Eternal Samnation
@portmanteauface.bsky.social
Mostly I write things down, but sometimes I wrong things up. I’m working on it.
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Pinned
[jurassic park]
ALAN GRANT: the t-rex can’t see you if you don’t move
ME: *In The Air Tonight on my headphones gets to the drum solo part* fuck fuck fuck
ALAN GRANT: the t-rex can’t see you if you don’t move
ME: *In The Air Tonight on my headphones gets to the drum solo part* fuck fuck fuck
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
here is a handy visual guide to tell when your turkey is done
November 27, 2025 at 6:00 PM
here is a handy visual guide to tell when your turkey is done
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“My name is Inigo Monturkey. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
November 27, 2025 at 1:41 PM
“My name is Inigo Monturkey. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
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how else will i know if my kid's a witch?
November 26, 2025 at 7:28 PM
how else will i know if my kid's a witch?
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If I had a time machine me and Duke Ellington would ride our bikes to the Cape Cod Canal and we’d fish for stripers at sunset.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
November 24, 2025 at 10:33 PM
If I had a time machine me and Duke Ellington would ride our bikes to the Cape Cod Canal and we’d fish for stripers at sunset.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
“We’re canal rats!” I’d joke, but he’d already be composing music based on the sound of cars and trucks going over the Sagamore Bridge.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
shark: *smirking* no hablo inglés
November 26, 2025 at 2:10 PM
shark: *smirking* no hablo inglés
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make your kid’s birthday party a special one they’ll be talking about in therapy for years to come
November 25, 2025 at 5:05 PM
make your kid’s birthday party a special one they’ll be talking about in therapy for years to come
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“I AM A GOLDEN GOD!”
November 25, 2025 at 2:06 PM
“I AM A GOLDEN GOD!”
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“Great, now I have to pee.”
November 24, 2025 at 6:07 PM
“Great, now I have to pee.”
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Having just been through the desert carrying a guy with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain.
November 24, 2025 at 2:17 PM
Having just been through the desert carrying a guy with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain.
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my dad about to tell a funny story that isn’t nearly as funny as he thinks it is
November 23, 2025 at 10:44 PM
my dad about to tell a funny story that isn’t nearly as funny as he thinks it is
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Every year about this time, Leonard and Estelle went to go stay with her sister Carol in Toronto until the heat died down.
November 23, 2025 at 2:19 PM
Every year about this time, Leonard and Estelle went to go stay with her sister Carol in Toronto until the heat died down.
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Dawn had to keep reminding herself that this was just temporary, and she was only doing it to put herself through law school.
November 22, 2025 at 5:02 PM
Dawn had to keep reminding herself that this was just temporary, and she was only doing it to put herself through law school.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
"Get in!"
"But-"
"NOW."
"Okay..."
"Were you followed?"
"What?"
"WERE YOU FOLLOWED?"
"I don't think so."
"You have your passport?"
"I'm not sure."
"Never mind, open the glovebox."
"Alright. Hey, wha-"
"You know how to use that?"
"Frank, what-?"
"Better get used to calling me Jim."
"But-"
"NOW."
"Okay..."
"Were you followed?"
"What?"
"WERE YOU FOLLOWED?"
"I don't think so."
"You have your passport?"
"I'm not sure."
"Never mind, open the glovebox."
"Alright. Hey, wha-"
"You know how to use that?"
"Frank, what-?"
"Better get used to calling me Jim."
November 22, 2025 at 2:36 PM
"Get in!"
"But-"
"NOW."
"Okay..."
"Were you followed?"
"What?"
"WERE YOU FOLLOWED?"
"I don't think so."
"You have your passport?"
"I'm not sure."
"Never mind, open the glovebox."
"Alright. Hey, wha-"
"You know how to use that?"
"Frank, what-?"
"Better get used to calling me Jim."
"But-"
"NOW."
"Okay..."
"Were you followed?"
"What?"
"WERE YOU FOLLOWED?"
"I don't think so."
"You have your passport?"
"I'm not sure."
"Never mind, open the glovebox."
"Alright. Hey, wha-"
"You know how to use that?"
"Frank, what-?"
"Better get used to calling me Jim."
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
“Now, I’ll pass things off to Jasper, who’s put together a PowerPoint for us. Jasper?”
