Luke Kennard
@lukekennard.bsky.social
Novelist, poet, lecturer at University of Birmingham.
Pinned
Luke Kennard
@lukekennard.bsky.social
· Sep 15
Reminder that my new poetry collection (my SEVENTH because I apparently cannot take a hint) is available from Picador www.panmacmillan.com/authors/luke...
[mutters] wrote a novel about this over ten years ago just before it became cool to acknowledge why do I even bother will have vengeance
November 25, 2025 at 4:02 PM
[mutters] wrote a novel about this over ten years ago just before it became cool to acknowledge why do I even bother will have vengeance
We have to accept now that we switch on our computers at work and then have to give them a good 40 minutes or so just to get their shit together
November 25, 2025 at 9:14 AM
We have to accept now that we switch on our computers at work and then have to give them a good 40 minutes or so just to get their shit together
I’ve never read A Man For All Seasons, but in my head it’s about a guy who’s just nice to have around whether it’s winter, spring, summer or autumn
November 24, 2025 at 6:52 PM
I’ve never read A Man For All Seasons, but in my head it’s about a guy who’s just nice to have around whether it’s winter, spring, summer or autumn
“It was that point in term when several people had accidentally used a permanent marker on the white boards. Many of them scholars of the history of the pen...”
November 24, 2025 at 10:29 AM
“It was that point in term when several people had accidentally used a permanent marker on the white boards. Many of them scholars of the history of the pen...”
I’ve not been exercising enough and my diet has been appalling and I’ve been drinking too much, BUT I’ve not sustained a knee or hip injury; I’m still technically match fit
November 24, 2025 at 8:53 AM
I’ve not been exercising enough and my diet has been appalling and I’ve been drinking too much, BUT I’ve not sustained a knee or hip injury; I’m still technically match fit
Edinburgh Waverley is like a theme park where the theme is being in people’s way
November 23, 2025 at 4:28 PM
Edinburgh Waverley is like a theme park where the theme is being in people’s way
Doctor I keep getting leg cramp despite my previously condoned ultra salt high diet should I eat more salt
November 23, 2025 at 10:59 AM
Doctor I keep getting leg cramp despite my previously condoned ultra salt high diet should I eat more salt
Got to Edinburgh late last night with time only for a gin and tonic a kebab and a lion bar. If anyone has any tips for the Fringe which as an Englishman I assume is a permanent fixture let me know
November 22, 2025 at 9:20 AM
Got to Edinburgh late last night with time only for a gin and tonic a kebab and a lion bar. If anyone has any tips for the Fringe which as an Englishman I assume is a permanent fixture let me know
[mutters] Paul Kingsnorth with hundreds of thousands of views on YouTube going on like a prophet I clearly missed a trick writing a book *about how problematic prophecy is* should have just put on my sackcloth gown buy my book instead.
November 22, 2025 at 8:55 AM
[mutters] Paul Kingsnorth with hundreds of thousands of views on YouTube going on like a prophet I clearly missed a trick writing a book *about how problematic prophecy is* should have just put on my sackcloth gown buy my book instead.
Anyone in this industry who took a 6 or 7 figure bonus after gouging everyone’s savings during the pandemic should be in prison.
November 21, 2025 at 4:03 PM
Anyone in this industry who took a 6 or 7 figure bonus after gouging everyone’s savings during the pandemic should be in prison.
Lovely genuine wool jumpers are essentially disposable jumpers for me. One week, one wash at any temp, put it on a doll
November 21, 2025 at 3:14 PM
Lovely genuine wool jumpers are essentially disposable jumpers for me. One week, one wash at any temp, put it on a doll
You literally *can* just avoid it, though! It is absolutely something you can choose to avoid. Start with the zen principle of not seeing yourself or your children as any better or more deserving than anyone else, look up the word “comprehensive” in the dictionary, and go from there!
November 21, 2025 at 2:20 PM
You literally *can* just avoid it, though! It is absolutely something you can choose to avoid. Start with the zen principle of not seeing yourself or your children as any better or more deserving than anyone else, look up the word “comprehensive” in the dictionary, and go from there!
Also our true friend
November 21, 2025 at 11:45 AM
Also our true friend
And all 16 of them sound like late 90s Beck lyrics!
November 20, 2025 at 2:55 PM
And all 16 of them sound like late 90s Beck lyrics!
One funny thing with lecturing is when you teach a class 4-6pm one year and 9-11am the next year and it feels like a *completely different module*
November 20, 2025 at 8:36 AM
One funny thing with lecturing is when you teach a class 4-6pm one year and 9-11am the next year and it feels like a *completely different module*
One funny thing with lecturing is when you teach a class 4-6pm one year and 9-11am the next year and it feels like a *completely different module*
November 20, 2025 at 8:37 AM
One funny thing with lecturing is when you teach a class 4-6pm one year and 9-11am the next year and it feels like a *completely different module*
I live rent free in your head because I took out an interest-only mortgage on your head and after 30 years paying roughly a quarter of what most people have to pay for housing I will be mortified that I do not, in fact, own your head.
November 19, 2025 at 8:14 PM
I live rent free in your head because I took out an interest-only mortgage on your head and after 30 years paying roughly a quarter of what most people have to pay for housing I will be mortified that I do not, in fact, own your head.
It’s Men’s Day so we’ll be live-blogging all 81 episodes of Bergerac (excluding the Christmas specials)
November 19, 2025 at 10:37 AM
It’s Men’s Day so we’ll be live-blogging all 81 episodes of Bergerac (excluding the Christmas specials)
Email reactions: often ❤️ feels a bit much but 👍 feels a too matey / detached. We need something in between, like a thumb with a plumb on it. A Little Jack Horner.
November 19, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Email reactions: often ❤️ feels a bit much but 👍 feels a too matey / detached. We need something in between, like a thumb with a plumb on it. A Little Jack Horner.
Reposted by Luke Kennard
stalking the streets in sackcloth yelling "IT'S PROPHESIED NOT PROPHECIZED"
November 18, 2025 at 8:34 PM
stalking the streets in sackcloth yelling "IT'S PROPHESIED NOT PROPHECIZED"
Playing my videogame with a hot water bottle
November 17, 2025 at 9:48 PM
Playing my videogame with a hot water bottle
I’m trying to work out what the joke is with this Xmas jumper and I think the joke is just that we *recognise a leading brand of word processor*
November 17, 2025 at 9:05 PM
I’m trying to work out what the joke is with this Xmas jumper and I think the joke is just that we *recognise a leading brand of word processor*
Is the constant speculation and leaking about budgets good for democracy, or for stuff generally? Maybe not doing it would be just as bad and things would keep getting worse anyway, but
November 17, 2025 at 5:18 PM
Is the constant speculation and leaking about budgets good for democracy, or for stuff generally? Maybe not doing it would be just as bad and things would keep getting worse anyway, but
Reposted by Luke Kennard
When you use cut in Word, the text is deleted forever and when you paste it, a complete new identical copy of the text with identical memories is reproduced on the document
November 17, 2025 at 4:52 PM
When you use cut in Word, the text is deleted forever and when you paste it, a complete new identical copy of the text with identical memories is reproduced on the document
Kurt Envelope tells his envelope about why he’s going to town to get an envelope the envelope will surprise you
November 17, 2025 at 1:23 PM
Kurt Envelope tells his envelope about why he’s going to town to get an envelope the envelope will surprise you