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Eternal Samnation

@portmanteauface.bsky.social

9.2K followers 780 following 1.2K posts

Mostly I write things down, but sometimes I wrong things up. I’m working on it. Clickbait ➡️ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:57tds76f6hmild5kw32pppdd/feed/aaacbm5qg2h7a

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Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface.bsky.social · Aug 1

[jurassic park]

ALAN GRANT: the t-rex can’t see you if you don’t move

ME: *In The Air Tonight on my headphones gets to the drum solo part* fuck fuck fuck

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 10h

when you totally misread the vibe

A cow leans over a fence and licks the face of a very surprised-looking woman.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 13h

i don’t have the heart to tell him

A package of teal and brown cookies labeled "Black and White Cookies."

A white dog in a chef's hat in front of a rolling pin.

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Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 14h

I can almost deal with the length, but the width is less than the span between my elbows. It’s either a really long bed for a short person or a really narrow bed for a tall person. I’m pretty sure they were intended to line coffins

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 16h

salt-n-pepa: *nod approvingly*

Several signs on a door instructing to "Push to lock" without turning the lock.

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Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 1d

Tried out a twin bed for the first time in 25 years and my first thought was “I have the right to an attorney”

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

“Supercuts?”
“How’d ya know?”

A person sits on a fence holding a container of food, looking back at a dark-colored alpaca. They and the alpaca sport similar haircuts.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

“That there’s a damn shame, Bill. Yeah, no, sorry, I didn’t see anything. I was visiting my sister’s tree over on Morgan. I’ll ask around and let you know if I hear something, though. Geez, what a world, am I right? Anyway, your homeowners policy should cover it, no?”

A squirrel stands next to a partially-chewed pumpkin on a stoop.

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 3d

it's okay to have fun during spooky month even if you're having a whole spooky life

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 2d

waiter: would you like some capers with your pasta

batman: what

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Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 3d

October offers a reminder that Mondays are often a trick and Fridays are usually a treat.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 3d

Why learn big words when you can productatiously contrivicate your own?

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

on the next episode of copse

Two police officers stop a person disguised as a tree on a pedestrian crosswalk.

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Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 2d

I unabashedly love that Michael Douglas married Catherine Zeta-Jones and all the Hollywood rags were like “this man NEEDS to be REVERED as a SEX ICON” and afterwards he chose his every subsequent role to respond “I am a WASHED UP POTHEAD ENGLISH TEACHER who likes to EAT SOUP on PARK BENCHES”

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 2d

“I look ridiculous.”
“I think you look adorable.”
“I won’t be made a fool, Steve.”
“Just one more picture.”
“Fine, but after this...”
“I know, I know. Nevermore.”

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 2d

yes, but he still has to sound out some of the longer words

TV screen shot of skier with lower third reading “CAN ERIK READ.”

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 2d

all of my retirement hopes now rest entirely with my partial collection of commemorative state quarters, a complete set of encyclopedias from 1974, some slap bracelets, a dozen slightly scratched k-tel records, and my final unused gwyneth paltrow vagina candle

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 2d

“Who is it, Charlie?”

“It’s Tim from next door. He wants us to know that our bird feeder’s empty.”

A terrier sits inside next to a glass door, looking up and to the left. A squirrel stands on the other side of the glass.

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Frances "Are You Scared Yet" Meh @francesmeh.reviews · 3d

there's a little chain you can pull at the top of mount everest to switch the direction of the earth's rotation. a small nepalese boy just went up there to set us clockwise for the winter. it is considered a great honour to put the world into exhaust mode.

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Los 🥑 @los-los.bsky.social · 3d

I’ve seen burritos more supreme than this court

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Jack Boot @jackboot.bsky.social · Oct 21

Ants have an exoskeleton. So an ant skeleton just looks like an ant. This takes half the fun out of Ant Halloween.

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 8d

your bottle of dishwashing liquid is on your sink counter but it’s facing backwards . are you insane ?

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 5d

a website of surveys for angry apple™️ product users called iRate somebody write that down

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Jack Boot @jackboot.bsky.social · 3d

If you're performing standup for ghosts and the audience starts shouting, "Boo! Boooo!" don't panic. You're killing.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 3d

magician: *sweating* hold on i can fix this

A model walking on a runway, wearing a ball gown that creates the illusion of her body being separated into two parts with a gap in between.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 3d

i too cry when cutting up an onion but it’s with the happiness of knowing i’m releasing the joyful soul trapped within

A halved onion appears to have a smiling face with closed eyes at its center.

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