“Thanks Jim, morning everyone.“
“Thanks Jim, morning everyone.“
November 21, 2025 at 5:28 PM
“Now, I’ll pass things off to Jasper, who’s put together a PowerPoint for us. Jasper?”
“Thanks Jim, morning everyone.“
“Thanks Jim, morning everyone.“
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Hal hadn’t survived three Thanksgivings by being stupid.
November 21, 2025 at 2:08 PM
Hal hadn’t survived three Thanksgivings by being stupid.
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“It wasn’t me.”
“I have several witnesses.”
“They’re mistaken.”
“We found crumbs in your fur.”
“You planted those there.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m being framed.”
“Listen, pal-“
“Lawyer.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said I want my lawyer.”
“I don’t think-“
“Listen, buddy, I’ve got rights.”
“I have several witnesses.”
“They’re mistaken.”
“We found crumbs in your fur.”
“You planted those there.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m being framed.”
“Listen, pal-“
“Lawyer.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said I want my lawyer.”
“I don’t think-“
“Listen, buddy, I’ve got rights.”
November 20, 2025 at 6:41 PM
“It wasn’t me.”
“I have several witnesses.”
“They’re mistaken.”
“We found crumbs in your fur.”
“You planted those there.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m being framed.”
“Listen, pal-“
“Lawyer.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said I want my lawyer.”
“I don’t think-“
“Listen, buddy, I’ve got rights.”
“I have several witnesses.”
“They’re mistaken.”
“We found crumbs in your fur.”
“You planted those there.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m being framed.”
“Listen, pal-“
“Lawyer.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said I want my lawyer.”
“I don’t think-“
“Listen, buddy, I’ve got rights.”
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
"Let's go over this one more time."
"I know what-"
"ONE MORE TIME."
"Fine."
"What is it you're looking for?"
"A garbage bag."
"In which room?"
"The kitchen."
"What do you do when you find it?"
"Bring it to you here."
"I'm counting on you, Tim."
"I know what-"
"ONE MORE TIME."
"Fine."
"What is it you're looking for?"
"A garbage bag."
"In which room?"
"The kitchen."
"What do you do when you find it?"
"Bring it to you here."
"I'm counting on you, Tim."
November 20, 2025 at 1:58 PM
"Let's go over this one more time."
"I know what-"
"ONE MORE TIME."
"Fine."
"What is it you're looking for?"
"A garbage bag."
"In which room?"
"The kitchen."
"What do you do when you find it?"
"Bring it to you here."
"I'm counting on you, Tim."
"I know what-"
"ONE MORE TIME."
"Fine."
"What is it you're looking for?"
"A garbage bag."
"In which room?"
"The kitchen."
"What do you do when you find it?"
"Bring it to you here."
"I'm counting on you, Tim."
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
squirrel: *points gun*
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
November 19, 2025 at 1:41 PM
squirrel: *points gun*
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
me: what do you want me to do?
squirrel: *gestures at sign*
me: alright, i get it *opens book drop*
squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion*
me: NOT A SQUIRREL!
squirrel: *disappears into book drop*
me: *whispers* forgive me, keith
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
Larry the loaf enjoying a few blissful moments, unaware that this was to be the last day of his relatively short life.
November 18, 2025 at 10:35 PM
Larry the loaf enjoying a few blissful moments, unaware that this was to be the last day of his relatively short life.
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
"You don't speak German, Tom."
"Well, you can't really talk, Martin."
"Touché."
"Well, you can't really talk, Martin."
"Touché."
November 18, 2025 at 5:13 PM
"You don't speak German, Tom."
"Well, you can't really talk, Martin."
"Touché."
"Well, you can't really talk, Martin."
"Touché."
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
“My dad is so old…”
“How old is he?”
“He’s so old, we call him the 20th century fox!”
“How old is he?”
“He’s so old, we call him the 20th century fox!”
November 18, 2025 at 2:19 PM
“My dad is so old…”
“How old is he?”
“He’s so old, we call him the 20th century fox!”
“How old is he?”
“He’s so old, we call him the 20th century fox!”
Reposted by Eternal Samnation
“This isn’t funny, Frank. Turn the lights back on.”
November 17, 2025 at 6:16 PM
“This isn’t funny, Frank. Turn the lights back on.”
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it’s true, i looked
November 17, 2025 at 2:13 PM
it’s true, i looked
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“You drive, I’m tired.”
November 16, 2025 at 4:26 PM
“You drive, I’m tired.”