One Awkward Mom
@oneawkwardmom.bsky.social
mom of three || perpetually late || relatively unsociable
Why are rugs and pillows so ridiculously expensive? Why aren’t curtains sold in pairs? Why’s there always dishes and laundry even though I’m constantly doing dishes and laundry? WHY IS THE GARBAGE ALREADY FULL?
December 15, 2025 at 9:52 PM
Why are rugs and pillows so ridiculously expensive? Why aren’t curtains sold in pairs? Why’s there always dishes and laundry even though I’m constantly doing dishes and laundry? WHY IS THE GARBAGE ALREADY FULL?
Kids remember every single ‘maybe’ you give them, but somehow forget to use soap in the shower.
December 15, 2025 at 2:23 AM
Kids remember every single ‘maybe’ you give them, but somehow forget to use soap in the shower.
My house is basically a mom advent calendar. Open one door, mountain of laundry, another door, pile of dirty dishes, another door, dog just puked on the floor. A fresh surprise every day.
December 14, 2025 at 1:44 AM
My house is basically a mom advent calendar. Open one door, mountain of laundry, another door, pile of dirty dishes, another door, dog just puked on the floor. A fresh surprise every day.
Me: I’d better get going.
Friend: oh, do you have plans??
Me: yes, I plan to be at home.
Friend: oh, do you have plans??
Me: yes, I plan to be at home.
December 13, 2025 at 7:08 PM
Me: I’d better get going.
Friend: oh, do you have plans??
Me: yes, I plan to be at home.
Friend: oh, do you have plans??
Me: yes, I plan to be at home.
Their dad was waiting next to the door to scare our sons when they came inside. He yelled and jumped out when they opened the door and my 4yo punched him right in the balls. Karma’s got tiny fists of fury.
December 12, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Their dad was waiting next to the door to scare our sons when they came inside. He yelled and jumped out when they opened the door and my 4yo punched him right in the balls. Karma’s got tiny fists of fury.
Friend: what are you eating?
Me: protein bar.
Friend: that looks like a reese’s tree wrapper.
Me: exactly. protein bar.
Me: protein bar.
Friend: that looks like a reese’s tree wrapper.
Me: exactly. protein bar.
December 12, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Friend: what are you eating?
Me: protein bar.
Friend: that looks like a reese’s tree wrapper.
Me: exactly. protein bar.
Me: protein bar.
Friend: that looks like a reese’s tree wrapper.
Me: exactly. protein bar.
Kudos to the Publix cashier who kept a straight face when my toddler kept yelling ‘VAGINI’ instead of Chobani.
December 12, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Kudos to the Publix cashier who kept a straight face when my toddler kept yelling ‘VAGINI’ instead of Chobani.
Every single day I strive to teach my kids how to make good choices and every single day they make it seem like they’ve never heard a word I’ve said.
December 11, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Every single day I strive to teach my kids how to make good choices and every single day they make it seem like they’ve never heard a word I’ve said.
ever met someone who feels like the human equivalent of putting your contact lens in backwards 😩
December 11, 2025 at 5:10 PM
ever met someone who feels like the human equivalent of putting your contact lens in backwards 😩
If your birth year starts with 19, quit sitting like that. Your knees and back aren’t what they used be.
December 11, 2025 at 12:35 AM
If your birth year starts with 19, quit sitting like that. Your knees and back aren’t what they used be.
You ever have that deep itch inside your ear and think, this is it, there’s a bug in there.
December 10, 2025 at 7:15 PM
You ever have that deep itch inside your ear and think, this is it, there’s a bug in there.
Returned some clothes today and paid cash for coffee while I was out, so I basically got paid to run errands. Girl math.
December 10, 2025 at 7:06 PM
Returned some clothes today and paid cash for coffee while I was out, so I basically got paid to run errands. Girl math.
Me during the holidays: Christmas is about family, not things.
Also me: Spends 3 days moving ornaments because ‘the balance is off,’ and glaring at the dog for eyeballing the tree all while my kids shoot nerf darts at it.
Also me: Spends 3 days moving ornaments because ‘the balance is off,’ and glaring at the dog for eyeballing the tree all while my kids shoot nerf darts at it.
December 10, 2025 at 5:05 PM
Me during the holidays: Christmas is about family, not things.
Also me: Spends 3 days moving ornaments because ‘the balance is off,’ and glaring at the dog for eyeballing the tree all while my kids shoot nerf darts at it.
Also me: Spends 3 days moving ornaments because ‘the balance is off,’ and glaring at the dog for eyeballing the tree all while my kids shoot nerf darts at it.
