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mattcohen.bsky.social
Matt Cohen
@mattcohen.bsky.social
1.1K followers 510 following 1.5K posts
Eisner Award nominee for "The Ghastlygun Tinies." Writes for MAD Magazine, The American Bystander, and The New Yorker. Created the hit card game Too Many Monkeys. Working on books for YOU. He/Him
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Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · Mar 11
It's exhausting watching people tell themselves that their intolerance is actually a virtue.
Reposted by Matt Cohen
mattcohen.bsky.social
In grade school math, you can find the "absolute value" on a number line by measuring the distance from zero and ignoring whether the distance was positive of negative.

"Absolute value" is how we got to where we are now. For some people, destroying things FEELS the same as creating things.
(1/X)
This image of a number line comes from CueMath (cuemath.com.) It explains that 4 has the same absolute value as negative 4.
November 25, 2025 at 1:55 AM
mattcohen.bsky.social
In the 1970s, I heard a fable about a king who held an art contest. Two artists painted murals on the palace walls. The third artist hung a mirror and demanded the prize money since you could see the other two murals reflected on HIS wall.

That fable predicted #AIArtwork.
(1/X)
This illustration is from a video for the fable "The Three Sacks Of Gold" by Yosef Goldstein (AKA Uncle Yossi.)
November 25, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Reposted by Matt Cohen
rcolesworthy.bsky.social
one of the coolest things about ChatGPT is how you can actually just never use it. you can fill your whole entire life with simply not once using it. it's incredible.
November 25, 2025 at 4:15 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
In grade school math, you can find the "absolute value" on a number line by measuring the distance from zero and ignoring whether the distance was positive of negative.

"Absolute value" is how we got to where we are now. For some people, destroying things FEELS the same as creating things.
(1/X)
This image of a number line comes from CueMath (cuemath.com.) It explains that 4 has the same absolute value as negative 4.
November 25, 2025 at 1:55 AM
mattcohen.bsky.social
I'm glad you liked my new cologne: Eau de Nkirk.
joeyalison.bsky.social Joey Alison Sayers @joeyalison.bsky.social · 8d
Sorry. When I said you smelled like B.O. I meant Bob Odenkirk
November 19, 2025 at 6:01 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
ON THE LEFT: Stranger Things executive producer Shawn Levy in Zombie Nightmare (1987.)

ON THE RIGHT: Dacre Montgomery in Stranger Things.
November 19, 2025 at 5:48 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
A reminder for politicians who listen to centrist strategists:

- In 2012 VP Biden took a political risk and spoke out in support of gay marriage.
- That went okay, so Obama followed suit.
- Voters who'd previously opposed marriage equality were inspired to change their minds.

Leaders need to LEAD.
November 18, 2025 at 11:36 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
Share this post as far and wide as you can.
ruthz.bsky.social Ruth Zakarin @ruthz.bsky.social · 9d
Epstein built an empire of abuse and a whole lot of people just sat in silence and didn’t say anything.

The epidemic of violence against women is constructed on a foundation of enabling and turning a blind eye.

This post is about the reporters who said nothing when their peer was called ‘Piggy’
November 18, 2025 at 4:02 AM
mattcohen.bsky.social
Bill Maher sees himself as a visionary voice of reason in a world where the "left" and the "right" are equally crazy.

