me - a person with no real experience, education or empathy, before they do literally everything."
- most people on social media
- most people on social media
In comedy classes, they say you should turn the joke back onto yourself to take the meanness out of it, so here goes:
"Wow - it sure sucks that I'm a senile, racist, misogynistic, narcissistic, psychotic sexual predator and also President of the United States."
"Wow - it sure sucks that I'm a senile, racist, misogynistic, narcissistic, psychotic sexual predator and also President of the United States."
December 7, 2025 at 12:38 AM
In comedy classes, they say you should turn the joke back onto yourself to take the meanness out of it, so here goes:
"Wow - it sure sucks that I'm a senile, racist, misogynistic, narcissistic, psychotic sexual predator and also President of the United States."
"Wow - it sure sucks that I'm a senile, racist, misogynistic, narcissistic, psychotic sexual predator and also President of the United States."
'Maybe if I praise billionaires they'll give me some of their immense wealth!'
From the makers of, 'we can't tax the rich, in case I unexpectedly become rich one day'.
From the makers of, 'we can't tax the rich, in case I unexpectedly become rich one day'.
December 6, 2025 at 6:53 AM
'Maybe if I praise billionaires they'll give me some of their immense wealth!'
From the makers of, 'we can't tax the rich, in case I unexpectedly become rich one day'.
From the makers of, 'we can't tax the rich, in case I unexpectedly become rich one day'.
Today I have been mostly listening to The Dirty Three.
December 6, 2025 at 2:20 AM
Today I have been mostly listening to The Dirty Three.
A little sad that young people will have to ask, 'what's a cinema?' in my lifetime.
December 5, 2025 at 11:50 PM
A little sad that young people will have to ask, 'what's a cinema?' in my lifetime.
If you've ever fantasized about turning an old cinema into a theatre space, soon will be the time because Netflix is about to put them all out of business.
December 5, 2025 at 11:08 PM
If you've ever fantasized about turning an old cinema into a theatre space, soon will be the time because Netflix is about to put them all out of business.
Hello. It's Bandcamp Friday now and for Australians, most of Saturday as well. Here is my modest collection of masterpieces.
If you don't want to buy anything, that's cool. Please hit the follow button and you'll be told about some upcoming releases and gigs. Thank you.
If you don't want to buy anything, that's cool. Please hit the follow button and you'll be told about some upcoming releases and gigs. Thank you.
James Hazelden
Falls somewhere between Daniel Johnston and Noel Coward. But only alphabetically.
jameshazelden.bandcamp.com
December 5, 2025 at 11:55 AM
Hello. It's Bandcamp Friday now and for Australians, most of Saturday as well. Here is my modest collection of masterpieces.
If you don't want to buy anything, that's cool. Please hit the follow button and you'll be told about some upcoming releases and gigs. Thank you.
If you don't want to buy anything, that's cool. Please hit the follow button and you'll be told about some upcoming releases and gigs. Thank you.
Given the general decline of cinema attendance, measuring a film's financial success by its early theatrical run is like saying, 'this highway is a failure because there are no horses on it'.
December 4, 2025 at 11:11 PM
Given the general decline of cinema attendance, measuring a film's financial success by its early theatrical run is like saying, 'this highway is a failure because there are no horses on it'.
I wish my hair would just go all white, like my beard. But by the time that happens, most of my hair will be gone. It's a bad system.
December 4, 2025 at 3:41 AM
I wish my hair would just go all white, like my beard. But by the time that happens, most of my hair will be gone. It's a bad system.
Imagine hearing someone's opinion, which differs from yours, and just thinking, hmm that's interesting.
December 4, 2025 at 3:41 AM
Imagine hearing someone's opinion, which differs from yours, and just thinking, hmm that's interesting.
Thrilled to announce that La Mama Theatre will present my new play, Head | Thorax | Abdomen. It's a dark, blackly comic, sad mystery. Book now.
Head | Thorax | Abdomen
A dark, mysterious mindfuck from the edges of reality.
www.lamama.com.au
December 4, 2025 at 12:34 AM
Thrilled to announce that La Mama Theatre will present my new play, Head | Thorax | Abdomen. It's a dark, blackly comic, sad mystery. Book now.
It should have been called, Lord of the Rings: Dial M For Mordor
December 3, 2025 at 11:59 PM
It should have been called, Lord of the Rings: Dial M For Mordor
People before 1928: This is the best thing until sliced bread gets invented. Then it’s just bullshit in comparison.
December 1, 2025 at 1:18 AM
People before 1928: This is the best thing until sliced bread gets invented. Then it’s just bullshit in comparison.
Today I have been mostly listening to Bic Runga.
November 29, 2025 at 4:45 AM
Today I have been mostly listening to Bic Runga.
I'm so old that in 1989 I remember thinking how cool it was going to be to party like it's 1999 when the year 1999 finally rolled around.
November 27, 2025 at 1:28 PM
I'm so old that in 1989 I remember thinking how cool it was going to be to party like it's 1999 when the year 1999 finally rolled around.
Why was it called Lord of the Rings?
It should have been called Old Hobbits Die Hard.
It should have been called Old Hobbits Die Hard.
November 26, 2025 at 10:30 AM
Why was it called Lord of the Rings?
It should have been called Old Hobbits Die Hard.
It should have been called Old Hobbits Die Hard.
AI will give us all more time to be ground up into an edible paste.
November 26, 2025 at 4:09 AM
AI will give us all more time to be ground up into an edible paste.
My wife: Let's celebrate with a delicious glass of prosciutto.
Me: I think you mean, prosecco.
My wife: I know what I mean.
Me: I think you mean, prosecco.
My wife: I know what I mean.
November 26, 2025 at 1:04 AM
My wife: Let's celebrate with a delicious glass of prosciutto.
Me: I think you mean, prosecco.
My wife: I know what I mean.
Me: I think you mean, prosecco.
My wife: I know what I mean.
Family members are so relatable.
Yeah. I don’t even know what jokes are anymore.
Yeah. I don’t even know what jokes are anymore.
November 26, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Family members are so relatable.
Yeah. I don’t even know what jokes are anymore.
Yeah. I don’t even know what jokes are anymore.
Let he who is without glass house, cast the first stone.
November 23, 2025 at 8:26 AM
Let he who is without glass house, cast the first stone.
I went to a drive-in last night for the first time in about 43 years, and it was
great.
great.
November 22, 2025 at 2:33 AM
I went to a drive-in last night for the first time in about 43 years, and it was
great.
great.
Want to feel old?
You're old! Hahahahaha.
There you go.
You're old! Hahahahaha.
There you go.
November 20, 2025 at 12:17 AM
Want to feel old?
You're old! Hahahahaha.
There you go.
You're old! Hahahahaha.
There you go.
Hahaha.
But also... none of this is really happening.
But also... none of this is really happening.
November 18, 2025 at 12:52 AM
Hahaha.
But also... none of this is really happening.
But also... none of this is really happening.