Matt Benson
@mbenson.bsky.social
Just a simple country lawyer. Sometimes I write things.
Bill Belicheck belongs in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
Barry Bonds belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Donald Trump belongs in prison.
Life is not fair.
Barry Bonds belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Donald Trump belongs in prison.
Life is not fair.
January 29, 2026 at 3:28 AM
Bill Belicheck belongs in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
Barry Bonds belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Donald Trump belongs in prison.
Life is not fair.
Barry Bonds belongs in the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Donald Trump belongs in prison.
Life is not fair.
When you're only twelve inches tall, ten inches of snow is a LOT.
January 26, 2026 at 2:44 AM
When you're only twelve inches tall, ten inches of snow is a LOT.
America needs a wealth tax.
November 2, 2025 at 7:02 PM
America needs a wealth tax.
If you work in the US DOJ, and you have any professional integrity, then it's time to submit your resignation.
Signed, somebody who had to do something similar nineteen years ago.
Signed, somebody who had to do something similar nineteen years ago.
October 9, 2025 at 10:14 PM
If you work in the US DOJ, and you have any professional integrity, then it's time to submit your resignation.
Signed, somebody who had to do something similar nineteen years ago.
Signed, somebody who had to do something similar nineteen years ago.
If you supported Donald Trump because you believed in free speech:
a man with a beard is talking to another man in a room .
ALT: a man with a beard is talking to another man in a room .
media.tenor.com
September 19, 2025 at 11:46 AM
If you supported Donald Trump because you believed in free speech:
The American political media machine is an unholy contrivance that runs on fear and hatred. Be it on cable news, a podcast, or an internet chat room, the machine assures us of our rightness and villifies those who believe differently.
September 11, 2025 at 12:31 AM
The American political media machine is an unholy contrivance that runs on fear and hatred. Be it on cable news, a podcast, or an internet chat room, the machine assures us of our rightness and villifies those who believe differently.
The first critical thought I had in college was recognizing that the death penalty was an expensive, irreversible method of punishment that failed to deter crime in any meaningful way.
It doesn't exist in Illinois, and it shouldn't exist in America.
It doesn't exist in Illinois, and it shouldn't exist in America.
The bottom-line reality is that I'm not here to debate the death penalty. It's wrong. The end. I've also thought through the ins and outs and you're not going to surprise me with what you think is a gotcha question.
I cover executions because they are a moral failing carried out in our name.
I cover executions because they are a moral failing carried out in our name.
July 16, 2025 at 5:32 AM
The first critical thought I had in college was recognizing that the death penalty was an expensive, irreversible method of punishment that failed to deter crime in any meaningful way.
It doesn't exist in Illinois, and it shouldn't exist in America.
It doesn't exist in Illinois, and it shouldn't exist in America.
Sean Duffy is John Rocker without the fastball.
Sean Duffy on Fox: "It's dangerous to ride the subway in New York ... it's just stupid liberals with stupid policies that impact the lives of New Yorkers"
July 8, 2025 at 6:29 PM
Sean Duffy is John Rocker without the fastball.
ME: The guy who wrote "I got Friends in Low Places"died.
MY WIFE: Maybe he really does.
www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/ar...
MY WIFE: Maybe he really does.
www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/ar...
Garth Brooks' writer Larry Bastian dies at 90
The musicians worked together on the very successful tunes Unanswered Prayers, The Dance and Friends In Low Places. They also co-created the knockout hit single Rodeo.
www.dailymail.co.uk
April 17, 2025 at 12:17 AM
ME: The guy who wrote "I got Friends in Low Places"died.
MY WIFE: Maybe he really does.
www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/ar...
MY WIFE: Maybe he really does.
www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/ar...
Every time I see one of these flights, I think about the millions of people in this country who go without food and/or healthcare.
Then I look at guillotine blueprints.
nypost.com/2025/04/14/u...
Then I look at guillotine blueprints.
nypost.com/2025/04/14/u...
Jeff Bezos takes a tumble as he excitedly greets fiancée Lauren Sanchez after Blue Origin space flight
Amazon and Blue Origin founder Jeff Bezos face-planted onto the Texas desert as he ran up to greet his fiancée Lauren Sanchez and the all-female crew when they returned to Earth on Monday morning.
nypost.com
April 15, 2025 at 11:28 AM
Every time I see one of these flights, I think about the millions of people in this country who go without food and/or healthcare.
Then I look at guillotine blueprints.
nypost.com/2025/04/14/u...
Then I look at guillotine blueprints.
nypost.com/2025/04/14/u...
I have a joke about the American Economy, but only 1% of you would really get anything out of it.
I have a Titus Andronicus joke but it's kind of a bummer
I had a joke about Lady Macbeth but it's a little spotty.