Moms: this year I’m spacing everything out so I’m not stressed on Christmas Eve.
Also moms at 1am on Christmas Eve: elbow deep in toy instructions written by a sadist, whisper screaming ‘I hate you, tiny allen wrench.’
Also moms at 1am on Christmas Eve: elbow deep in toy instructions written by a sadist, whisper screaming ‘I hate you, tiny allen wrench.’
December 10, 2025 at 2:35 AM
Moms: this year I’m spacing everything out so I’m not stressed on Christmas Eve.
Also moms at 1am on Christmas Eve: elbow deep in toy instructions written by a sadist, whisper screaming ‘I hate you, tiny allen wrench.’
Also moms at 1am on Christmas Eve: elbow deep in toy instructions written by a sadist, whisper screaming ‘I hate you, tiny allen wrench.’
I’ve had so much caffeine on an empty stomach that my brain is vibrating at a frequency heard by dogs and toddler moms.
December 10, 2025 at 12:40 AM
I’ve had so much caffeine on an empty stomach that my brain is vibrating at a frequency heard by dogs and toddler moms.
Absolutely no one:
My brain: hop little bunnies hop hop hop 🎶
My brain: hop little bunnies hop hop hop 🎶
December 9, 2025 at 7:33 PM
Absolutely no one:
My brain: hop little bunnies hop hop hop 🎶
My brain: hop little bunnies hop hop hop 🎶
If you’re wondering what it’s like to have kids, turn your house upside down, shake it, smear yogurt on the walls, then hide one shoe. Repeat daily.
December 9, 2025 at 2:21 AM
If you’re wondering what it’s like to have kids, turn your house upside down, shake it, smear yogurt on the walls, then hide one shoe. Repeat daily.
To the lady at Costco screaming at the sweet little receipt checker, 'I feel like I'm trying to leave PRISON!'
With all the respect you've earned, may your socks be forever wet and your sidewalk forever sprinkled with dog shit.
With all the respect you've earned, may your socks be forever wet and your sidewalk forever sprinkled with dog shit.
December 8, 2025 at 10:18 PM
To the lady at Costco screaming at the sweet little receipt checker, 'I feel like I'm trying to leave PRISON!'
With all the respect you've earned, may your socks be forever wet and your sidewalk forever sprinkled with dog shit.
With all the respect you've earned, may your socks be forever wet and your sidewalk forever sprinkled with dog shit.
Me: I’m not 𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 my problems, I’ve told them to circle back after the holidays.
My therapist:
My therapist:
December 8, 2025 at 5:56 PM
Me: I’m not 𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 my problems, I’ve told them to circle back after the holidays.
My therapist:
My therapist:
Therapist: Have you considered swapping your coffee for matcha or green tea? They’re so calming.
Me: Have YOU considered that some of us are held together by caffeine, rage, and a rewards balance?
Me: Have YOU considered that some of us are held together by caffeine, rage, and a rewards balance?
December 7, 2025 at 10:41 PM
Therapist: Have you considered swapping your coffee for matcha or green tea? They’re so calming.
Me: Have YOU considered that some of us are held together by caffeine, rage, and a rewards balance?
Me: Have YOU considered that some of us are held together by caffeine, rage, and a rewards balance?
If you enjoy listening to songs like ‘it’s beginning to look a lot like butthole,’ I cannot recommend kids enough.
December 7, 2025 at 4:30 PM
If you enjoy listening to songs like ‘it’s beginning to look a lot like butthole,’ I cannot recommend kids enough.
My mom: What’s this cake called?
Me: Better Than Sex cake.
Mom, without missing a beat: I doubt that.
Me: *𝙛𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨*
Me: Better Than Sex cake.
Mom, without missing a beat: I doubt that.
Me: *𝙛𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨*
December 7, 2025 at 2:19 AM
My mom: What’s this cake called?
Me: Better Than Sex cake.
Mom, without missing a beat: I doubt that.
Me: *𝙛𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨*
Me: Better Than Sex cake.
Mom, without missing a beat: I doubt that.
Me: *𝙛𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨*
If i'm sending you memes at 3am but still haven't replied to your actual text just know I have two completely separate brains and they don’t communicate.
December 5, 2025 at 11:02 PM
If i'm sending you memes at 3am but still haven't replied to your actual text just know I have two completely separate brains and they don’t communicate.
Reposted by One Awkward Mom
They should’ve called them Treese’s
December 4, 2025 at 2:25 AM
They should’ve called them Treese’s
Reposted by One Awkward Mom
This is like the twelfth Monday this week.
December 4, 2025 at 2:38 PM
This is like the twelfth Monday this week.