Both sides are NOT the same Bill. ONE of those sides is working to make it safer for you to do stand up without getting shot and the OTHER side is trying to make it more dangerous.
This is a social media post from Variety that links to an article. The main texts says "Bill Maher Refuses to Do Stand-Up Comedy Again Because 'I Could Get Shot by the Left or the Right.'" The article was written by Zack Sharf.
November 18, 2025 at 12:29 AM
mattcohen.bsky.social
I think I'll celebrate by sharing some recommendations for graphic novels by trans creators. To get things rolling, there's the YA book Cheer Up: Love And Pompoms by
@amazonchique.bsky.social and @valkwise.bsky.social.
(1/X)
November 17, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Reposted by Matt Cohen
mattcohen.bsky.social
TERFs are obsessed with where *everyone else* is going to the bathroom, so we wrote them a potty training book to teach them how to mind their own damn business. It's called "Nobody Poops." Read it here... and see it in print in the next issue of @americanbystander.bsky.social. #transrights
This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows: "This kid poops in the boy's room. This kid poops in the girl's room. Everyone poops... including you" "But some people say that you cannot poop in this toilet or that one or even that one." (The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...) "They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.) Can girls who wear pants poop? Can boys with long hair poop? How about women with strong cheekbones?" "Who are the people who don't want you to poop? Good question." "Fantasy authors say you can't poop. And politicians say you can't poop. And trolls say you can't poop. And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop." (The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.) "The people who say that nobody poops without their permission all have poop instead of brains. And when they talk, only poop comes out. And they get their poop all over everything." (Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.) "If you can't poop, you can't eat. And if you can't eat... ...you can't live." The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander. This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows: "This kid poops in the boy's room. This kid poops in the girl's room. Everyone poops... including you" "But some people say that you cannot poop in this toilet or that one or even that one." (The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...) "They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.) Can girls who wear pants poop? Can boys with long hair poop? How about women with strong cheekbones?" "Who are the people who don't want you to poop? Good question." "Fantasy authors say you can't poop. And politicians say you can't poop. And trolls say you can't poop. And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop." (The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.) "The people who say that nobody poops without their permission all have poop instead of brains. And when they talk, only poop comes out. And they get their poop all over everything." (Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.) "If you can't poop, you can't eat. And if you can't eat... ...you can't live." The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander. This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows: "This kid poops in the boy's room. This kid poops in the girl's room. Everyone poops... including you" "But some people say that you cannot poop in this toilet or that one or even that one." (The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...) "They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.) Can girls who wear pants poop? Can boys with long hair poop? How about women with strong cheekbones?" "Who are the people who don't want you to poop? Good question." "Fantasy authors say you can't poop. And politicians say you can't poop. And trolls say you can't poop. And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop." (The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.) "The people who say that nobody poops without their permission all have poop instead of brains. And when they talk, only poop comes out. And they get their poop all over everything." (Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.) "If you can't poop, you can't eat. And if you can't eat... ...you can't live." The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander. This is a parody of the popular potty training book "Everyone Poops" by Tarō Gomi. The parody is called "Nobody Poops." The complete text reads as follows: "This kid poops in the boy's room. This kid poops in the girl's room. Everyone poops... including you" "But some people say that you cannot poop in this toilet or that one or even that one." (The art depicts a series of different gendered bathroom signs. The text continues...) "They won't let you poop until you show them your private parts Because they hate girls (who they say are really boys.) Can girls who wear pants poop? Can boys with long hair poop? How about women with strong cheekbones?" "Who are the people who don't want you to poop? Good question." "Fantasy authors say you can't poop. And politicians say you can't poop. And trolls say you can't poop. And 49.9% of voters say you can't poop." (The art above is caricatures of J.K. Rowling, Rep, Nancy Mace, and Matt Walsh. Not Matt Walsh from Upright Citizen's Brigade. He's cool. This is a picture of the troll with the same name.) "The people who say that nobody poops without their permission all have poop instead of brains. And when they talk, only poop comes out. And they get their poop all over everything." (Here the art is a caricature of Donald Trump. He's making a speech and poop is flying out of his puckered mouth.) "If you can't poop, you can't eat. And if you can't eat... ...you can't live." The parody was written by Matt Cohen and illustrated by Marc Palm. It appears in issue #31 of The American Bystander.
September 23, 2025 at 5:18 PM
Reposted by Matt Cohen
kevinmkruse.bsky.social
Repost this everywhere you’re active on social media. Send to your friends and family who aren’t.
aaronparnas.bsky.social Aaron Parnas @aaronparnas.bsky.social · 10d
NEW: Epstein survivors release the most powerful PSA I have ever seen.

Make this go viral so every member of the House of Representatives sees it.
November 16, 2025 at 11:48 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
If you want to submit an online comment to your senator or representative, you have to first use a drop-down menu to select a topic for your message... and the list of topics is going to be sanitized in a way that obstructs you from being heard.

For example...
(1/6)
This is the drop-down menu that lets you pick a topic before sending a message to Senator Chris Murphy. The menu skips directly from "Energy" to "Financial Services" without giving you an option to say you're concerned about "Fascism." For Senator Richard Blumenthal, the menu jumps from "Environment and Climate" to "Foreign Affairs." Neither menu lets you send the message that you are concerned about Authoritarianism, Corruption, or any other key words you'd want to use to discuss the threat to Democracy. Other members of Congress use similar drop down menus.
November 16, 2025 at 10:21 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
“As the Governor of California, I regularly throw trans people under the bus… but it’s an ELECTRIC bus, so that makes me a good presidential candidate, right?”
November 16, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Reposted by Matt Cohen
erininthemorning.com
1. The Trump administration has just quietly updated the State Department website to indicate that it may invalidate transgender people's passports.

This comes a week after a SCOTUS ruling blocking lower rulings allowing trans people to update them.