April 13, 2025 at 5:13 PM
I have a joke about the American Economy, but only 1% of you would really get anything out of it.
Post dog. (Her name is Agatha.)
April 8, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Post dog. (Her name is Agatha.)
Reposted by Matt Benson
Russell Brand's conversion to Christianity appears to be complete.
Breaking News: The comedian and actor Russell Brand was charged with rape and sexual assault in Britain.
Russell Brand Is Charged With Rape and Sexual Assault in U.K.
British prosecutors said that they had charged the comedian and actor with offenses between 1999 and 2005, involving four women.
www.nytimes.com
April 4, 2025 at 3:22 PM
Russell Brand's conversion to Christianity appears to be complete.
Reposted by Matt Benson
Basically crimes are legal if A) they are the same kind of crimes the Trump family does and B) the judge or prosecutor is a Democrat, or C) you pay a bribe to the president. This is not an exaggeration.
www.latimes.com/california/s...
www.latimes.com/california/s...
White House ordered firing of L.A. federal prosecutor on ex-Fatburger CEO case, sources say
Adam Schleifer, a longtime financial fraud prosecutor, was dismissed from the U.S. Attorney's office in L.A. on Friday. He was pursuing charges against the former CEO of Fatburger, a Trump supporter, ...
www.latimes.com
March 30, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Basically crimes are legal if A) they are the same kind of crimes the Trump family does and B) the judge or prosecutor is a Democrat, or C) you pay a bribe to the president. This is not an exaggeration.
www.latimes.com/california/s...
www.latimes.com/california/s...
Modern American Journalism never fails to disappoint. Every time I think they've found the bottom, they find ways to sink even lower.
March 30, 2025 at 9:42 PM
Modern American Journalism never fails to disappoint. Every time I think they've found the bottom, they find ways to sink even lower.
Everything and Anything featuring Jason Aldean.
Fuck your favourite song. Tell me your least favourite song. The one that makes you die inside the moment you hear the first 3 seconds.
March 30, 2025 at 1:26 AM
Everything and Anything featuring Jason Aldean.
America deserves a President who can party.
I just remembered this story! While marching in a pride parade, Pritzker caught a Jell-O shot that was tossed to him, downed it, and kept on going www.thedailybeast.com/jb-pritzker-...
J.B. Pritzker Downs Jell-O Shot at Chicago Pride Parade
A photo provided by the governor’s press team showed Pritzker hoisting the plastic container triumphantly following the interaction.
www.thedailybeast.com
March 25, 2025 at 12:16 AM
America deserves a President who can party.
We are being driven to autocracy in a clown car.
BREAKING
Jeffrey Goldberg, the editor-in-chief of The Atlantic, was accidentally included in a Signal group chat with top Trump administration officials, where top-secret war plans related to Yemen were shared.
Full Story: bit.ly/4c4hqW2
Jeffrey Goldberg, the editor-in-chief of The Atlantic, was accidentally included in a Signal group chat with top Trump administration officials, where top-secret war plans related to Yemen were shared.
Full Story: bit.ly/4c4hqW2
March 24, 2025 at 5:21 PM
We are being driven to autocracy in a clown car.
To be fair: it probably really sucks to be MJ's kid. At no point while watching "The Last Dance" did I think, "That dude seems really nurturing."
March 20, 2025 at 2:27 AM
To be fair: it probably really sucks to be MJ's kid. At no point while watching "The Last Dance" did I think, "That dude seems really nurturing."
Reposted by Matt Benson
Tesla Model 3 crushed by an Olmec statue
By Mexican sculptor @chavismarmol.bsky.social
By Mexican sculptor @chavismarmol.bsky.social
March 14, 2025 at 2:36 PM
Tesla Model 3 crushed by an Olmec statue
By Mexican sculptor @chavismarmol.bsky.social
By Mexican sculptor @chavismarmol.bsky.social
Thank you for voting the way you did.
I voted against more chaos.
I voted against more cuts.
I voted against giving a wannabe king and an unelected billionaire even more power to hurt middle-class Americans.
I serve Illinoisans. Republicans made it clear they serve Donald Trump.
I voted against more cuts.
I voted against giving a wannabe king and an unelected billionaire even more power to hurt middle-class Americans.
I serve Illinoisans. Republicans made it clear they serve Donald Trump.
March 15, 2025 at 11:24 PM
Thank you for voting the way you did.
@durbin.senate.gov Your vote today in support of the CR betrayed the American people. Stop pretending that you need to preserve the normal operation of government; normal died on January 20. For purposes of future reference: if Donald Trump is for something, you should probably be against it.
March 14, 2025 at 10:57 PM
@durbin.senate.gov Your vote today in support of the CR betrayed the American people. Stop pretending that you need to preserve the normal operation of government; normal died on January 20. For purposes of future reference: if Donald Trump is for something, you should probably be against it.