Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 12h

My flowerbeds aren't overgrown, they're channeling spooky, abandoned vibes for Halloween.

1

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 19h

Me: Okay, now five words that start with the letter F?

5yo: five, fart, the f-word…

Me:

1

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 1d

“You look happier.”

Thanks, I’ve stopped sweating, the leaves are changing, and the bugs are returning to hell where they belong.

1

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 3d

I’m at the stage of parenthood where all I want is to pick my house up and shake everything into a dumpster.

4

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 4d

*hears me opening a tampon*

2yo: Ooooh candy!

4yo: that’s not candy that’s for mommy’s BUTT!

7yo: *chuckles* he said ‘butt.’

Me:

1

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 4d

Friend: I need some advice.

Me shaking from caffeine, with a bugle on each finger: *witchy voice* you’ve come to the right place, my pretty.

1

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 5d

Saw a shirt that said ‘food vibes’ and it took me several moments to realize it actually said ‘good vibes.’ I feel like that says a lot about me as a person.

1

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 5d

Me: *gets out of the shower, lotions, skincare, hair products, drying hair…*

My 7yo: Mommy, you’re a lot of work.

3

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 7d

Me, a 34 year old suburban stay at home mom of three who hasn’t had a drink in 10 years: “I’LL BE YOUR FATHER FIGURE, I’LL DRINK THAT BROWN LIQUOR, I CAN MAKE DEALS WITH THE DEVIL BECAUSE MY D*CK’S BIGGER.”

1 2

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 7d

‘Oh, you like this? Hope you don’t mind if I break it.’

-kids

4

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 8d

If you get stuck on a flight next to someone playing videos on their phone at full volume, you should be entitled to compensation.

1 1

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 9d

I’d like to speak to the people who keep designing leggings with a front seam. Why do you hate us?

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 10d

Therapist: would you say you’re making time for self care as a stay at home mom?

Me: yesterday I didn’t realize I had my leggings on backwards until lunchtime… and I just left them that way.

Therapist:

5

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 11d

My kids spilled some cereal and when I asked them to clean it up, they called the dog. There is nothing left for me to teach them.

5

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 12d

I’m out of town and 7yo FaceTimed me to tell me that he wiped his butt too hard. It hurts now and he’s asking me how to make it feel better, if you’re wondering what it’s like to be the default parent.

3 12

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 12d

My kids won’t eat grilled chicken but they love ‘naked nuggets’ …which is just cubed grilled chicken.

It’s all in the marketing.

1 5

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 13d

My 2yo got into my makeup and now Ronald McDonald is in the kitchen screaming at me for applesauce.

1 7

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 13d

*sees one single leaf on a tree changing colors*

*intro to Gilmore girls starts playing*

*whispers* I’m healing.

1

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 14d

Love is patient, love is kind, love is not sitting next to me while you eat so I don’t have to listen to you chew.

2 2

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 15d

This is the way 😂

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 15d

Washing machines are so dramatic, I am also unbalanced 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙚𝙩 𝙄 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙞𝙨𝙩. Reluctantly.

3

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 15d

I used to do bar crawls, now the only crawling I do is out of my toddler’s bedroom at night.

1 4

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 16d

My husband was waiting next to the door to scare our sons when they came inside. He yelled and jumped out when they opened the door and my 4yo punched him right in the penis. Karma’s got tiny fists of fury.

2

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 18d

Heard a woman in TJ Maxx ask her kid ‘is that a smart choice to make with your money?’ and now I wish she would follow me around the store, too.

4

One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom.bsky.social · 19d

It’s once again that time of the week where I ask myself if I need a therapy appointment or just some form of potato.

3