Mr. Big Penis.
@mrbigpenis.bsky.social
Hi, I'm Mr. Big Penis. You'll never guess what I've got in my pants.
Asexual deviant, freelance masturbauteur, linguist.
The cat is named Fulgora.
If you're from Michigan please don't be.
Do not expect many commas.
He/him/The/it.
🔞.
Asexual deviant, freelance masturbauteur, linguist.
The cat is named Fulgora.
If you're from Michigan please don't be.
Do not expect many commas.
He/him/The/it.
🔞.
Pinned
Cuddling my cat is great and all but she does also like to crawl around in the forbidden realm behind the toilet so maybe I should be a bit more cautious about that.
November 17, 2025 at 9:15 AM
Cuddling my cat is great and all but she does also like to crawl around in the forbidden realm behind the toilet so maybe I should be a bit more cautious about that.
I have a sore throat the last time I had a sore throat it was COVID and it sucked major donkey balls I really hope it isn't COVID again because I don't think that will go very well with all the presentations and such I have to do in the next few weeks and also then I won't be able to visit my folks.
November 17, 2025 at 4:34 AM
I have a sore throat the last time I had a sore throat it was COVID and it sucked major donkey balls I really hope it isn't COVID again because I don't think that will go very well with all the presentations and such I have to do in the next few weeks and also then I won't be able to visit my folks.
Stalemate when the opponent is sans-material is bs. "Oh but you have to earn the checkmate" fuck you I earned it by killing all their guys I just want to bully them to avenge my fallen soldiers is that too much to ask?
November 17, 2025 at 4:17 AM
Stalemate when the opponent is sans-material is bs. "Oh but you have to earn the checkmate" fuck you I earned it by killing all their guys I just want to bully them to avenge my fallen soldiers is that too much to ask?
Those boots were NOT made for walking boots don't walk legs do boots just protect the leg ends.
November 17, 2025 at 3:00 AM
Those boots were NOT made for walking boots don't walk legs do boots just protect the leg ends.
I very rarely remember anything from my dreams but I believe that recently I've been haunted by a millipede.
November 16, 2025 at 5:59 PM
I very rarely remember anything from my dreams but I believe that recently I've been haunted by a millipede.
What if instead of "Oh Comely" it was called "Oh Chumlee" and it was about that guy from Pawn Stars?
November 15, 2025 at 9:20 AM
What if instead of "Oh Comely" it was called "Oh Chumlee" and it was about that guy from Pawn Stars?
New Steam Controller? Gonna cum?
November 13, 2025 at 4:48 PM
New Steam Controller? Gonna cum?
Gonna go get top surgery at Harvard call that a Ph double D.
November 11, 2025 at 1:58 AM
Gonna go get top surgery at Harvard call that a Ph double D.
It's crazy how we wouldn't even be in this mess if we just made the sensible decision to kill all the old people.
November 10, 2025 at 3:18 PM
It's crazy how we wouldn't even be in this mess if we just made the sensible decision to kill all the old people.
Why vote for these useless fucks when we can just kill people with rocks? The cavemen really had life all figured out.
November 10, 2025 at 3:05 PM
Why vote for these useless fucks when we can just kill people with rocks? The cavemen really had life all figured out.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
November 10, 2025 at 5:43 AM
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
Every time I go in a public restroom I gotta put up one of them "being cleaned do not enter" signs so that I don't accidentally fatally mog anyone at the urinals.
November 9, 2025 at 4:33 AM
Every time I go in a public restroom I gotta put up one of them "being cleaned do not enter" signs so that I don't accidentally fatally mog anyone at the urinals.
Reposted by Mr. Big Penis.
the suicide vest stays on during sex
November 7, 2025 at 8:04 PM
the suicide vest stays on during sex
Slack your rope hangman you'll need a bigger loop to fit my big penis through.
November 9, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Slack your rope hangman you'll need a bigger loop to fit my big penis through.
I've started writing haikus here's my first one I hope you like it:
Cat sits by window
Watches the leaves falling down
My penis is huge.
Cat sits by window
Watches the leaves falling down
My penis is huge.
November 8, 2025 at 4:56 PM
I've started writing haikus here's my first one I hope you like it:
Cat sits by window
Watches the leaves falling down
My penis is huge.
Cat sits by window
Watches the leaves falling down
My penis is huge.
Sucks that Halloween is over so quickly I wish it was socially acceptable to go around in a spooky black cloak and menace passers-by year round.
November 7, 2025 at 9:43 PM
Sucks that Halloween is over so quickly I wish it was socially acceptable to go around in a spooky black cloak and menace passers-by year round.
Reposted by Mr. Big Penis.
im gay in ways that would have scientists ripping their glasses off their face in horror to mutter "my God" under their breath
November 7, 2025 at 4:19 PM
im gay in ways that would have scientists ripping their glasses off their face in horror to mutter "my God" under their breath
This cum tribute is dedicated to the brave mujahideen fighters of Afghanistan.
November 7, 2025 at 4:54 PM
This cum tribute is dedicated to the brave mujahideen fighters of Afghanistan.
You set your alarms every 10 minutes I set mine every 15 we are not the same.
November 5, 2025 at 3:15 PM
You set your alarms every 10 minutes I set mine every 15 we are not the same.
Do you think your phone gets mad when you keep ignoring its notifications?
November 5, 2025 at 8:25 AM
Do you think your phone gets mad when you keep ignoring its notifications?
Man good news this morning good news this evening this day fucks like a big penis.
November 5, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Man good news this morning good news this evening this day fucks like a big penis.
Got a new phone finally but now I have to contend with the loss of my hundreds of (apparently unsynced) notes and photos of my cats.
November 4, 2025 at 1:37 AM
Got a new phone finally but now I have to contend with the loss of my hundreds of (apparently unsynced) notes and photos of my cats.
I could really do with that extra 3 hours of daylight savings time I suggested recently right about now.
November 3, 2025 at 9:38 AM
I could really do with that extra 3 hours of daylight savings time I suggested recently right about now.