Author | Lightnews

Jonny

Jonny

@jonnyw.bsky.social

230 followers 510 following 890 posts

Not a cat, but a real human working in End User Computing, navigating family life with my wife and 2 daughters. Opinions my own and not of my employer. He/him

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Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 3d

Sorry, could you put that in a long thread please, so that all the people that are no longer on Twitter know to not be on Twitter any more? Thanks.

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 3d

... but they were infected with RAGE

David Schneider as a lab technician in the movie 28 Days Later

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 4d

Looks like it might also make a mean cup of coffee 😄

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 4d

And this too

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 4d

I bet he's got some of those fancy wireless earbuds too. Disgusting.

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 6d

Why aren't there more pensioners in the JD Sports ads?

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 6d

Me too. Poppy feels too much like "Int Britain brilliant for going to war against bloody foreigners" rather than a sombre reflection on the casualties suffered by all sides in wars.

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 7d

Yesterday I discovered that my mum only got swimming lessons for me and not my brother. Not sure what to do with that information.

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 7d

Stepdad has a subscription that he once gave me the account details for so I could choose a new washing machine years ago. Password still works today!

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 8d

Why do I see stuff like this on my day off 🤦‍♂️

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 9d

I take it there's no concept of planning permission in the states then? Or there is but it doesn't apply to Trump?
Would love the thought of some planning pen-pusher biding their time to go all Captain Tom Spa Complex on this the moment the build is complete.

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 10d

Youngest is off sick today and I just mentioned I was making lunch.
"Good luck with that!" she shouted.
"Why?"
"Because I'm VERY picky"

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 10d

Make it stop ✋

a man in a suit and tie is standing in front of a wall with a certificate on it .

ALT: a man in a suit and tie is standing in front of a wall with a certificate on it .

media.tenor.com

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 11d

Pronounced by a former colleague as "faxy smiley" and that is forever how my head interprets it

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 11d

Ask him if he's definitely sure it was a shag and not a cormorant

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 11d

Labour's starting point (at least what they cover either by direct messaging or omission of refutation" appears to be "We need to convince the racists, the transphobes (and any other *phobes) that we're on their side" rather than binning them off and making a positive case for diversity.

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 11d

I don't even think it needs to be a messiah, but a good starting point would be reflecting the actual lived experience of "the people". Not in a racist curtain-twitching way, but an acknowledgment of the challenges they face.
Then sell us something +ve, hopeful & realistic to make things better

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 11d

For every highly paid 'super brain' advisor there should be at least 3 paid members of the general public to provide a reality check to their proposals.
Feels like whoever is advising Starmer has managed to convince him that they know "what the public thinks" but they're only gauging the wrong'uns.

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 11d

Just today I had a missed teams call when I was away from my desk, followed by an email saying 'call me' then a teams chat message saying 'call me as soon as you get this', finally followed by a cellular call which I answered. It could've just been been a couple of lines of Teams chat message 🤷‍♂️

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 11d

Loving all the haunted Ring notifications coming through several hours after the event

Reposted by Jonny

Stephen Collins @stephencollins.bsky.social · 13d

1
Nurse:
It’s become a real problem in this area

2
Nurse:
We’ve seen the whole community lost to addiction

3
Show a building sign posted:
Westminster ‘X’ Addiction Clinic
With various Westminster people or looking at their phones outside it

Nurse:
Ministers, Spads, Researchers…

4
Nurse:
Most mornings we’ll get a call about someone acting strangely

[Nurse on phone taking a call]
Ok - we’ll be right over

5
Nurse:
We just have a gentle chat

[Nurses approach a minister –Robert Jenrick? - standing in the Palace of Westminster

Minister:
I understand your concerns…

6
Nurse:
Are you OK love?

Minister:
Yes I’m just hearing legitimate concerns from real voters

7
Nurse:
That’s a robot, a Nazi and a poorly-disguised Russian

[Show that the people he is talking to are precisely these characters]

Nurse 2:
Give us your phone, love

8
Nurse:
At the clinic we put them in a Grass-Touching Pod, with a real voter to talk to

[We see them back at the clinic, holding the minister's head and pushing him into a glass isolation booth with a grass floor. And it is a baffled looking woman, on a chair, ready to talk to him.]

9
Minister:
YOU MUST BE WORRIED ABOUT THE COMING CIVIL WAR

[woman looks baffled]

10
woman:
I just want a bus service

Minister:
LOOK AT MY FLAG
[produces a St George's flag]

[ends]

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 14d

Also what I scream at the captcha questions that ask me to 'select the crosswalks and faucets'

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 14d

Jenrick is the fake Facebook nostalgia account made flesh.

"Who remembers playing hot potato with white dog turds in the middle of the street while steam engines rolled past blasting God Save the Queen?"

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 14d

Can't believe you're allergic to dolphin spritzes 🐬

Jonny @jonnyw.bsky.social · 15d

That's tonight's anxiety dream sorted. Thanks 😄