Subscribe to support our journalism.
Trump Admin Quietly Changes State Department Page To Indicate It May Invalidate Trans Passports
The change comes after the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the administration and lifted a temporary injunction.
www.erininthemorning.com
November 14, 2025 at 5:10 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
Why does it hurt so much to step on Legos? Because science, that's why!

youtu.be/yMKRrmdkirg?...
The Truth About Stepping On Legos 🦶🦶| Sci Sparks
YouTube video by McWane Science Center
youtu.be
November 14, 2025 at 2:17 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
When Trump starts a war to distract people from the Epstein files, will it hurt his chances of winning the FIFA Peace Prize?
November 13, 2025 at 1:56 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
This is only 19 minutes old, but I already feel like it's bound to be a reaction-meme for the ages.
joeyalison.bsky.social Joey Alison Sayers @joeyalison.bsky.social · 14d
The most powerful tool on the internet
November 13, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Reposted by Matt Cohen
ruthz.bsky.social
But his emails
November 12, 2025 at 7:58 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
Repost with an iconic fictional band.
November 12, 2025 at 4:34 AM
mattcohen.bsky.social
Amazon's biggest problem with producing a Bond film is going to be the new directive to make the billionaire with the rocket and the private island the *good guy.*
November 11, 2025 at 7:06 PM
Reposted by Matt Cohen
mattcohen.bsky.social
Nobody thought that the No Kings protest would change the minds of Trump and his loyalists, but they did hope that it would inspire Congressional Democrats to grow a spine.
November 10, 2025 at 1:19 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
1984 and The Handmaid's Tale are great dystopian fiction, but I keep thinking about Rhinoceros. Instead of focusing directly on fascists, it looks at the everyday people who *comply* with fascists. It explores what it feels like to be isolated in your resistance while your neighbors all capitulate.
This is the cover of the published script for Eugène Ionesco's absurdist comedy Rhinoceros. It's not as direct as Fahrenheit 451, Nineteen Eight Four, Animal Farm, or The Handmaid's Tale, but it's still trenchant and it's a good reminder that satire matters now more than ever. This is the cover of the published script for Eugène Ionesco's absurdist comedy Rhinoceros. It's not as direct as Fahrenheit 451, Nineteen Eight Four, Animal Farm, or The Handmaid's Tale, but it's still trenchant and it's a good reminder that satire matters now more than ever. This is a photo of the Birdbath Theatres 2017 production of Rhinoceros. Photo by Robin Jackson. From the Marin Independent Journal.
November 10, 2025 at 11:08 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
Congressional Democrats never learn that Lucy is playing Calvinball.
November 10, 2025 at 2:30 PM
mattcohen.bsky.social
It's going to be yet another hard one today... and it's okay to say so.
mattcohen.bsky.social Matt Cohen @mattcohen.bsky.social · Jan 20
Today is going to be a hard one. Here's a reminder from myself and @gemmacorrell.bsky.social that it's always okay to admit that you're struggling to hold onto any sense of optimism, hope, or happiness. Speak up because you deserve support.

www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-...
The brightly colored art by Gemma Correll indicated that this "advice" is dripping with irony. The text reads: "HOW TO PRETEND TO BE HAPPY 1. Practice Fake Smiles Practice smiling in the mirror. Wider. No, I said WIDER. Smile harder, damn it! You suck at this. Nobody else needs to practice smiling, so you must be broken. That's why you don't deserve happiness. SMILE! There, that wasn't so hard. Now just do that all day, every day, until people learn what a fraud you are." "2. TRY CRISIS AVOIDANCE THERAPY SESSIONS* Google 'Kittens' again. That usually helps for a few minutes. *Crisis Avoidance Therapy Sessions are not recognized as a viable treatment for any disorder by the American Psychiatric Association, but you know better than to listen to 'doctors' with their 'science,' right? 3. KEEP A HEALTHY SENSE OF PERPECTIVE Remember that 'Somebody has it worse than you.' Because that's the way the world works. Only ONE person at a time is allowed to feel pain. That person's name is Anna and she lives in a war-torn region where she is constantly besieged by horrors we dare not name. (But don't you even THINK about being sad for her!)" "4. EAT YOUR FEELINGS Stick this chart on your fridge: Loneliness = Ben & Jerry's Phish Food Hopelessness = Check boxes on floor for cold pizza slices Anxiety - Fistfuls of popcorn Fear = Store-brand 'Sugary Flakes' cereal, dry and straight from the box Sadness = Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Despair = Funyons Trauma = Chicken soup Grief = Chinese-food delivery (just hit 'redial') Shame = Ben & Jerry's Peanut Buttah Cookie Core Anger = Nacho! Cheese! Combos! Disappointment = Cookies... any cookies Self-Loathing = Leftovers from the last time you tried eating a meal" "5. NEVER FORGET THE *REAL* MEANING OF 'POSITIVE THINKING' Did you ever notice how your 'positive' friends keep posting memes about how everybody needs to get rid of the 'negative' people in their lives? That's your friends' way of telling you that they will never talk to you again if they find out that you ever get sad. Take the hint and keep your mouth shut. 6. ON SECOND THOUGHT... ...maybe it would be better if everybody else would try to remember that you are a GOOD PERSON who DESERVES SUPPORT, even when you're not happy."
November 10, 2025 at 1:39 PM